My mum :(

[marmite92]

My incredible mum died suddenly a few hours ago, she had pancreatic cancer but was doing well, we spoke every day and I saw her all the time, but yesterday morning she developed sepsis after a bowel perforation and deteriorated very quickly. I am only in my 20s and my mum was only early 50s, I have absolutely no idea how I am going to cope and go on in life without her x

It sounds like the two of you were very close, like I was with my mother.
We are so lucky to have had that closeness. I hope it stays with you all your life, at least that's my experience, 27 years on.

For a certain time, you will just be grieving. But eventually, life does start to grow back in. You will be happy again.

So sorry for the loss of your mother.

I’m so sorry to hear this incredibly sad news. Take one day at a time for now, and when things feel bleak remember what she would have wanted for you.

I am so sorry that you have lost your mum so young. I'm glad that you are with your Nan at the moment. The things your mum said to you in those last few days demonstrate that you have nothing to regret. Your relationship was clearly everything that it could have been, and much better than many of us are able to achieve.

Take care of yourself.

Yes taking comfort in that there's nothing to regret there. I feel awful because you know when people say they feel their loved ones with them, I don't feel her yet she just feels gone and I'm trying to feel like she's with me but I don't feel it

Yes, I can understand that. In my case it took some time before I felt she was with me again, and that was only from time to time.

Do you think your nan would be up to talking about your mum with you? About her childhood? It might help you both to feel her closer. If not now, maybe in a little while?

@RidingOn we had some lovely talks today about my mum, lots of reminiscing and talking about when she was little, think it was a big comfort to us both. My Nan is amazing and is so strong, she's like a mum to me as well so that makes me feel closer to my mum

@marmite92 I'm so glad you're there for her too. You and your Nan will get through this. And you'll have a happy life, and you'll get your PhD, even if it's the last thing on your mind just now.

So sorry to hear about your Ma. You are both in my prayers.

So sorry for your loss

So incredibly sorry for your tragic loss.

It's been a week now and I feel like I'm getting worse. The shock of it has worn off and it's now the realisation of missing her and not being able to tell her things that have happened, it feels unbearable. Does it get easier? I feel like I'll never get over this terrible sadness feeling

I’m so sorry. The first few months can feel over bearing and so hard but you will get through these dark days. Sending lots of love

marmite, yes, I think it does get easier over time. What made it easier for me was being busy. I mean really throwing myself into something that took up most of my thinking space, so when painful memories rose up I would sort of shelve them, which meant I postponed the pain until I felt stronger, and the pain was diluted somehow, so easier to manage. But for the first few weeks/months, I was just in pain, just pain, all the time. I think maybe that is just something you have to go through. They say it's better for you in the long run.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, especially at this time, when you must also feel so isolated from friends and family too.

I am so sorry for your loss. My dad died in my 20s and I'm just caring for my mum in her final weeks after a late brain tumour diagnosis.

From my experience with dad I know the pain is excruciating, but survivable just taking one second at a time.

This poem helped me so much in relation to my mum. I love it.

That's a lovely poem @LoveWillOvercome I really like that. It's so hard but I've thrown myself into work this week, and I got my phd submitted today and I know she would be thrilled and celebrating with me.

Just trying to take it day by day at the moment

@marmite92 that's all you can do. Take it second by second and see how you get on. It's crushing. There is no pain like it but I'm 16 years on from my dad dying and while mum now dying is excruciating, I know how much time helps the pain move from being acute to being manageable.

I also know how important it is to have a bloody good cry. With dad I kept everything in and it was unhealthy. This time I'm openly a mess.

I'm sending you so many virtual hugs. The world is so strange right now it's even more important to try and find ways to make sure you are getting the support you need x

I lost my mum fairly young and suddenly - I was in a Grief bubble for a good two years. I am still in such pain daily five years on but I can find happiness in life again. Grief of your mother for me was paralysing but I had young children and had to go on. Seek therapy as soon as this virus is over - my husband was lacking badly emotional support and this helped. I’m so sorry - it’s a long toad and not an easy one but you will smile again x

You are in my prayers!

I am so sorry for your loss. Something that gives me strength (even though it makes me cry) is that I can always hear her voice telling me what to do in any situation, because I know what she would have said. I'm sure your mother would want the best for you and she'd want you to get through this. Grief is a very tough process to go through, but you will get through it. Take care.

Thank you, we had the funeral today and it's hit me so hard saying goodbye to her. I was doing ok the last week but this has set me back to square one. I will seek some help to get through it when all of this is over just to help me process it all. I can't imagine not feeling this way at the moment but I know in time it will pass xx

Hi
My mother died on 19th jan and wasn't sick, well that we knew of. My dad found her and had to do cpr and then I rushed around but by the time I got there it was too late. 5 hours before she had made a roast dinner for us all.

I feel the same as you, it doesn't feel real, I cry when I think of everything she's not going to be part of. I can be absolutely fine and then have a complete breakdown. I think I am suffering with PTSD from that night. I guess you never really know the love you have for someone until they are gone. At least we were lucky to have fantastic mums for the time we did xxxx

I had ptsd from watching my mum die - horrific!