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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Is it happening again?

107 replies

tex111 · 10/09/2004 17:58

I had a missed m/c in June and just discovered that I'm pregnant again. It's very early days (AF was due yesterday) but I've had 6 clear ++ on home pregnancy tests since last Sunday and have felt pregnant all week.

Today I've been having a lot of period-like pains and when I took another HPT (I'm a total obsessive) it was ++ but lighter than the previous tests. Are these all signs of an impending m/c or am I just overreacting? I really don't know what to think and hate feeling so nuts about this. I don't even see my GP until Mon to report the pregnancy and I think I would feel silly calling the EPU when I'm so barely pregnant. Horrible feeling, not knowing what's going on in my body.

OP posts:
sweetheart · 15/09/2004 11:10

Sorry Tex, haven't been arounf this morning.

Make sure you take all the r&r you need. Give yourslef a few days of pampering. COuld you not maybe have a day at a spa or something - I think you really need total relaxation.

Hope you are feeling better
Love SH xx

Tania2 · 15/09/2004 12:10

so sorry Tex to read about your m/c. Your in my thoughts and big hugs to you {{{{HUGS}}}}.
Have you thought of going natural. I have just started seeing a natrapath and when i was reading through the info she gave me it says not to eat excissive pears and to eat plenty of free range eggs. there is so much out there that we dont know about and doc's seem to only think of the medical side of things.
Just a thought though.
You take care of yourself.
Love Tania

pamina3 · 15/09/2004 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tania2 · 15/09/2004 13:48

I can see where you are coming from pamina3 but please never think you are boring us on the ttc thread we are all here for each other no matter what the circumstances.

pamina3 · 15/09/2004 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MINNIE1 · 15/09/2004 15:01

pamina3,
sounds like a good idea..

cab · 15/09/2004 20:54

Hi Tex, I'm really sorry that you're having to go through physical pain as well as mental anguish.
I think part of the problem is that these blooming tests are so sensitive these days that we 'know' so much earlier, but the miscarriage stats aren't widely publicised.
Think I read somewhere about a study that shows 70 per cent of pregnancies end in an early miscarriage - but could be more - they're not sure of the figs because these more sensitive tests are relatively 'new' on the market. (Still didn't stop me testing early mind you.)
As your g.p. told you (I think), and mine told me, an early miscarriage can actually be a good sign because it means you CAN get pregnant so it's worthwhile to just keep on trying - that's if your brain can cope with it.
p.s. I wasn't sure about the blood tests either, but to be honest was quite reassured when they came back negative. It did help a bit following my early miscarriage this year and missed miscarriage a few years ago. Even though I've had another 2 early miscarriages since I've just put it down to my eggs being a bit old and maybe, eventually, a viable egg will present itself. (Might be this time around and if it's not I'll have more time to lavish on dd!).
Sorry for warbling-on & really hope I haven't said anything that's too insensitive - someone CAT me if I have please!!!
Look after yourself.

debra64 · 15/09/2004 22:08

Sorry to hear about your experience Tex. Its actually reassuring to me that other people go through similar experiences to me - and usually end up ok. I had a missed miscarriage at 22 weeks, which was pretty awful (found out the baby had died two weeks before when I went for the scan). Then I had two perfectly healthy boys (worrying until I got to around 26 weeks in both pregnancies).

I'm now divorced from their father and remarried and trying to have a baby by my husband. I had a feeling something was wrong with my pregnancy in March, at 10.5 weeks (just a feeling and it was right, so never ignore your instincts) and went for a scan to find out the pregnancy was anembryonic and had to have a d & c. This means the placenta and amniotic sac was there and still growing but their was no foetus inside it - people often don't find out about this until the 12 week scan as everything appears normal.

Last month I was at 8 weeks and got a slight brown discharge. This was odd because I didn't have a feeling about what was going to happen whereas with both other miscarriages I had - a feeling of doom waiting in the scan room which wouldn't shift. This was an awful experience because it took three weeks of a gradual build up of pain and eventually red blood which got heavier - but all through it the doctor and scan operator couldn't be sure I was miscarrying and so couldn't do anything about it just in case I remained pregnant.

I was very upset when the first signs came along and quite depressed and physically tired, but in a way I was calmer this time around. This time it was an 'early foetal demise' which sounds the same as yours. Feotus there but stopped developing because of some unknown problem. The doctors said the anembryonic pregnancy (blighted ovum) happens in 1 in 4 pregnancies and the early feotal demise happens in 1 in 6 and basically there shouldn't be a problem in me having another successful pregnancy eventually as the two are unrelated. Same as you - no tests until I have three consecutive miscarriages. One comment I got was that if a woman gets pregnant often enough, these things will happen - its an occupational hazard.

Mind you, I also got a couple of doctors and nurses who shook their head when they found out I was 40, as if to say well what do you expect? I felt like screaming out - my last successful pregnancy was only five years ago! Its not that long!

I was concerned that there may be a problem between my husband and I and apparently thats what they test for after 3. However, the doctor said that it is highly unlikely since we have both successfully had two children each with our exes.

Guess we just have to keep on trying. I know from my first one that the pain does lessen a lot once you have a successful pregnancy, but its still hard to remember that sometimes.

Docs also told me there should be no connection with the timing between the pregnances. Once you have had a full cycle and a period after the bleeding stopped, its ok to try again. My mother keeps saying I should give my body six months rest but I don't feel that at age 40 and having had two in a row, I have time!

debra64 · 15/09/2004 22:12

oops that was a bit long and full of typos - sorry! felt like no point in joining in if I didn't tell the full story. I hope you get to the point where you can keep positive about trying again soon. One thing is positive already - at least we know in this situation that we have no problems conceiving. Some poor folks take years to conceive.

Twiga · 16/09/2004 11:49

Hi Tex111, just checking in to see how you're doing. I Hope you've managed to get plenty of rest and am really glad that your dh has got some time off so you can be together today. Am thinking of you both, keep posting, we're all here for you.
Twiga x x x

alterego · 16/09/2004 14:23

Just wanted to add that you are not alone - I had a mc at 10 weeks in November and then two very early mcs at 31 days and 36 days in May and June. All very upsetting, although physically the 10 week one was much more severe so I'm sorry you are suffering so physically as well with yours. The good news, keeping my fingers very firmly crossed, is that I am now 8 weeks pregnant (ie got pregnant in the month following the early June mc - used fertiliy friend and opks so knew my cycle was proceeding very normally despite the mc). Of course I am still very nervous and the next 4 weeks are going to be crucial. But I like cab and debra's comments that if we can get pregnant this often then the chances are we will be successful ultimately. Btw, I'm also 39 so didn't want to wait any time before trying again.

I like pamina's idea about a separate thread - I do feel that presistent mc'ers are a bit different (not better or worse) ad that it can be a bit difficult for those that haven't got pregnant at all to hear of all these "pregnancies" even if they do fail

Anyway, I'm keeping my chin up and crossing my fingers for you as well tex, that if and when you feel ready to try again you will be successful.

MrsWednesday · 16/09/2004 14:43

Hiya Tex,

I'm also checking in to see how you are. I'm hoping you aren't suffering so much physically today. With me, I had two days of really bad cramps and heavy bleeding but after that it settled down into a normal AF.

I hope your DH is looking after you and that you get the chance to take things easy over the weekend.

I've just joined the TTC thread and am conscious that I might be upsetting some of the people there by talking about my m/c so would also agree with Pamina.

Take care Tex.

debra64 · 16/09/2004 20:39

would just like to wish you luck, alterego. I always thought that it was 12 weeks that was the time to start feeling safer but in fact my doctor told me that its 8 weeks that things often start to go wrong (where I was last time). So since you're feeling fine now, chances are everything will be ok. I've just had my first period after the last m/c and am waiting for my hubby to come home (been away for weeks on a course) so we can get on with the business of ttc again!

cab · 16/09/2004 20:47

Hi Tex - just wondering how you are today?xxx

hana · 16/09/2004 21:48

hi tex.
so sorry that you've had another m/c, so close to your last one. It hurts such a lot. I lost a baby in July last year and was so so desperate to be pregnant again - I wished every day that I was pregnant again.......and then not long after I did get pregnant - and had a m/c at about 8 weeks. The devestation was overwhelming at the time, I look back and wonder how we ever got through it all. I do think that I didn't wait long enough and that the grief was doubled. Everyone is different and what is a 'right' amount of time for one couple is not enough for another. I've read Lesley Regan's book cover to cover so many times, she has lots of positive things to day. I ended up having tests done by my GP ((wasn't accepted for referral at St Mary's) and what seemed to be a long time later all results came back clear.
I am pregnant now - we did give it a break after the m/c in October, but it can so easily consume you. YOu've had lots of great advice and thoughts here - be good to yourself and indulge yourself now, and whatever you're feeling is the right way to feel.
I have my fingers crossed for you that you'll have some answers really soon and that you're finding a way through it all.
hana
x

tex111 · 17/09/2004 08:19

Hi everyone. DH took yesterday off work and I slept until 4pm! I think my body just really needed to rest. The worry, grief and physical aspects of the m/c were really taking their toll. I slept like a log again last night and feel so much better today.

We've decided to wait a month before we start trying again and it's actually a huge relief to give ourselves that space. At first I didn't want to waste any time but now it feels right to step back from it all for a bit.

Hana, you're so right about doubled grief. I think that's why this loss has seemed so much harder than the first one.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. It's always a comfort to know that I'm not alone.

There used to be a Mums-to-Be After M/C thread (or called something similiar). I remember that they were full of help and information after my first m/c, but I don't know what's happened to the group.

OK, going to have a nice day with DS today. Hope you are all doing well. Thanks again for your caring and support. It's really made a difference.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 17/09/2004 08:22

Good to hear you have had some rest and time for yourself. Enjoy your day with DS today, and take care of yourself

cab · 17/09/2004 08:29

Tex glad to hear you got a bit of r&r. Have seen someone post on that thread recently. Check under topics. xxx

Ghosty · 17/09/2004 08:56

Dear Tex ...
So sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs .... {{{{{}}}}}

sweetheart · 17/09/2004 09:46

Tex,

Was just thinking of you this morning and hoping you were ok.

I'm glad to hear that your feeling better and that you've had a good chance to rest.

Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.

Twiga · 17/09/2004 11:02

Hey tex, glad you got plenty of rest yesterday, have a lovely day with your ds. Thinking of you all,
Twiga x x

Quackers · 17/09/2004 21:56

Tex, I'm very sorry. You asked about the mums to be after m/c thread. It doesn;t seem to have been used much lately at all. I had my baby after 2 m/c's last yr and it still seem sunreal to me. It took ages to realise she was real. Even through scans I couldn;t beleive it was a babay after seeing so many of my poor little ones before. Hope fully the thread will get going agina and I wish you all the best for futire pgcies. xxxx

Quackers · 17/09/2004 21:57

Apologies for typos, must go to bed!

Twiga · 17/09/2004 22:40

Hey tex111, hope you've had a good day with ds. Pamina3 started a trying to conceive after mc thread over on the conception board, so some of us are going to post on there as well as the ttc 10 thread, will hopefully be a good source of support and somewhere to vent without worrying about putting others off. Join us whenever you're ready. Thinking of you all x x x

Twiga · 19/09/2004 21:02

Hi tex, how are you holding up? Hope you're getting plenty of time together as a family and that things aren't too stressful. Thinking of you x