Sad news...Friend's Stillbirth

[zebra]

Just heard that some1 we know, her baby was stillborn last night. A "beautiful little girl". Almost 41 wks... no probs in pregnancy except a blood pressure scare a few weeks ago. About causes I've only heard something about the umbilical cord... she knew there was no heartbeat before giving birth. Her older children r close 2 mine in age. She had a late miscarriage (17 wks) last year, too.

I feel so sad for them... and guilty that I've been resenting my own children of late.

Just wanted 2 say something somewhere...
if only 2 remind me 2 hug my own children tight today.

Flip, as Womba says, you sound like a jewel of a friend.
Zebra, even saying hello to them at the moment may well make them cry...if my experience on returning to work and "facing" people for the first time is anything to go by. I still treasured people's kindness in speaking to me and not shunning me, honestly. I didn't resent them for making me "lose it". Please don't be afraid to ask them about Poppy's birth or funeral, I think it will mean the world to them.

Zebra my own baby son, samuel was stillborn at 26 weeks 14 years ago, in fact his due date was november11th, so he would have been 14 next month.The pain was indescribable and I kind of blocked it out and even tried to convince myself that I was still pregnant, only when I became pregnant again a few months later with dd1 did I finally break down and grieve, I never even saw my precious littl boy as it was decided it would too distressing for me as I was only 17, crying as i write this, all these years later,now have 4 lovely children but had to be counselled during every pregnancy as was convinced they would all die.Now have 12 week old and have pnd and was so bad when pregnant with her that I never bought any baby stuff. The worse thing after Samuel died was the way people avoided me,ESPECIALLY people with children, mu best friend didnt invite me to her daughters bday because a baby boy was goin to be there. My own mother used to change the subject If I mentioned Sam so what I am saying is send your condolences and let your friend know that you are there if she needs to talk, but don't avoid her, her and her dh may well want to be alone with their grief for a while but they need to know that their friends are there for them. i think there will come a time when your friend will want to talk about har daughter as it all part of the grieving process, but in the meantime let her know you are there for her. I hope this helps and I am so sorry this has happened.Life can be so very cruel. I hope your friend will one day hold a healthy baby in her arms but she will never forget poppy, her 1st born.

I'm also really sorry to hear this.

I had a miscarriage in june this year and found that bad enough, but I can't imagine anything worse than stillbirth.

Some friend of the family had a stillbirth, I was always reminded of that when I thought about my and my DH loss.

It puts alot of things in perspective when things like that happen... But kinda in a bad way.

It's just really horribal is all.

I just wanted to thank everyone on this thread because it gave me a lot to think about and the feedback became applicable today.

Maybe I exagerated when I said a "friend" had a stillbirth; they are people we know, have socialised with, and can strongly identify with, but I don't know them well enough to pick up the phone. DH has seen them both thru work and we persist in asking after them because we can so easily imagine how awful they feel.

Then, today, my neighbour told me she lost a baby to cot-death. 18 years ago which is why she can talk about it without going into floods of tears. Because of this thread when she first said what happened I didn't panic (as you do) and not ask any more, instead I asked loads of questions, not least because I genuinely wanted to know.

I also asked her how she felt right after it happened, was it better or worse if people just brought the subject up. She said it was better -- even though it put her into tears every time, she so wanted to talk about it. And that it was awful when she could see people crossing the road or ducking into shops to avoid talking to her after it happened.

Talking to my neighbour was such a positive experience I think I now have some grasp on how I will handle/deal with the situation when I do see our friends who had the stillbirth. But only because of the feedback I got here... so, thanks.

Hi everyone,
just to let you know there is a fantastic support network for anyone who has lost a baby - either through miscarriage or stillbirth, or finding out how to support someone too. It is accessed through www.babyloss.co.uk. If you need to talk (well write), about anything - being pregnant again after miscarriage, thinking about trying again, persistant miscarriages....There is a place for you to find support. I found it invaluable when I lost a twin, and then found myself preganant again. It's a wonderful place, try it, recommend it.
Adlib

God bless little Poppy and all the other babies that are lost every year. The pain must be inbearable. Tortourous.

Oh how terrible This happened to my parents with their first baby - he was 41 weeks and the placenta disintegrated. I feel so terrible for your friends - as you say it makes you want to hug your own and thank your lucky stars.

There is so much pain on this thread. I had no idea how many mumsnetters were affected - either directly or through a friend

RIP baby Poppy