Survivor's guilt

[Albinoni]

I lost my dearest love a fortnight ago and, three days later, my little dog was also diagnosed with advanced cancer and died a few days later.

Life feels so unreal, that I am just an empty husk, trapped in a maze which I cannot escape from, hours and days and months and years of pain and emptiness stretching before me. My other dog is also very depressed at the loss of both DH and his canine companion of over 12 years.

But above all, I feel so guilty, that I am here and that he is not. Why couldn't we just share our lifespans, like we shared everything else?

My daughters and DH's family and friends have been an amazing support, and I know that I need to keep going and look for the positives.

I was just wondering how others feel or felt in my position, how to survive, and whether you also felt this guilt which I can't shake off? It's not guilt at the relationship or any aspect of it, we were so blissfully happy for so many years, but guilt that I am still here and it doesn't seem right somehow., when he is not.

My defied in July and it still feels unreal and I feel enormous guilt as I'm enjoying all that she worked so hard for, the retirement she had only just started to enjoy in a wonderful place by the sea that she had only just begun to appreciate before cancer struck. I am bit further down the line and do have glimmers of light and hope some days OP. Take all the support offered to you, make sure you arrange regular walks and chats with someone close whose company you enjoy. One hour at a time. One hour at a time.

DW not defied!!!

Oh @Albinoni I’m so sorry to hear this, I’ve been thinking about you the last couple of weeks. Wishing you all the best and I hope the other areas of your previous thread have settled to something more manageable now. 💐

So very very sorry to hear your news @Albinoni. Your love for each other always shone through in your posts. How terribly unfair that he's gone. And your wee dog too. That's harsh.

Oh, @Albinoni, I'm so sorry, and I know how tough that is (my DP died suddenly on 2nd November and my dear old dog had to be pts on 4 November).

I can't help you with the guilt, I'm afraid, I only have rage and excruciating sadness.

But my heart goes out to you.

Thank you so much billy and tatty for your kindness and compassion. billy, you were such a source of strength and comfort to me on the other thread. I am pleased to say that DD1 visited DH several times when he was dying and also brought the DGDs to visit him. They were reconciled and she gave one of the readings at his funeral.

LakieLady, that is a sad coincidence and my heart goes out to you. My DH was diagnosed with his terminal cancer at the beginning of February, so I had time to adjust, I suppose, although I am not sure that you ever really do, as you are always hoping that the treatment will work, for a miracle, that he can defeat the odds. Hopefully, your DH didn't suffer. At least they will both have their canine companions with them. I like to think that my DH and DDog are together. Sending big hugs.X

@Albinoni that’s so lovely to hear after the year you’ve had. I do hope it’s able to continue and maybe a silver lining that it will put the last couple of years into perspective for dd.

Your strength and love for your family with everything you have been through shines through. Wishing you peace for the year ahead and that you feel less guilty as time goes by.

Thank you billy xxx

@Albinoni I am so so sad to have stumbled across this thread and find you here. I am so sorry that you have lost your beautiful husband - he always came across as a wise, gentle, deeply loving man. I also was on your previous thread (Gutterton) and I send all of my love to you, your daughters and grand daughters as you walk this excruciating path. I hope that you can find comfort in each other. X

@Sssloou. How lovely to hear from you. I have often thought of you and you were also an amazing support to me on the other thread. I hope that all is alright with you and that you had a happy Christmas with your family.

I spent yesterday with my two youngest daughters, who are staying with me and it was actually very joyful, although obviously quite poignant. However, I just want this year to be over and pray that next one is better. Sending love and hugs to you x

I am so glad to hear that you are deeply immersed in the love of your beautiful daughters. That must be a soothing balm to dull a tiny bit of the pain.

I also want to thank you for your insightful, wise and kind words that really helped me see something very important and change gear emotionally.

We had a lovely day with our children yesterday. My other situation is not resolved but I have accepted that it is what it is and detached from it. I am past anger and hurt, now just saddened which is much less intense.

Not sure if you have seen this thread - but a couple of posts in the OP links to her blog. You might find some solace or recognition in the tough days, weeks and months to come. X
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4087586-My-husband-has-died-2

@Albinoni I'm so sorry to learn you've lost your lovely DH. You have often been in my thoughts this year. I wish you and your family peace and love as you find your new normal.

I have just stumbled across this thread. I too remember your other threads. So sorry to hear that your DH passed away. I have NC but did mention my own DH having cancer on your previous thread. My DH is now terminal too after his treatment, so my journey ahead is mapped out. . I am pleased your DD1 did reconcile and send my love to you all