So I went and asked for antidepressants and the GP said no

[KatyMac]

After my mum's non-funeral I got it together enough to ask for counselling from well-being & got a 50 min zoom (non-particiatory) webinar on grief

On Friday I broke down at my smear & asked for help - I got asked to ring the GP

& it took me to this afternoon to ring (as its hard) and I get told I need counselling in 3 weeks

I went 3 times with a sore elbow a few years back and got offered antidepressants each time until I saw a physio and it was tennis elbow

Go to a different doctors ... try a female doc, they tend to be more empathetic!

I felt let down, that I had asked for help and not got it

Try again, OP. Request a different doctor and be firm in what you need. Doctor's need to take mental health seriously

Did the doctor discuss any reason why they though ADs were not the right thing ?

Perhaps they felt that if bereavement was the cause of your sadness, ADs might not be appropriate, at least until after counselling had been tried. They can only make you feel better if there is a neurochemical element to your low mood. When we are unhappy because we have terrible stuff going on in our lives, ADs can't help us.

I guess but menopause (not sleeping), chronic fatigue (excess sleeping), grief (mum/cousin/cat) and guilt that my mum died alone mean I'm not sleeping, I'm waking with nightmares and I'm having rages

This cant carry on

I think I was expecting to feel better, be functioning better after 5 months (although I know it will never go)

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time op. No wonder you are struggling.

Perhaps the gp doesn’t want to put you on medicine because he/she feels that will dull your emotions and you need to be able to talk about your sadness fully in order to benefit the most from counselling.

It sounds like what your going through is normal grieving and pain for your loved ones. Perhaps antidepressants to balance the brain chemicals will not make any difference to you if your chemicals are fine it’s grief that you are suffering from.

Counselling will really help you and I know it seems an eternity to wait but hang in there and things will get better once you’ve had a few sessions.

I can see why they don,t want to give out pills if you haven,t tried counselling first. And antedepresents may also effect your sleep and have side effects.

Bloody demand it

That sounds awful. What a lot to deal with.

There’s quite a lot to break down though. Grief is a process. My understanding is that sometimes people are prescribed ADs for what’s called complicated grief but in your case it sounds like the dr felt you needed to work through the grief and sadness first. That is very different from depression (although I agree prolonged grief can turn into depression).

On the menopause: please don’t accept ADs as treatment for this! HRT would be the better option if you think you need to deal with it medically (no shame in that).

It sounds like you’re going through an awful time. But ADs do have some difficult side effects and it is wise to be cautious. I agree that it would be worth trying the counselling. It may be that at the end if the day you will need the ADs. But having had to rely on them myself I would say - don’t rush down that route. They can be a life saver, but ADs aren’t necessarily to be taken for all life’s horrible sadnesses and losses.

I hope things get better and am very sorry to hear about your losses. (Off topic I know but have you thought about another cat? There are so many desperately in need of loving homes and a person to care for them.)

as pp said it sounds like you have had a terrible time but it would be totally appropriate to feel bad with all that. you should be able to go through these situations and feel very deep grief after losing a parent never mind the rest. and 5 months isn't long at all to expect to be over that. antidepressants would be if you were experiencing boyond what was normal

OP, I am so very sorry for your losses, one is tough but three is a big burden to carry. The two sites which I found incredibly helpful were cruse.org.uk and MacMillan.org.uk

I would also tell you that there is no right or wrong way to get through this... just getting up each day is a victory.

My sincere condolence to you.

I do want a cat desperately but DH doesn't as it will die and he will get upset again

Its the rages and the not sleeping that are so hard, I wonder if more hrt would help - when I started back on patches it was such a relief but I feel the effects have worn off

I'm not really functioning thank goodness I am self employed or I wouldn't have a job any more

Its like my brain biped and I'm all frantic all the time with palpitations and breathlessness

It feels shit

Get a cat, that sounds like a silly reason from your dh.
As long as you are willing and able to look after the cat (I'm sure you are!) Then what's the issue? Pets are known to be good for stress, why do therapy dogs exist?!
And change your doc or ask for a second opinion, ad's shouldn't be that difficult to access under your circumstances.🐈💐

I came off ADs after a bereavement. I had grief counselling which really helped, it's worth looking at op.

Get a cat, that sounds like a silly reason from your dh.
As long as you are willing and able to look after the cat (I'm sure you are!) Then what's the issue? Pets are known to be good for stress, why do therapy dogs exist?!
And change your doc or ask for a second opinion, ad's shouldn't be that difficult to access under your circumstances.🐈💐

Had bit of a better day today- 2 rages and 4 tears

Cat is still a no-no

Reordered some amitryptaline to see if that helps me sleep (prescribed for pain but it made me sleep so I stopped taking them back in March)

I think you need to speak to a different GP. I have on and off anxiety and de. I take ADs which mainly help it go away. But I think the approach by doctors is vastly different. So it's really worth trying to find the right one.

I know bereavement isn't depression but I do think it sounds like the medication could help. It's tough to feel like this I know.

I had a solid 9 hrs last night and I feel loads better

I cant take one tonight as I'm driving at 8am but even if its every other night, no nightmares make such a difference

Go back to the gp, ask for someone else. It's not acceptable for them to say no without a bloody good reason. I know how hard it is to ask for help. If someone had said no, i would have given up. God knows where id be now. The meds will give you some stability while you go through the counseling. Side effects can be really tough for the first few weeks and you may feel worse before you feel better but it's worth it.

Good OP. Did you ever ask your gp for something designed for the purpose to help you sleep? That may be better than strong painkillers. It’s very easy to get addicted to stuff like pain meds. But it’s good you are aware how you feel the next morning when in them as they can slow your reactions.

Just thinking back re counselling and what he said. Are you in the waiting list for counselling now or are they going to phone you in like three weeks time?

My appt is the 4th so that's quick I think

The amitriptyline is an antidepressant in higher doses but a pain med at the lower doses - I had them for when I had chronic pain but the excess sleep meant it didn't work well for me - however relief from pain and sleeping is really good right now

I normally take co-codamol - I'll just take less of them

I think you should see a specialist about changing your HRT. AD's may not be the answer you're looking for.

www.independent.co.uk/news/health/menopause-antidepressants-symptoms-worse-hrt-shortage-a9148951.html

You could be right - I was good until Feb when I ran out of patches
Then I went onto tablets and gel - the tablets were awful 0 horrid side effects
I went back on to patches just after my mum died so maybe it's that as well as grief

I was feeling guilt more than grief

Wellbeing got in touch today as a follow up

They did a questionaire about trauma and apparently I scored quite high so they are looking at a form of counselling called 'rteb' which I cant find on Google so I may have misheard or mis-spwlt it

She was surprised that the GP hadn't offered ads because of the time frame - but she thinks the rteb will work more quickly with out them so.....

She really listened