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Original poster

So a year ago today i had a MMC

31 replies

MerlinsBeard · 01/06/2007 21:09

I wanted to do something to 'mark' it. I wanted to get a (small) tattoo - no money. I wanted to buy a plant/ornament - again no money. i wanted to be pregnant - i'm not. I wanted someone else to remember (i know thats unreasonable) - they didn't. I wanted today to be different but its not been and now i am sat here on my own as DP is out working and he hasn't even remembered.

Someone kick me up the backside and slap me on the face for being unreasonable

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 01/06/2007 21:24

You aren't being unreasonable. Do you have a garden? Could you grow a plant from seed or even ask your neighbours for a cutting of a bush and tend it to make a plant in rememberence?

I hope by this time next year you will have all you wish for.

Original poster
MerlinsBeard · 01/06/2007 21:28

I do havea garden but its a wilderness. I also HATE gardening and as we rent there is little point tidying the garden when we plan to move asap.

Sorry., i shouldn't have posted, i just feel abit lonely at mo

OP posts:
2Happy · 01/06/2007 21:29

Mom - I can totally understand you wanting to mark the day.

I can't seem to find the right thing to say, but I am thinking of you x

whomovedmychocolate · 01/06/2007 21:32

No, you should, it's okay. A plant probably isn't for you though.

Why doesn't anyone remember though? I'd light a candle at dinner and if anyone asked why tell them.

Be kind to yourself, even if no-one else remembers, that was your baby and s/he knew how much you cared.

Dragonhart · 01/06/2007 21:34

MOM, just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. xxx

Wilkie · 01/06/2007 21:35

Oh MOM - I sympathise hugely. Have a good cry, think about your LO and give yourself some time to think about it.

Sending you big hugs ((( )))

Been through it myself so I know what you are going through xx

Original poster
MerlinsBeard · 01/06/2007 21:36

Its past dinner here whomoved ( I don't know where you are - its 9:30pm here) and no one else in except me and the boys and they are asleep

OP posts:
maisym · 01/06/2007 21:37

thoughts to you mofm xxx

whomovedmychocolate · 01/06/2007 21:37

I'm in the UK - just very disorganised tonight!

Okay you are on your own, can you phone someone and talk about it. It doesn't matter what their reaction is, you just need to get it out and get some real support.

ellieandhattie · 01/06/2007 21:38

Mom - thinking of you and your LO.

I remember your posts at the time (was elliepmummy then) I think the candle is a lovely idea XXXXXX

Wilkie · 01/06/2007 21:41

MoM - are you on MSN? I am online if you want to chat about it to someone xx

BibiThree · 01/06/2007 21:41

Marking the date doesn't have to be something physical, just remembering your baby with love is enough.

Other people won't ever remember it as vividly as you, if at all, so don't let that get you down. You remember and that's all that matters.

Chin up hun

lissie · 01/06/2007 21:42

oh god, you are not being unreasonable. people expect you to get over it and move on. they forget that you have lost a child. i dont think anyone can understand unless they've experienced it.

sit down, have a drink (tea, wine, vodka, it doesnt matter) and a cry. you are allowed to grieve for the child that you could have raised

i apologise if any of that is insensitive

whomovedmychocolate · 01/06/2007 21:42

How about a bath by candlelight so you can have a soak and a little dream about your LO, let yourself have a little cry for the times you won't have. It's best not to hold it in. Let yourself grieve.

Original poster
MerlinsBeard · 01/06/2007 21:43

ty for posting.
(elliepmummy i do remember u)

whomoved, i don't know who i would ring even i felt i could do. Not many ppl knew i was pg so felt wrong to them ppl that i had m/c esp as some friends were due around the same time, and i still haven;t really talked about it out loud.

Am beginningto sound like a broken record i know

sorry, just feel a bit 'broken' today

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 01/06/2007 21:45

Okay. But you could always call the Samaritans if you just want to talk and someone to listen in a non-judgemental way.

Wilkie · 01/06/2007 21:45

MoM - you don't sound like a broken record. That is what we are all here for to listen and let you know that we care x

Flame · 01/06/2007 22:09

Oh cr*p.

That is what it was - dreams and oodles of things all day pointing to you (other than the candle which has been burning all evening), but I was convinced it was August for some reason.

I am so so so sorry sweetheart.

No kicks, no slaps, just huge huge hugs

xxxxxxx

Original poster
MerlinsBeard · 01/06/2007 22:16

Flame, why are you sorry?

OP posts:
AlistairSim · 01/06/2007 22:18

I wish i had some cool words of comfort and wisdom for you but all I can really say is I felt the same when it happened to me.

You're not being at all unreasonable. Please try and be kind to yourself.

{{{hug}}}

Flame · 01/06/2007 22:23

I have known all day that there was something that I knew iyswim, but I didn't slow down enough to think

I would have contacted you

Original poster
MerlinsBeard · 01/06/2007 22:25

Please don't feel guilty Flame. I just found it difficult to tell u without sounding whiney and needy sorry

OP posts:
BandofMothers · 01/06/2007 22:27

I always think of my M/C on the day it happened and the day it would've been due. And I don't think DH would remember the date it happened tho. He would prob remember the day it was due if asked as it was Bonfire Night, but I can't be sure.

It's ok, and you're not alone.

Mine was 4 yrs this year, and I still think of it.

laughalot · 01/06/2007 22:27

Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxx

Flame · 01/06/2007 22:30

Now I feel the need to call you a daft bint

How many times do I have to tell you - talk to me.

Not once have I come offline and muttered to Boy "oooh, it was that MoM moanin again" because its not whiney and needy - it is called a friendship, listening to heartaches and attempting to prop the other one up