I still miss my lovely Dad....

[minesalargeone]

I lost my Dad suddenly almost 2yrs ago now - he died at home on his own from a heart attack.....I still can't believe that he's gone. I still have the most horrendous dreams about him and even now, almost 2yrs later, I still cry. Does it ever get any better?

Mines, I didn't mean it to come across like that chick. I didn't mean don't dwell on how you feel, you have every right to and of course even more so now. What I meant to say was don't beat yourself up over that moment in time. I'm sure you know more than anyone that there was more to your dad than his last few moments. Oh no! Now I feel bad now,was sooo not my intention to stress you out.x.

Mines - talk away. We are listening x

eddas - I couldn't agree more - the Chapel of Rest did nothing for me - in fact it made the whole situation worse. My Mum refused to go there - I said nothing to her about it and was personally quite disappointed in her decision but afterwards I could see why. I could only tell it was him by his hands - and by the clothing he was in. Had he had have the choice he would have insisted no one went to see him.

trick - it's ok....I've lived the last two years striving on with my life, bringing up my two gorgeous children BUT I can't help but feel like this now....it's the downhill slide to the anniversary of his death and I dreaded it last year and I'm dreading it just as much this year.

Believe me it doesn't help to know its coming. It's just as hard, but in a different way.

My mum was told on 9th June 2003 that she had terminal cancer. nothing they could do. In both lungs,never had a fag in her life, barely went near a pub, sorry off on a tangent[sp) she died on 21st July, 7 weeks later. I jumped everytime the phone rang for those 7 weeks. I expected bad news. She knew she was going to die. How on earth do you deal with that.

IMO quick is better for the person who is no longer around. He wouldn't have suffered. My grandad die very similarly. Went out to put things in the car, next thing nan found him lying on the floor outside I am thankful that it would've been quick for him and he probably knew nothing too much about it.

It is much harder on those left behind. My nan was in bits for weeks/months well TBH has never been the same and he died in 2001.

I couldn't even make it into work on the 1st and 2nd anniversary and my older sister still cries when she sees my dad's brother because they look so alike. I think writting a letter is a good idea,I wrote one and put down everything,you know like discussing your dads death,with your dad if you see what I mean. I burnt mine afterwards. Probably the hardest thing I have ever had to write,but it did help.(glad we're o.k!!)

DH and I both lost our fathers a couple of years ago. They were both old and had been ill, so we didn't have to face the awfulness some of you had but still ... for quite a long time after odd things could set me crying like a lost child.

It does get better. I have dreams about my father sometimes now, just ordinary sort of things in which he's a part, but the hale and hearty man he used to be. They are oddly comforting. I hope your dreams can become sweeter. Try to remember your loved parents as they were earlier, the happy times.

mines, I definately think that on the anniversary the life should be celebrated and as I said I am going to do that next year for mum. I thought of it this year but didn't have time with ds being a few months old.

I am going to celebrate that mym mum was a very special lady and I don't want to forget her. I am going to try and turn a sad day into a happier one. and I know she would love the idea. When she found out she was going to die she said 'no sad faces' I try to keep to that but with the inevitable blip

oh it's weirdly good to share this isn't it? i'm normally ok about my parents dying but at the moment i miss them so much. mum died 2 years ago, and dad 8. it still hits me unexpectedly - i was laughing about something on the radio this morning when out of nowhere i remembered the moment when the hospice nurse who was at home with us told us our mum was probably about to die, and we all ran up to her bed and just waited, we didn't know what to say, my big brother said such dreadful cliches and i wanted to stop him but of course i couldn't. Anyway, i just had to stop driving and sob, and have spent the rest of the day on the verge of tears... i know i'll be fine again tomorrow...

I know we were lucky...very lucky that Dad died as quickly as he did. I know of a number of people who have lost loved ones 'slowly' iykwim. It must be awful knowing you are going to lose someone you love so dearly and to watch them die. If my Dad could've ticked the box as to how he'd like to die he would've ticked the 'quick' box. Having said that it was so extremely hard to deal with the shock of losing him so quickly. But had he managed to survive that heart attack he would've been so unhappy - he was such a fit and active Dad and hated hospitals and Doctors and would have refused any help and I could have lost Mum through it too.

I think he did know he was ill - but Dad would never tell anyone he felt poorly for fear of being told to go to the Doctors plus he was always one not wishing to waste someone's time.

No matter what I miss him as much today as I did almost 2yrs ago - my lovely dd, who is almost 4yrs old, looks out her bedroom window at night and waves at 'Grandad's star' - she was only 18 months old when he died but its amazing how she knows to wave and remember him - I show her photos and ask her where Grandad is and she always replies 'he's with the flowers'...ie at the cemetary. Yet my elder daughter, who is almost 9yrs old, is so grown up about it and tells me 'oh Grandad's ok, he's got all the pets we've had to keep him company' - she's so matter of fact about it...a blessing really. xx

I'm afraid i was one of those people who had to watch their dad die very slowly and in a lot of pain.It was awful as he was such a large man and he couldn't bare to see the changes in himself either. For a year i waited each day for that phone call to tell me he had died,it was gut wrenching.
My children never saw him, but they definitely know him,through pictures and stories.
We go up to put flowers on his grave together and they just accept thats how things are. Although my son(whos 4) did turn around to me and say.
"I love grandad very much,but he is a bit rude. Every time we come to visit him he is always out"
Bless him!!!

Life can be cruel sometimes....nothing prepared me for my Dad's death - I often said in the years I had him as my Dad 'I can't imagine losing my Dad'...although we all know losing a parent is going to happen to all of us one day.

I lost Dad very quickly - the shock was immense and completely blew me off my feet. To have lost Dad slowly would have been equally, in my view, as devastating. Atleast losing someone slowly is in a way easier for those left behind because you can mentally prepare yourself for that huge loss but having said that I would not have wanted to see my Dad suffer but the shock of losing someone as quickly as I did was just as horrific and extremely sad.

hi, i think i have typed to you before when you were using a different name, not sure though so tell me if im wrong

It's still early days, 2 years on, imo.
I feel a lot better 6 years after my dad's death but it never completely goes away. I still think about him most days and dream about him reasonably often.

my dad was murdered 11 years ago and although the raw feeling has gone it still so hard at times, but although my kids never got to see him we keep his memory alive as possible

Hi buktus....yes its me. I used this site when I initially lost my Dad because I was just not coping. Sorry.....

i agree. There is no easy way for someone to die,or for someone to watch them either. You try and prepare yourself but its impossible and you think you'll be able to have that last conversation with them where you tell them everything,but my dad wouldn't talk about it,so I'm still left wishing i could have those moments back. Losing a parent is the worst of the worst and there,unfortunately is no easy way or magic potion that will make anyone feel any better. I look back and try to think where my head was 2 years after his death and I was a mess. What you are going through is completely normal and I know alot of people have said that they like to celebrate the anniversary,but I don't. I try and celebrate their life every day of the year and not focus on it and every anniversary I let myself have that day to cry as much as i want to,get out the photos and get everything out of my system. When the day is over i pack everything away and get on with life again. You cope the way you want to and if it means having a good cry then do so and if it means celebrating their life thats fine too. Its a horrible long process,but you will get through this I promise.x.

There are so many sweet and tragic stories on this thread.

Hi minesalargeone - I know you've changed names, but I remember you posting before when your dad had ony been gone about 9 months. I remember how desolate you were then, and I'm so sorry that the sadness is still overwhelming. It DOES get better, but it is a very long process. My father died in 2003 and I still miss him enormously but the raw pain has eased over the last year or so. I think everyone is different, but after my mother died I found it took about 4 year for me to be able to really think of her and remember good times and not the times around her sudden death, and about 7 years before I truly felt at peace with her passing. I know that sounds like a long time, but these years (esp if you have young children) do pass quite quickly. Anniversaries of the death are always pants though, so take it easy on yourself - maybe plan something peaceful and nice to do one day soon? Take care. x

I thought it was, cant believe its 2 years next month, its still good to talk no matter how many years have passed. I think the kids help me going but on a bad day all i can imagine is how good he would have been with them and what life would have been like now, for instance on a saturday morning would he have been coming over for an egg sarnie and a coffee and generally filling the house with laughter and swinging the kids about, i recently wanted to start putiing some little ornaments on his grave because the flowers are akways dying and the little bears i got him are so much better and my boys love choosing them but my step mum wont let me, which is hard at the moment, as the last thing i can give to him or do i am being banned from doing, yet she will still let me put flowers on which die and then look revolting, so at xmas i am doing the biggest bloody xmas wreath i can find

What did you do last November?, maybe try doing something

would she let you put one of those wind thingys in the ground. My children picked a lovely small ladybird whose wings spin around gently in the wind.

Oh and just to say me step mum is the same. Mine and my sisters names are not on the headstone,it dosen't even say that he was a father. Can you get the wording changed once it has been done? can you replace a headstone? I don't mind falling out with her as she never goes there anyway.

if its too easy for her to rip off and throw in the bin then it will, so even when i put flowers on i have to tie the tray in to the ground with wire so its a bit of an effort, sad eh?

i think its down to whoever has the rights of the grave so it would probably be her, when died i put 41 red roses on his graves as he was 41 the next day after the burial she had thrown them in the compost heap, they were ruined all squashed, so i tokk them to her front door rang the bell and threw them at her, screaming at her, but she still hasnt learnt, i have to just bite my lip now, we are moving shortly to a new house and i might create a little remeberance garden for mine and dh, dad who was also 41, id like to have a little area for their bears and a lantern with a candle or something ad get a nice plaque done with their names on