Children to a funeral - yes or no

[LowFat]

Sadly it's very likely that in the next couple of weeks my DH will have to say goodbye to his GD. He is currently in a coma after a massive heart attack last night after 2 months of being in hospital.

I know it is wrong to be thinkning of this in a way, but planning practically is the only way I can deal with things right now.

I have a DD4 and DS 10mn. DD loved her GGD and she knows he is very poorly and everyone is sad and worried about him - I have explained this to her. And GD loved his GGC (my DD was eldest of 4 GGC to him) very much, they were all he looked forward to seeing and I feel he would not be unhappy to have them there at his funeral if it would keep everyone in a slightly lighter mood - IFSWIM

My own father died when I was 6 and my GD when I was 11 (I never knew my GM's and other GD). I was kept away from both funerals at mym mum's decision and probably pressure form relatives. Something I will always regret.

I could probably have someone look after the DC's at home, but the funeral will be a good 2 hours drive away and I dont want to be that far away from my DC's - I tend to have panic attacks when my immediate family is split over long distances (a diagnosed psycological knock on effect of loosing people so close to me at a young age).

There is no question of me not paying my respects to GD as although not my own GD I love him like he was.

MIL or SIL may be able to arrange sitters for my DN, so I could leave DC's there if the sitters were willing, but my DC's wont know them and may not be willing to stay.

I dont want to bring this situation up with DH at the moment as he has enough to cope with.

I feel DD could cope with a somber environment for an hour or two and DS is very adaptable and will happily sit in his pushchair as long as he can see people. What do you think I should or could do?

When my dad died my mum made sure that we all knew that she would prefer if we bought the children, but would understand if any of us chose not too. She grew up in Ireland with wakes and viewingthe body and all that. She sees death as part of life IYSWIM and thinks saying goodbye is essential.
We took all the children - aged 11, 8 and 2. I am very glad we did. Actually the graveside bit was nice for them - they placed notes and flowers and pictures on the coffin and all said goodbye. I should add that my parents had 26 grandchildren aged between 19 and 6 months.
All the kids attended and they stood at the front during the service and read a poem they had written about my dad. I know it sounds naff but it was actually lovely and they all said that they felt like they had said their own goodbyes. When they visit the grave they feel as if this is actually where grandad is now and that is a comfort too.
So I guess I am saying it probably depends on the kids and the culture around death.
I would certainly do the same again if that was what my kids wanted too

When dd3 died in January, me and dh made the decision not to let ds2 go to her funeral. We was just under 4 and dd3 was 22 months. They played with each other every day and I couldn't let him see his sister lying there. We couldn't even bring ourselves to tell him what had happened to her and he was very frustrated. He might be unhappy in the future but I did what I thought was best for him at the time.

You do what you think is best for your children. Take care. (((HUGS)))