Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

I can't get my head around it

36 replies

LithaFest · 05/08/2018 23:41

I don't know what to say or who to talk to.

My 13 yo nephew died early hours this morning. We weren't close as he lived in another country. Still in shock though. It's too young. It doesn't seem real. Today does not feel real at all. Every time I think of his parents and what they're going through I fall to bits.

Can someone just handhold for a moment please? I don't think I can sleep.

OP posts:
MsForestier · 05/08/2018 23:45

Handhold OPFlowers I'm so sorry for your loss

MsForestier · 05/08/2018 23:46

Was he ill lithaFest?

ToDarnHot · 05/08/2018 23:47

That is dreadful news. So sorry for you and his family.

Original poster
LithaFest · 05/08/2018 23:48

Thank you. I told my sons this morning but they are too young to understand. My head is stuck on replay. I do t understand why. They usually come over in October and at Christmas too. It's not right.

OP posts:
Original poster
LithaFest · 05/08/2018 23:49

It was a road accident - he died at the scene. I've said a prayer for him tonight. I feel like I need to do something

OP posts:
MsForestier · 05/08/2018 23:50

It's shock lithaFest. It's a very hard thing to process such news.

Pinkkahori · 05/08/2018 23:50

My sincerest condolences to your family. Absolutely heart breaking for you all.

MsForestier · 05/08/2018 23:51

I'm very sorry to hear that. A very sudden death of a child.

Original poster
LithaFest · 05/08/2018 23:54

Thanks it is helping talking. Dp has gone to sleep even though it's a nephew on his side. He's flying out to his family tomorrow. I'll be looking after our kids as they are too young. I don't think I will get much sleep tonight

OP posts:
ThinkingCat · 05/08/2018 23:54

So sorry, it's so sad, it isn't right, so difficult to accept when something so sad and wrong happens Flowers.

ToDarnHot · 05/08/2018 23:54

My best friend's son died in a road accident (he was older than your nephew), it was an awful, awful time, ten years on, she has come to terms with it, and she is ok. Life will never be the same, but you get used to it.

Original poster
LithaFest · 05/08/2018 23:55

I've talked to my mum and some of dp's relatives that live here. But it's now in the silence of my house my head is racing

OP posts:
Whyisitnotcompulsory · 05/08/2018 23:56

It isn't right, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you all Flowers

ThinkingCat · 05/08/2018 23:57

I remember when a neighbour's child who had played with my DS died in a road accident on holiday abroad. It is the shock and disbelief that something so wrong could happen.

Original poster
LithaFest · 05/08/2018 23:57

I don't think nephews mum will ever get over this, she is distraught. I know how much her kids mean to her, she is so brilliant to them all and grateful for all of them. Such a loving mother, I want to throw my arms around her and try to make her feel ok but I can't.

OP posts:
MsForestier · 05/08/2018 23:59

You probably feel very adrenalised. On a practical level perhaps walk tomorrow. I found a small snippet on how to cope with bereavement tucked away in a book last week. Then the next day, on Monday, I learned that a dear friend had died. One of the suggestions was to exercise because grief triggers the flight or flight feeling bringing anxiety. So I've tried to walk this week to cope. My heart goes out to you.

Original poster
LithaFest · 06/08/2018 00:00

Oh my goodness @MsForestier I'm so sorry for your loss. Life is cruel.

OP posts:
MsForestier · 06/08/2018 00:03

She was in her 40s and struggled with depression for years. Everything unravelled on her. I said a prayer for her today. I'm so sorry to hear about your beautiful nephew - a sudden death is so hard to comprehend.

Original poster
LithaFest · 06/08/2018 00:06

It really is. I am so sorry for your friend, it's truly awful.
I had a dream last night about dp's family, they are never in my dreams. Woke up to a phone call from dp's brother this morning. I knew it would be bad news. Had a feeling.

OP posts:
Original poster
LithaFest · 06/08/2018 00:08

Today I've tried to keep everything as normal as possible for the kids, as with them etc just to keep my mind occupied. Now I just can't help feeling helpless. They're both tucked up fast asleep, so peaceful and beautiful. I never in million years would have thought this would happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
LithaFest · 06/08/2018 00:09

Meant to put baked with them*

OP posts:
MsForestier · 06/08/2018 00:11

Thanks lithaFest. I must have cut out that snippet yonks ago and shoved it in a book, not a book I was particularly planning to read ago. Then suddenly I needed the advice more than I expected.

MsForestier · 06/08/2018 00:12

You are proving support to your partner and his family by holding the fort there while he goes over. You're doing really well.

ParkheadParadise · 06/08/2018 00:17

Sorry for your loss LithaFest

No parent should have to bury their child. So sad for all involved Flowers

Original poster
LithaFest · 06/08/2018 07:01

Thanks for you kind words, it means a lot. I eventually managed to get to sleep. Woke up 4 or 5 times though. Gotta go to work. Kids are off to childminders so they will have a great day, they love going.

Thanks for the support xxx

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.