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Original poster

Don't even know where to start

26 replies

SpringChicken · 18/10/2004 14:50

One of my clients at work had a baby daughter on Wednesday - she slipped into a coma and died on Friday night.

I am sitting here a blubbering wreck - i can't even speak.

I've always had a good relationship with him and when my DD was bought he sent a big bouquet of flowers to the hospital for me - I heard from my mum (who is also my boss) that the baby had been born on Wednesday but things "Weren't good" but er knew nothing else. I decided yesterday to send an email to his Assistant just saying that i obivously don't know details but if she feels it apropriate then please pass on my thoughts to * and his wife.

I have since had an email back saying that sadly she died on Friday evening - aparently, his wife went into labour on Monday - she was induced 3 times and finally gave birth on Wednesday. When Isabel was born she had 3 fits and slipped into a coma and then so sadly passed away on Friday.

I didn't even know his wife or Isabel but i cannot see the screen for tears, i m just a complete wreck. Her funeral is later this week.

Obviously they are just in complete shock at the minute but i'm sure it will soon turn into anger and they will be demanding come answers from the hosital as to what the hell went wrong.

As i only have a professional relationship with him and don't know his wife i am struggling with what is the best thing to do - i have asked his assistant to let me know if they will be allowing flowers at the funeral, in which case i will send some - other then that i was just going to send a very basic card saying something along the lines of "Thinking of you".
Should i do this or just leave for the time being?

OP posts:
spacemonkey · 18/10/2004 14:52

How awful

I think it would be a lovely idea to send a card. I'm sure they will appreciate knowing that others are thinking of them at such a dreadful time

Twinkie · 18/10/2004 14:55

Do it now SC - it is hard when something like this happens but people tend to sit back and wait when you need the support and help.

I'm crying too now, big hug to you. XXX

wellsie · 18/10/2004 14:56

SpringChicken, how sad. Have started to well up just reading this.
I think a card is a good idea, just something simple, like you say "Thinking of you".
Can't begin to imagine how these poor people are feeling.

JanH · 18/10/2004 14:56

Definitely send a card - not just "thinking of you", but also how desperately sad you are for them - they will appreciate it.

Awful, awful, awful. How do people cope with things like this?

throckenholt · 18/10/2004 14:57

there is a recent thread about a friends stillbirth started by zebra - a number of people have posted there - it might be worth having a look.

It is an awful thing to happen to anyone. Send a card and say how sorry you are.

puddle · 18/10/2004 14:59

SC there's a thread a few down called 'sad news - a friend's stillbirth' which might be useful. Sorry can't do links. Please do send a card - even though you have a professional relationship rather than friendship it's still right to let them know that people are thinking of them at this very sad time.

Twinkie · 18/10/2004 15:00

Springchicken there are some great books that could help them

Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death
Carol Cirulli Lanham

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby
Deborah L. Davis

Maybe a bit early now but may help in the future.

JanH · 18/10/2004 15:01

zebra's thread

pixiefish · 18/10/2004 15:09

Agree with everyone- send a card. It's bound to affect you- it's made me cry and I don't know anyone in the equation.
Cards will prove to me a condolence to them after the funeral when they can sit and think

Hulababy · 18/10/2004 15:10

How terrible.

Yes, I do think a card would be a good thing to send.

MrsDoolittle · 18/10/2004 15:12

This is very tragic. I am upset reading your post, something I would never have understood before the birth of my dd.
Sending a card is lovely idea. It's all you can do in a situation like this

lou33 · 18/10/2004 15:21

How terrible for them. Sending a card sounds lovely, I'm sure they will aprreciate it.

Spacecadet · 18/10/2004 15:21

Iknow Everyone else has said it but you might find it helpful to read Zebras thread, definately send a card,it doesnt matter that you dont know them that well, they will appreciate knowing that people are thinking of them.I am so sorry for them, I dont think there is anyone that doesnt feel devastated when they hear about a babys death, my heart goes out to the little girls parents.

GeorginaA · 18/10/2004 15:49

I think sending a card is a fantastic idea. Acquaintances of ours lost their premature baby fairly recently and they requested money went to the hospital's neonatal unit instead of flowers, so it'd be worth finding out how they want to handle that side of things.

BooMama · 18/10/2004 15:58

Oh, this must be really sad for you. I haven't chatted with you before but I gather you have a little dd?
A friend of my dh had a stillbirth with a little boy a few months after I had my ds. I didn't know her very well but I was devastated - it was all too close to the birth of mine and I suddenly realised how truly awful it was. I couldn't stop crying at the time.
Definitely send the card and let them know how sad you feel.
My thoughts are with you too!

Original poster
SpringChicken · 18/10/2004 17:48

Thanks all - Have read Zebra's thread - very very sad!

Will definitely send a card - Thanks for your responses

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringChicken · 19/10/2004 14:30

Funeral has been arranged for next week as there needs to be an autopsy.
I am so pleased to say that my client has demanded a full enquiry be made as it appears to be neglegence on the hospitals part that caused this tragedy.
Aparently mum goes from being ok one minute to being inconsolable the next - which is understandable. She is still in the hospital and has had to be sedated.

So so sad still cant quite get my head around it

OP posts:
Spacecadet · 19/10/2004 14:41

Oh the poor , poor, people, I am so sorry for them

bundle · 19/10/2004 14:44

oh how absolutely shattering, dreadful

MINNIE1 · 19/10/2004 15:33

My thought's are with you all.. terrible news

DelGirl · 19/10/2004 15:38

How awful .

CountessDracula · 19/10/2004 15:57

what about the rest of you who came before?

fisil (x2?)
sophable
pollingford
countessdracula
bouj
willow2 (unless football wins over mumsnet)
bettys
pamina3
beetroot
bossykate
codswallop
sofiaames
princesspeahead
ks
sykes
fairyfly
saraconnorek

Think that was our list last time, are any of you up for it?

CountessDracula · 19/10/2004 15:58

sorry ignore commetns I cut and pasted from last one!

CountessDracula · 19/10/2004 15:58

oh god sorry totally wrong thread

Original poster
SpringChicken · 26/10/2004 15:32

Funeral is on Thursday!
I spent a lot of time picking a suitable card - wanted it to say just the right thing - not too much, not too little - think i found it in the end.

Have also arranged for a flower arrangement to be sent to the funeral - checked it out first to make sure i wouldnt be stepping on anyones toes and have managed to do it through the florist that is doing the flowers for the rest of the funeral.

Gosh, I hope they can start getting over this awful ordeal after Thursday

OP posts: