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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

I feel stupid.....

33 replies

littleweed · 27/09/2004 18:35

found out today that I had an empty sac with no baby in it. I was only 8 weeks so I know it could be worse. I feel absolutley fine physically and feel this doesn't count as a miscarriage cos there is nothing there but I feel stupid for geting my hopes up and there being nothing there. ahve to go back on friday to see if it will come out by itself or if i need a D&C. Please don't feel you have to reply to this - only my husband and one friend knew I was pregnant anyway. just needed to get it of my chest.

OP posts:

coppertop · 27/09/2004 18:37

I'm so sorry, LW.

littlemissbossy · 27/09/2004 18:41

You have nothing to feel stupid about littleweed. Very sorry to hear this lmbx

zebra · 27/09/2004 19:18

Don't feel 'stupid' LW -- you have every right to be disappointed. I'd be bummed, too.

kalex · 27/09/2004 19:20

Hugs to you Littleweed. It doesn't matter how many people knew, it is a real thing to you.

Hulababy · 27/09/2004 19:34

But you mustn't feel stupid at all. You were PG - even if not for long and the pg didn't quite make it. I does count as a mc too.

So sorry Its a horrid thing to go through, and you now need to take some time for yourself, and your DH, to come to terms witht his loss, and of the loss of your hopes and dreams for this pg.

Take care. MN will be here to support, listen and help when you need it.

NomDePlume · 27/09/2004 19:43

Oh LW, sad for you. Please don't feel stupid.

Nimme · 27/09/2004 19:54

You feel the way you feel - but don't feel stupid.

I miscarried at only 5 weeks last year. Went for scan and it was all gone - that was so hard. It is not the pregnancy - but all the hopes that go with it.

BIG HUG

Tinker · 27/09/2004 19:59

Don't feel stupid, miscarriage is horrible

zippy539 · 27/09/2004 20:08

I'm so, so sorry Littleweed. Like everyone has said. it's not the length of the pregnancy that matters, its the hopes that were tied up with it. This does count as a miscarriage and is every bit as devastating. All my thoughts are with you. Get all the support you need, here and elsewhere. Again, so sorry.

Aero · 27/09/2004 20:36

So sad for you LW.

PennyMojo · 27/09/2004 20:48

..sorry littleweed .. of course it counts as a miscarraige you were emotionally invested in it .. [[[hugs]]]]

MINNIE1 · 27/09/2004 21:22

LW,
So sorry for you... as all the rest say you are not stupid, thinking of you... Please let us know how you are feeling during the week and were all here for you...

essbee · 27/09/2004 21:26

Message withdrawn

sobernow · 27/09/2004 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

childmindersam · 27/09/2004 21:49

I am so sorry, i know how you feel. Exactly the same thing happened to me at the end of July. Had 6 positive tests and scan showed at 8 weeks just a sac and no baby! It was horrid, as far as i was concerned i was pregnant. All your hormones scream pregnant so dont feel stupid. Im still grieving for a baby that i know i had! Take some time to get over this, i thought id be ready to try again str8 away but after a scare last month i realised i needed time! I hope you are ok and can look to the future! It will happen for us both, we just need to be strong and believe! Bless you

serenequeen · 27/09/2004 22:14

i'm so sorry.

fwiw, i lost one at 6wks last year and felt like a total eejit for being so stupid as to get my hopes up. i kept telling myself how lucky i was compared to others - but it didn't help much.

all that going back and forth to the hospital to be monitored is the pits - you just want it to be over once and for all - to get on with your life.

the only thing i can say is that it did get better over time and that i wish the same healing for you. hugs.

DelGirl · 27/09/2004 22:20

So sorry littleweed . I lost my 2nd one earlier this year at only 4 and a half weeks and I was completely devastated, it took me weeks to come to terms with it tbh. Take care of yourself and please please don't feel stupid. Hope is a strong emotion I think and when it's taken it's taken from you it's very hard.

Original poster

littleweed · 28/09/2004 04:28

thnak you everyone for your messages.The daft thing is i don't feel any different physically - in fact I feel as fine as you can do giventhat its 4.30am & I've been awake for an hour. i think DH thinks that it's all over now so pick yourself up and get on with it..... but its not all over as i have to wait for my body to get rid of the sac thing. i feel Ok as long as i don't think about it but funnily enough I can't seem to think of anyhting else!
your support means a great deal as no one apart from DH knew I was pg. littleweedxxx

OP posts:

cab · 28/09/2004 07:06

Littleweed sorry about your miscarriage. The waiting game is really horrible and it's worse when no one knows what you're going through. Look after yourself. And remember that we're here if you need us. xxx

MrsWednesday · 28/09/2004 15:16

Littleweed, I'm so sorry to read about your miscarriage. All I wanted to say is that you don't have anything to feel stupid about - your body thought you were pregnant, and you've been living with the thought of that baby for weeks, so it's not surprising you can't think of anything else now this has happened.

Thinking of you - the waiting game is a horrible one and you have my deepest sympathies. About your DH - it is different for men, as they don't have to cope with the physical side of m/c they can sometimes detach themselves from it all. If you can't talk to people in real life, there are plenty of people here (me included) who have been through this and are ready to listen.

Sending you big hugs.

strawberry · 28/09/2004 17:06

Littleweed - so sorry for your loss. This also happened to me earlier in the year. It doesn't matter when it happens - you can't help making plans when you get that positive result and then all your hopes and dreams are wiped out. Please don't feel stupid.

Even though you hadn't told your friends/family you were pg, this doesn't mean you can't tell them what you are now going through. We are here on MN for you but I think it's important to have someone to talk to the real world. Some people find it easier to talk to a counsellor and you can contact Miscarriage Association to help. My health visitor was very supportive.

It is difficult for men to understand and to express their emotions. My DH is not very expressive but this doesn't mean they are not hurting. There was an article in the Sunday Times just gone about men and mc - I will try to do a link. Thinking of you.

strawberry · 28/09/2004 17:08

www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,2766-1279117,00.html

This is the article about men and mc. Sorry can't do links but if you copy and paste the above, should work.

hana · 28/09/2004 17:13

I read the article too, thought it was really good

Original poster

littleweed · 28/09/2004 17:31

thanks strawberry - as it happened I saw the article - will try adn fish teh papaer out of teh binaadn leave it lying around somewhere. bless him he's being as suportive as he can but he doesn't really kow what to do or say & i don't really kow what i want him to do or say!!!! kep teh chocolate supplies coming I guess.....
on a more seriuos note - have I actually miscarried or is there a different name when there's no foetus? I guess the date of it will be when it finally comes out. there is still nothing from me so guess it might wel be a D&C job - what joy.
Again thanks for all these messages - they are really helping me see that teh event isn't unique nor are my feelings. lW xxx
PS carp spelling sorry
PPS oops crap

OP posts:

eemie · 28/09/2004 17:57

Sorry to hear this. You can't tell at first how you are going to feel. My last mc was early and I told myself it wouldn't be as bad as previous ones, because I hadn't known I was pregnant for long, the baby would never have had a heartbeat, etc. I was wrong. I think I was trying to protect myself from having to face up to the reality of it. It all caught up with me later. So try to give yourself time to absorb what's happened and don't underestimate how much you need to look after yourself.

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