My mum :(

[marmite92]

My incredible mum died suddenly a few hours ago, she had pancreatic cancer but was doing well, we spoke every day and I saw her all the time, but yesterday morning she developed sepsis after a bowel perforation and deteriorated very quickly. I am only in my 20s and my mum was only early 50s, I have absolutely no idea how I am going to cope and go on in life without her x

I’m so sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss, Marmite.

Do you have other family you can see at the moment, for some comfort?

I'm so sorry OP

Sending you lots of strength and love.

So sorry op. Sending you strength

I'm so sorry for your loss. If you need to talk, please feel free to message me - I'm an ex Marie curie nurse xx

Thank you all, she was so proud of me doing my phd, and she actually got to read it last week as I printed it off to proof read, so I am taking comfort in that. She said before she died she knows I've passed it.

I just don't know how to get through everything. I live with my Nan at the moment as I broke up with someone a few months ago so moved back home to finish my phd, and there's more space at my nans, she is being amazing and strong x

@marmite92 everything you do going forwards, do it to make your lovely Mum proud.

I am so sorry for you loss, I completely understand how you feel. Being so young it makes people your own age not be able to understand or know how you are feeling. My Dad died 18 month ago from pancreatic cancer aged 59, it’s a cruel cruel illness.

Oh I am so sorry for your loss.

Oh sweetheart, there are no words. I hope you have friends and family to turn to. Grief is such a difficult process. I don't know if it helps but remember this is the worst time and you will in time feel a little better and then more. You'll remember your mum with smiles one day and not tears, even though that's a while away now. You're in my thoughts xx

I’m so heartily sorry Marmite,
I understand what you mean about zoning out and then it hits you again. It’s also like a physical pain as well isn’t it.

I’m not going to lie to you and say it will get easier because it doesn’t . However it does become easier to manage. That said though. I don’t think you ever stop crying for your mum. My mum died coming up to 5 years in October and I occasionally find myself in floods of tears and often nothing has even triggered it. I comfort myself that she’s out of pain and in peace. It doesn’t stop me wanting her, though.
You must continue with your PHD.
Your mum will be there with you in Spirit and your heart.
Xx

So sorry

I lost my mum very suddenly to pancreatic cancer about 4 weeks ago. It was only 10 days post-diagnosis and the shock and grief has been immense. Sending to you, I’m so sorry this has happened.

Oh darling, I am so sorry :(
A big hug and .

So sorry @Whattodo121 it's an awful illness. my mum was a non smoking tea total and it feels so unjust. I keep reliving it over and over now, worried that I didn't do everything to make her comfortable as she seemed confused and bit uncomfortable towards the end, and I gave her a little drink and wasn't quick enough to get the bowl for her to spit it out and she swallowed some and it didn't go down properly. I sat her up and she spat the rest out then she seemed ok but I'm going over and over in her mind that she might have been suffering at that moment

Sorry for your loss @Glitterb it's a horrific illness, and being so young it just feels so unfair. I just can't get my head around it. My friends are amazing but I don't know anyone close to me who's lost a parent

so sorry for your loss. Keep talking about your lovely mum and give yourself time to process it.

Oh Marmite, I wish I could put my arms around you now. I am so sorry for your loss.

Marmite92 please don't do that to yourself. Unfortunately, it is completely normal for someone to seem confused towards the end, and your mum would have known I'm sure that you were trying to make her as comfortable as you possibly could. You was there, that's what matters, she left this world knowing how much she was loved by you xx

I did this after my mum died, went over what I could’ve done differently. The truth is, she was loved and knew that, just like your mum it sounds. It’s hard to accept the lack of control that they’ve been taken from you, you must also be feeling some kind of shock.
Please don’t be hard on yourself at the moment. What happened sounds like the natural dying process rather than your mum suffering more than she had to.
This is a hard time, you will come through but give yourself time and compassion. Lots of love.

Sending you a hug xx

It's so hard, I have anxiety disorder anyway so it's normal for me to go over and over things and conversations and what I could have done differently, trying to think logically about it. She knew I was with her and how much I loved her xx

@marmite92
You are bound to go over the last moments in your mind, and maybe it's part of the process, but as mumof5 and Lovelymonkey have said, she will have known you were doing your best for her.

Before she died, my own mother said to me that nothing I did afterwards could be wrong, because she had complete faith in me. I always go back to that when I am feeling rotten for not being a good daughter to her.

I'm guessing, but it sounds like your mum will have had complete confidence in you, too. She knew you like no-one else did, and if she's anything like mine was, she will be rooting for you.

You and your nan look after each other.

And try not to do her suffering for her. You can't make it better, and you have enough suffering of your own.

Thank you @RidingOn yes she will have known that, I was so close to her and she said a few hours before she died there's nothing unsaid between us because we know how much we love each other, so I'm trying to hold onto that thought. It feels more painful as the days go by at the moment, today is the worst day, day 3 xx