I can't cope without mum

[Ellieboolou27]

Two weeks ago yesterday my mum and I were eating hot dogs at a country fare, Dad was playing in his band on stage whist mum chatted about looking forward to her holiday the following Sunday. That evening she was taken into hospital as she'd been feeling very breathless and bloated, her twin sister called the ambulance as was worried.
Two days later she was diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread to her liver. She died 10 days later (Friday just gone).

She was my life, my two small girls who she looked after for the last 3 years are devastated. I can't believe she's gone, she lived with me 3 nights a week to have my children.

I was so close to mum, there were no symptoms. In 12 days my life is broken.

I don't believe she is gone, how can I carry on when she carried me all my life?

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

the loss of a parent, especially suddenly and under the age of 80 or so is devastating. Not all families are close so people won't always understand. I spend quite a bit of my job helping people with funerals so I don't underestimate the loss you feel, but I can tell you that when I see them 6-12 months later (annual memorial service) they are in a better place, still very sad, still angry they were taken too soon yet in between they can enjoy happy memories of their loved one, can tell funny anecdotes and as time goes on that sadness stops taking centre stage.

There's charities offering counselling if you want to talk, also churches can provide a quiet space in our hectic world and those of us who work in churches are able to provide a non judgemental listening ear.

Take care and hugs

I see my Dad every time I look in the mirror. I have his eyes. Your parents never truly leave you OP, you carry them in every cell of your body and in your heart

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I lost my mum very suddenly when she was only 66. My kids were only babies, and she was the main carer for my disabled brother. My Dad was also a needy narcissist. It was a very tough time.

I'm not going to sugar coat it for, you have a very rough road ahead of you, I can promise you though that you will survive and feel happiness again. Everything will feel very dark for a while and the sadness can sometimes overwhelm you. Don't fight it. The only thing you can do for the moment is take baby steps. Just get through the seconds, and then the minutes, the hours and then another day is done. It will get better.

A nurse friend of mine gave me some good advice, which I thought was really stupid at the time, but she was so right .... take care of yourself physically. Take an multi vitamin, keep hydrated and force proper food into yourself even if it makes you gag. You CANNOT cope mentally with the emotional turmoil if you dont take care of your body.

My hearts breaks for you because I do know what you are feeling. Only those of us who have lost a loved parent can understand. No matter how great your friends are, they wont get it unless they have lived it, so try and speak to someone in real life who does. Sending much love x

I’m really sorry for your loss and can really commiserate.
I was on holiday with my dm when she had a bit of a stroke, but the local A&E dismisses the whole thing. Then she went from bad to worse and I decided to take her to the closest decent hospital (3 hours away) where she was treated with kindness and respect until she passed within the week.
However I have learnt that the way to go is remember the good things and try to forget the bad.
Please try to be kind to yourself and the raw feeling and emotions do get better ( sorry to be so trite, but it does get better with time).

I’m so sorry OP. I lost my dad last year so understand some of what you are feeling.

You’ve had lots of good advice here and the only thing I can add is that I would also really really recommend. Having regular time to offload, rant, vent, cry, talk was a godsend for me to be honest. And going through things with somehow who knows just the right questions to ask and to unravel the knots that grief will almost certainly create, is invaluable.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you find a way through each day.

• really really recommend counselling... not sure where the word counselling disappeared to...

I’m really sorry 😐
💐

OP I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it’s the shock that’s the hardest thing to deal with and the fact you have young children. It’s the absolute bloody injustice of it all. I think things actually get a little bit harder after the funeral because you’re just meant to get on with life but how can you when your life has been irreparably changed?

My dad died almost 4 weeks ago and I’m still not coping very well. He died very suddenly of a heart attack at just 56. No chance to say goodbye, nothing. I feel broken. I’m on maternity leave at the moment which I’m thankful for but it does give me a lot of time to think about things.

Have you thought about grief counselling? x

OP I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. She sounds like a wonderful person and you obviously had a very close bond, and have a close family so she sounds very loved. The shock must be immense, having gone through an emotional rollercoaster like that.

I can understand how you are feeling, I lost my lovely Dad on Father’s Day. I agree that only those who have lost a parent can understand how devastating it is. Coincidentally, a friend of mine lost her mum a week before and meting up to talk about our parents is really helping. I can see how grief counselling might also really help. The Simon Says charity do grief counselling for children I think. Thinking of you and everyone else on here who has lost someone

@leftielefterson my Dad died suddenly too. I also had no chance to say goodbye so completely understand how you are feeling. It really sucks.