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Miss you Dad and feeling guilty xx

35 replies

Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 09:35

Missing my dear Dad so much today. He died over a year ago rather suddenly after being poorly for just 2 weeks. He was such a great Dad and Grandad and he was cherished by us all more then he could ever know. I feel guilty a lot that I didn't give Dad a kiss the last time I saw him, the cardiologist and his team had just come in to speak to him about more tests and were gathered around the top of his bed so I couldn't get near him at that time. Maybe I should have stayed but Dad said 'I know you're busy with the kids etc so you can head off now' and I said 'ok bye Dad, see you tomorrow' and then I waved to him purely expecting to see him the next day but unfortunately he died suddenly early the following morning. I really should have waited for the team to be finished and told him I loved him one more time in case he didn't hear me the last time I said it. There's other things I wished I said too and things I wished I thanked him more for over the years. Dad loved Father's Day and getting little pressies, we usually went out for a family lunch or dinner on the day itself. He was always known to us his children as 'Daddy' until we we became teenagers when 'Dad' sounded more cool but today he's Daddy in my mind. Missing you so much Daddy, Happy Father's Day, wherever you are xx

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WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 16/06/2019 09:40

Hey OP, I lost my Dad 4 weeks ago, funeral tomorrow and I feel guilt . Should have visited more, though they live down the coast and I am London, no car etc . I just keep replaying Dad sitting in his bed looking sad . I now know its probably because he knew it would be the last time he saw me (Stage 4 COPD and pneumonia)
Your Dad would have known you loved him and , as you say, you thought you would see him again . Try to hold on to those lovely wonderful memories of Fathers Day Past .. Flowers

Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 09:45

Thank you @WhentheRabbitsWentWild and I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Dad xx

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AJPTaylor · 16/06/2019 09:46

I lost my dad 17 years ago and still regret not asking for some time alone when he was in intensive care to tell him just how much I loved him.

SummerHouse · 16/06/2019 09:47

You sound like a wonderful daughter to me. All he would want is for you to be happy. There are some beautiful happy memories in your post. Focus on those. The last time you saw him you did what he wanted you to do. Don't think you should have done anything differently, or stayed, or said anything.

ShowerOfShite · 16/06/2019 09:50

My dad died three weeks ago. I want him back. He knew I loved him but I want to be able to tell him again.

stephstrops · 16/06/2019 09:56

I too am suffering from a huge pang of guilt today. My lovely Dad died almost two years ago but his last Father’s Day I missed and the only excuse I have is that I was being lazy. I loved my dad so much and I know he didn’t mind but I feel like utter shit today

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 16/06/2019 09:58

@Butterfly98 thank you x

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 16/06/2019 10:00

My Mum is collecting me today as I am staying with her today and tomorrow night . Whilst looking through older photos (ie 60s when I was born and little) she found a long ago sent Fathers Day card from a little me .She suggested I put it on show today when we go down , which I shall do and it will still be up tomorrow when family begin to arrive .

madasamarchhare · 16/06/2019 10:15

I lost my Dad 10 years ago. Still wish I’d told him I’d loved him more. Still wish I’d given him a last kiss as the paramedics carried him into the ambulance. Still wish I’d been more patient when he was annoying me. But I know he knows I loved him and him me. He was the loveliest, happiest, kindest man and I still miss him every day. He was a fantastic dad and grandad. Please be kind to yourself especially those that have recently been bereaved. I know how raw you must be feeling. Time helps but is certainly no healer. You just find a new way.

Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 10:59

Thank you @SummerHouse for your lovely post. My Dad has a small glasshouse which he used to call his summerhouse for growing some fruit and veg in it. Your kind words have really comforted me especially when I saw your username! Thanks again xx

@WhentheRabbitsWentWild that is a a lovely sweet idea for you to have the Father's Day card from your childhood on display at your Dad's funeral. It will feel nostalgic and remind you of happy memories ((hugs)) 💐

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Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 11:02

@madasamarchhare @stephstrops @stephstrops @ShowerOfShite @AJPTaylor sorry for you all losing your Dad's no matter how long ago it was, I know how you feel and ((hugs)) 💐 to you all. Thanks for posting xx

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SummerHouse · 16/06/2019 11:14

Flowers Your dad sounds lovely and no wonder he had a lovely, caring daughter. Flowers

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/06/2019 13:07

Flowers.
Its my dads second anniversary tomorrow. He passed away the day before father's day. He was my best friend.
Flowers for everyone else who have lost their dads.

Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 17:28

Aw ((hugs)) to you @Awwlookatmybabyspider 💐 today must have been difficult for you too xx

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/06/2019 17:47

Thanks Butterfly. I'm not doing too bad. X

Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 17:59

Aw thank you @SummerHouse, I'm sure you're a wonderful daughter too xx

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tryingtobebetterallthetime · 16/06/2019 18:16

My Dad died five years ago. I was there with him when he passed. In the build up to Father's Day I have thought about him and missed him so much. He was a caring, steady, and intelligent man who was my soul mate in many ways. I turned to him every time I had a dilemma of any kind and he was always steady and supportive in his advice. I try now to focus on making sure my family continue to love and honor their fathers and spend as much time together as they can, as life is short. Love to everyone missing their Father today. For those recently bereaved, I am so sorry. That awful, indescribable pain will ease over time and, for me, it has been replaced by a deep love and appreciation for my Dad and all he was. I will never stop missing him.

WelshMoth · 16/06/2019 18:44

Your Dad knew, all your Dads
Knew how much they were loved by you.

Sending you all much love and care - it's something I dread. Absolutely dread.

Silvercatowner · 16/06/2019 18:52

My Dad died when I was 6, 52 years ago. I have a couple of vague, cherished memories of him. I wish I'd been able to know him better.

Zebraantelopegiraffe · 16/06/2019 18:52

My dad died two weeks ago. Today has just been horrible.

Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 20:18

@Zebraantelopegiraffe so sorry you've lost your Dad and so recently too x 💐 Today must have been especially difficult for you x

@Silvercatowner at least you have some memories of your Dad even though he passed away 52 years ago. The fact that you still think about him shows he's in your heart x

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Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 20:26

@tryingtobebetterallthetime lovely inspiring post x

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tryingtobebetterallthetime · 16/06/2019 21:15

Please be gentle with yourself butterfly x.

mommybear1 · 16/06/2019 21:35

Sweetheart please don't feel guilty your Dad knew he was loved - you were there. There is a lovely book I read that suggests that no one you love wants you to see them die and (you may well not be a believer in these things) but circumstances are invented for you to avoid seeing their death happen - a bit woo I admit but it gave me some comfort after my mom died. Sending you lots of non MN hugs Thanks

Butterfly98 · 16/06/2019 23:27

Thank you @mommybear1 and sorry for the loss of your Mom 💐x. Yes I read somewhere about that book and I think it probably raises some good points, my Dad always said he wanted to slip away quietly without any fuss which is what he did. He was protecting and shielding us from distress in his own way to the end. If we had our way we would never let them go but sadly life doesn't work like that.

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