about to give birth and my mother is terminally ill

[sophus]

I am 39 weeks and recently found out that my mum is dying of end stage liver disease. she came out of hospital 10 days ago having made good physical progress. Unfortunately she has suffered some neurological damage and is now quite confused. We have been told she has about 6 months to live.
It would take the world's longest post to describe all the emotions and conflicts i am going through. The physical deterioration we see in her is in retrospect the easiest to deal with, but "losing" her sharp presence in my life at a time when i really need my mum is more than i can bear to deal with. Also i feel terribly guilty that i can't be there to support her in the way i want as i am stuck at home in beached whale state, waiting to give birth.
I am lucky in that my wonderful brothers have arranged fantastic care for her and she is being well looked after at home until such time as she needs to go into a hospice.
None of this was ever how it was supposed to be - there is no good time to experience either end of the circle of life but both coming to me for the first time in this way is something i never foresaw.
Overall i am just so sad, for my mum who is no longer who she was just a few short weeks ago. Sometimes i just sit here for hours just crying, and it is all making me stress so much about the baby - what if anything goes wrong with the LO.
Bit of a rambling post i know, but just don't know what to do with myself somedays.

congratulations on the birth of your little boy sophus, I'm so pleased that your mum got to meet him it must mean so much to you.

I have got myself in a right state reading this thread and have tears streaming down my face.

I have also lost my mum (ovarian cancer), I can't believe she has been gone for two years now. I had a lot of help and advice on mumsnet at the time but have since changed my name.

She died six weeks before my ds2 was born, it was the hardest thing I have ever been part of. My dad,sister and I were with her at the end and she also went knowing how much we all loved her.

I know exactly what you mean about the crying, I could never cry in front of anyone so would sob uncontrollably whilst driving, in the shower or at home alone sitting on mumsnet like I am now!

Two years on it has got easier, I can go the odd day without thinking of her, I never thought I would. You are so right about the little things, I still think "oh I must ring mum and tell her" when one of the boys does something new.

Sorry this post has been all about me, but I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel like so many others on this thread.
Lots of love to you and linus x

thanks so much for that post. I have been getting letters of condolence and congratulations at the same time. People just don;t know what to say.

Funeral this week, just have to accept it will be very tough indeed, but also have to plan a lot to make it all feasible with Linus.

Have been getting sadder the more time goes on as I think more about Mum before she got ill, rather than the relief that she is free of illness now. But i did so much grieving in the last few months of my pregnancy that what is left is just sadness rather than acute pain.

Linus is great, we are very lucky as he is a good baby (most od the time....) so i do manage to get enough sleep and he is pretty happy which makes us happy. You can't help being happy when a 1-month old laughs because he has learnt to fart in the bath.

xx

hello sophus!
I was so sorry to read about yuor recent loss.
I was thrilled to read about your recent addition!Love to you all XXXX