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Original poster

Sad news...Friend's Stillbirth

58 replies

zebra · 01/10/2004 13:13

Just heard that some1 we know, her baby was stillborn last night. A "beautiful little girl". Almost 41 wks... no probs in pregnancy except a blood pressure scare a few weeks ago. About causes I've only heard something about the umbilical cord... she knew there was no heartbeat before giving birth. Her older children r close 2 mine in age. She had a late miscarriage (17 wks) last year, too.

I feel so sad for them... and guilty that I've been resenting my own children of late.

Just wanted 2 say something somewhere...
if only 2 remind me 2 hug my own children tight today.

OP posts:
Tinker · 01/10/2004 13:15

Oh no, how horribly, horribly horrible

coppertop · 01/10/2004 13:16

How incredibly sad. My thoughts are with this family.

Marina · 01/10/2004 13:17

zebra, how simply dreadful. So sorry. Please put her in touch with SANDS if the hospital has not already done so.

Marina · 01/10/2004 13:18

Oh and Zebra, believe me, even mothers who have suffered late miscarriage/stillbirth can still resent their surviving children sometimes...please don't feel guilty, or stint on the hugs either! Take care.

Titania · 01/10/2004 13:19

i knew someone who this happened to as well....we both were due at the same time....both of us due with girls....her little girl was stillborn on her due date.....I felt so very very guilty for having a healthy dd at the time.

Thought are with the family.......

mummylove · 01/10/2004 13:19

my eyes have welled up - this is so sad, miscarriages are sad but a still born? why can life be so cruel sometimes?

poor people, 41 weeks of carrying a baby only to lose it before you even meet - i just cant imagine how they muct feel, torn, broken, angry, devastated.

what could you possible say to them to ease this pain? i guess that you are there for her if she needs to talk.

sorry zebra, this is also sad for you as you are her friend and you can feel some of her pain.

sending you lots of {{{{{hugs }}}}} to help keep you strong for your friend at this awful time.

x

throckenholt · 01/10/2004 13:21

zebra - that is really sad - and impossible to imagine how to deal with.

ks · 01/10/2004 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Angeliz · 01/10/2004 13:22

How awful

Nimme · 01/10/2004 13:24
Sad
whitefeather · 01/10/2004 13:24

so upsetting thoughts are with the family x

bonniej · 01/10/2004 13:28

Thinking of you and the family. Can't even begin to imagine how awful it is for them at the moment xxx

SpringChicken · 01/10/2004 14:08

This is the one and only post on my whole time as a mumsnetter that i can honestly say has made me sit here and sob!

How absolutely devasting for the family - you cannot even begin to imagine how they must be feeling and what they must be going through. It must be a very hard time for you too Zebra.

I'm going to give me DD and huge hug and make sure she always knows how much i love her.

cab · 01/10/2004 14:16
  • cannot imagine anything worse.
MINNIE1 · 01/10/2004 14:18

Thinking of you and the family..

krocket · 01/10/2004 14:18

awful zebra, really sad.

Exactly same thing happended to a friend of mine. She went in to have it at 41 wks and they couldn't find a heartbeat, they found out the baby had died and she had to give birth knowing that. It was 4 years ago and it still makes me sad. The hospital were brilliant with them and gave them loads of support and ongoing help. Cruel cruel world.

Kayleigh · 01/10/2004 14:21

so, so sad

Twinkie · 01/10/2004 14:23

Zebra - thats awful, I agree does make you hug your little ones just a little closer!! - happened with one of DPs ex girlfriends at the beginning of the year (was not DPs obviously!!) - she was one week over and said when she got to the hospital in labour that she hadnt felt the baby move for a while - they checked and it had already died!! - Was heartbreaking as I was 8 weeks and felt so bad at the time but found out 10 minutes ago that they are expecting again 12 weeks and everything going fine so far.

Just be there for her and if you can bring yourself to, in a little while buy them a treasure box (I think Marina gave me the idea), I did for my sister to keep photos and the wrist bands in - she said it helped to have something to focus on. Theer is also a great book you can buy I think it is called Empty Cradle Broken Heart that my sister also said she found helpful.

Most of all though be there and don't be afraid to talk about the baby or to get upset infront of them.

Thinking of you and your firend.

Twinkie XXX

Original poster
zebra · 01/10/2004 14:25

Thanks 4 the replies. They do have lots of family close by & I dont want 2 intrude on their grief. I didnt want 2 upset anybody on MN who is pregnant, but boy did this make me fee grateful 4 what I have.
Was thinking maybe after a month or 2, if they dont plan something like this themselves, some of us friends/colleagues could club 2gether 2 get a tree planted in the baby's memory. Or something like that. Does that sound good?

OP posts:
sunchowder · 01/10/2004 14:28

So sad to hear this Zebra, the family will be in my thoughts. It is so hard to imagine that things happen in a natural order when you have to face this kind of loss. My sympathy to you and the family.

conker · 01/10/2004 14:28

a lady we knew to, same thing happened. We are clubbed together and bought a tree and she really sappreciated it.

It really knocks you for six doesnt it?

Twinkie · 01/10/2004 14:30

Zebra - send a card and a book now just so she knows you are thinking of her - you never know you might be the one person that talking to helps - people deal with grief differently but I think people really appreciate it when you acknowledge sooner rather than later that something has happened.

Marina · 01/10/2004 14:38

Check with them about the tree, Zebra. It was offered/suggested to us in the kindest way after Tom died but for many months I put it off because I was convinced the tree would die too and I would not be able to bear it. We now have a thriving, pretty little crab-apple tree in the garden though...
Twinkie has reminded me of the treasure box. John Lewis do some simple pretty ones if you can get to a branch, there are lots of other shops that sell them.
If the family were given polaroids of the baby rather than proper photos, I know a photographer in SE London who is very sensitive and kind and can convert a polaroid into a permanent photo. Also the baby's scan pictures, if they want to keep them forever. He does mail order - I know you are not in London.
Do please send a card for now - as others have said, it will remind her that wonderful friends like you are thinking of them all at this very sad time.

womba1 · 01/10/2004 14:43

I gave birth to my baby boy James a few years ago and he was stillborn. He looked perfect and i dealt with it by just imagining he was fast asleep and having a peaceful dream. It helps so much to know that people are thinking of you at a time like this...love to your friends Zebra x

poppyseed · 01/10/2004 14:49

How dreadfully sad.
Things like this make me so emotional and so thankful for our two as well.
Zebra I too will hug mine tight - what a lovely mum you sound.