I can't cope without mum

[Ellieboolou27]

Two weeks ago yesterday my mum and I were eating hot dogs at a country fare, Dad was playing in his band on stage whist mum chatted about looking forward to her holiday the following Sunday. That evening she was taken into hospital as she'd been feeling very breathless and bloated, her twin sister called the ambulance as was worried.
Two days later she was diagnosed with lung cancer which has spread to her liver. She died 10 days later (Friday just gone).

She was my life, my two small girls who she looked after for the last 3 years are devastated. I can't believe she's gone, she lived with me 3 nights a week to have my children.

I was so close to mum, there were no symptoms. In 12 days my life is broken.

I don't believe she is gone, how can I carry on when she carried me all my life?

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's really hard when it's very sudden and unexpected. Give yourself lots of time, however you feel is fine - there are many stages of grief to work through. Hugs for you all.

On my life, you poor thing. I am so sorry it must be such a shock. My deepest sympathies x

Ellieboolou27 I'm so sorry to read that your lovely Mum died so suddenly. You clearly thought the world of one another and what treasured memories she has given you. It will take time to mourn. Be gentle with yourself.

I am so sorry for your loss x

I am very sorry for your loss, Ellieboolou27.

One day at a time. You will keep going as you have kids to look after. Think of her often and share stories about her - maybe memories from when you were a little girl - with your own children to keep her memory alive for them. Allow yourself private moments to cry and get upset. It will get easier but keep going.
My husband died suddenly and I find comfort in picking out the brightest star and talking to it. I used to do it every night at first, now ten years later I still do it on occasion.
You’ll never forget your mum. But do the best job you can for your own kids as a tribute. I’m sure she was very proud of you.

Oh, my lovely, of course you feel like this. What a shock. When my mum died and I was a state, the gp was excellent, they gave me sleeping tablets (which I hated) and diazepam, which did help. Just for a couple of days to take the edge off. My mum died in a hospice and they have offered me lots of grief counselling including for my children. (who she partly raised, very similar to your arrangement) maybe your local hospice can help you guys?

Do you have anyone nearby that can support you? A partner? Sibling? Friend? Anyone you can cry to no matter what the hour?

The pain hasn't gone away for me, it just changes over time. I still feel claustrophobic if I think about her absence. And I dream of her and wake in floods of tears because in my dreams I always hug her and never want to let her go. But we talk about her often and we have planted a gorgeous tree in my garden with her ashes underneath and at any birthday, or celebration I light a candle underneath it and sit there with a glass of wine and just be with my mum.

I hope you find a way to get through the next few days, and then the weeks and find a way to rememeber her that gives you comfort.

Oh my goodness, that is so very sudden, and you are bound to be in a fog at the moment.
Focus on the practicals for now - the arrangements, and your childcare will be your first focus, but allow yourself to cry and let it all out.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how raw your pain must be. As everyone says, it will change over time to become more manageable but for now just take it minute by minute, hour by hour. Take care.

You sound like a lovely daughter. I bet your mum loved you to bits and you made her so happy.

Remember it is the circle of life and the way things in the world are meant to be: birth, life, death.

The early days, weeks, months, sometimes years of bereavement are awful, but it gets better. Allow yourself to grieve, and in time, you will cope with it well.

Wow so many lovely replies so soon, thank you all.

Mum was an identical twin and we are all such a close family, her brother flew over from Australia Thursday evening to see her and after she saw him she said she can die now which she did, she had 12 of us all in the hospital room when she died, the Chaplin said she was blessed to have that.

Once again thank you all, I've been reading this board for a while and it makes me feel less alone.

Sorry for your loss.
You & your children were very lucky to be so close to her.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm so so sorry OP

I'm so sorry Ellie, I'm sure you'll take future comfort from so many loved ones being present when she passed

Sorry for your loss @Ellieboolou27

So desperately sorry for you. What a terrible loss. Please take comfort in talking about your mum with your family. Remember the Samaritans are always there to listen without judgement day and night. Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry. 💐💐💐

So,sorry for your loss x

I lost my beautiful Mum in similar circumstances 2 years ago. She was diagnosed with lung cancer, and died 4 weeks later. Life can be so very cruel. I'm not going to lie, it's been very tough, but you will get through this. Live life to the full as your Mum would want. Don't waste previous time. Hugs to you x

@Justmemyselfandi999 sorry to hear you lost your mum too, it's so terrible.
My mums funeral was yesterday and now I feel even worse, I feel no joy in anything and can't believe I will never speak to her again.

I am so sorry for your loss. It will take a long time, but I promise you it will get better. You never 'get over' losing a parent, but you learn to live without them.

I was devastated when I lost DF. 15 years later, I still think about him every day, but now it's a happy thing. I miss him, but the good memories are a huge consolation. I know that will seem hard to believe now.

Your DM sounds like a wonderful person

So sorry for your loss. I don't have any helpful advice unfortunately but I'm going through the same and am struggling so hoping it helps to know some people know what you're going through and how horrific it is. I feel a tiny bit better when someone just tells me how awful it is so I know I'm not the only one feeling this bad.

I am so very sorry you lost your Mum. I lost both parents four days apart. I know how absolutely awful it feels to lose a parent. It is strange, but I feel some people don't think the loss of a parent is a devastating as it is. Right now everything is very raw for you, and it must be even more difficult since she stayed with you and helped with the children. She sounds like a lovely and caring person

Grief is different process for everyone. It took me over a year to stop crying at night and feeling angry and desperate to have them back. I also dreamt about them, and not in a good way. I believe you just have to ride it out. You won't think so right now, but it does get better gradually.

My parents died seven years ago now. I still think of them every day, and little things like cooking something my Mom did, or gardening, which she loved. Dad pops in my mind daily also.

I can now cherish the memories and appreciate what they gave me. I don't have what I call grief attacks any more, but sometimes I will shed a few tears. I remember them with a warm feeling and love.

Be very gentle with yourself. Don't do make big changes or make difficult decisions. Ask for help. Try and get enough rest. Cherish your family. You will get through this and come out the other side. You can't rush grief.

All the best to you.

@tryingtobebetterallthetime your post makes perfect sense, people who haven't lost a parent can't quite seem to understand the depth grief that I feel.

I'm sorry you lost your parents so close together, that must have been soul destroying.