Coping, or not coping, with bereavement

[theaudacity]

My father died about three months ago. I loved him very much, and he was a loving father (albeit he wasn't perfect and didn't get everything right). With the rest of my siblings I nursed him to the end, it was emotionally draining and hard work physically, but I don't regret it and near the end he told me how much he loved me and how much he appreciated me. So in that respect, I have 'closure'.

But...I have barely cried at all. I haven't dissolved into tears if anyone mentions him, or if I see a photo, I went back to work very quickly, and I just feel fairly 'normal'.

But...I don't know if this means that I'm coping really well, or if I'm burying my head in the sand and coping really badly.

Does that make sense to anyone?

I think I've posted in the wrong place. He was elderly, but this should be in bereavement. Sorry.

it might hit you suddenly later down the line, or you may have already done a lot of you grieving through the period you have looked after him. you may also know that it was the right time for him to go which may soften the grief.
everyone will experience things differently and you don't need to worry if how you are feeling is wrong. just keep going and know he loved you, you did your best for him and that's all anyone would ever want :)

I definitely do feel it was for the best. He was a shadow of who he had once been and he was in pain. I certainly did a lot of crying in the months that I was looking after him.

Maybe that's it, I had already done the bulk of the grieving.

We're so sorry OP. We're moving this to bereavement now.

Sorry for your loss.

It may well be that you grieved for him during the months you were caring for him and that, for now, is enough. It sounds as though you know he is at peace and caring for somebody in pain for a prolonged period is tough so a lot of grieving and adjusting is done in that time.

You may find that it comes again, like waves, so you may have times when you really miss him and others when you can think of him and smile.

My dad died after a battle with cancer and I felt as though I didn’t grieve enough afterwards but I can now see that I did it all prior to him dying. My mum died in an accident a few years ago and my grief was overwhelming, suffocating even.

A friend of mine has recently lost his mum. She had dementia and so he grieved for the mum he was losing as the illness progressed. He said that we are both grieving the same amount for our mums, his was spread out over a few years but mine came in one hit if that makes sense.

Just be kind to yourself and take your emotions as they are.

Its early days. 6 months down the line and I realised I was still in shock/numb for the first three months.