Miss you Dad and feeling guilty xx

[Butterfly98]

Missing my dear Dad so much today. He died over a year ago rather suddenly after being poorly for just 2 weeks. He was such a great Dad and Grandad and he was cherished by us all more then he could ever know. I feel guilty a lot that I didn't give Dad a kiss the last time I saw him, the cardiologist and his team had just come in to speak to him about more tests and were gathered around the top of his bed so I couldn't get near him at that time. Maybe I should have stayed but Dad said 'I know you're busy with the kids etc so you can head off now' and I said 'ok bye Dad, see you tomorrow' and then I waved to him purely expecting to see him the next day but unfortunately he died suddenly early the following morning. I really should have waited for the team to be finished and told him I loved him one more time in case he didn't hear me the last time I said it. There's other things I wished I said too and things I wished I thanked him more for over the years. Dad loved Father's Day and getting little pressies, we usually went out for a family lunch or dinner on the day itself. He was always known to us his children as 'Daddy' until we we became teenagers when 'Dad' sounded more cool but today he's Daddy in my mind. Missing you so much Daddy, Happy Father's Day, wherever you are xx

Hi all

We're going to move this to bereavement at OP's request.

Love isn’t words. It’s feelings. I’m sure your dad felt how much you loved him.

I think you have to go through the “what if” and the “I should have” to help your brain and heart process it all. I think humans are naturally caring problem solvers, so when you lose someone you can’t solve anything and you can’t care for them anymore so you’re thrust into this helpless lost situation which makes you question everything and anything to try to make sense of it.

At least that’s how I felt when I lost my dad a year ago. And still do.

I think guilt is part of the grieving process. But really it’s just real life and normal to be nonchalant about saying goodbye. No one is perfect and that’s what makes us real.

@Passwordz well written post, thank you. Sorry for the loss of you Dad

Thanks for those lovely words @Passwordz. I lost my Dad suddenly on Father’s Day and feel huge guilt that I hadn’t seen him in several weeks. But you are right, it is probably a normal way to feel.

I think the guilt is normal, but it’s also normal that you don’t see people for a few days/weeks/months.

It’s not really possible for every goodbye to be treated as if it’s potentially the last...

So try not to beat yourself up about it.

Your relationship with your dad is so much more than what you “didn’t do” because normal life was going on. I hope that makes some sense!

Thanks again @Passwordz you are very good at rationalising situations x

He knew you loved him xxxxx

If only @Butterfly98. Grief has taught me a lot.... be kind to yourself

Guilt is totally normal, my dad died 22 years ago of a heart attack when I was 14. I felt guilty in that I never spent enough time with my dad in the last couple of years, I just wasted time doing typical teenage things instead - spending time with friends, playing sport. My biggest regret is I never said thanks for everything he did for me.

Overtime I have passed the 'what ifs', both my mum and I wished we pushed him to get his heart checked out given he was having heart pains, but also his dad died of a heart attack in his 50s too. But we can't change the past, and have to move into acceptance.

Some days are still harder than others, if I have a rough day, I still break down late at night wanting my dad to make everything better even though he died 22yrs ago and I am grown adult in my 30s.

Your dad sounds lovely

Thank you @HellYeah90s and I'm so sorry to hear you lost your lovely Dad at such a young age My Dad is never far from my thoughts so I can relate to how you feel about when you're having a rough day you just want your Dad. I do find comfort in the fact that love is unconditional and never dies no matter how many years have passed as in your case of 22 years. I know they wouldn't want us to feel guilty about anything but instead would want us to make them proud by living the best lives we possibly can.