Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Best friend killed herself

33 replies

weechops · 26/05/2018 22:58

Hi I had a thread at the end of 2014 in mental health because my best friend tried to kill her self by overdosing, and I wanted advice how to talk to her. Some lovely people helped me and on the prayer thread too. I us d the name Worriedfriend.
She was found and survived and seemed to be doing ok.
But 3 weeks ago she jumped from a cliff and died.
She left her husband a note. I’ve been to her funeral but I can’t quite believe it.
We lived hours away from each other but she was still like my sister. There’s no one left who’s known me as long.
I think I need to talk to someone in a selfish way, because I’m supporting her husband and they have 2 young kids and she has an older daughter too.
I just want to cry. My best friend is gone.

OP posts:
beIindaBlinked · 26/05/2018 22:59

I didn't want to read and run without sending you a huge hug xxxx

TitZillas · 26/05/2018 23:00

So sorry for your loss Flowers

endofagain · 26/05/2018 23:01

I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Flowers

jollyjester · 26/05/2018 23:02

I'm so sorry dor yojr loss OP Flowers

Have you considered seeing a grief councillor?

I know by being there for her husband and children is meaningful and important but please don't neglect yourself.

midmidlifecrisis · 26/05/2018 23:04

I have no words but sending hugs Thanks

Mammysin · 26/05/2018 23:05

So so sorry for you, your friend and her family. "All" you can do is be there, for you, your family and her family. You don't have to have any answers or magical therapeutical skills but to share your grief, disbelief and compassion.( A relative of mine died similarly )

BrizzleMaverick · 26/05/2018 23:06

I'm so sorry; your friend must have felt so scared and lonely in herself, however not easy for those left behind to wonder why.
I'm sure you are doing a great job at supporting her husband and daughters but you are right that you also need somewhere to let your grief out.
Cruse is a counselling service for adults and I think they also do sessions for children. The service has been good for a few people I know. www.cruse.org.uk

reachforthewine · 26/05/2018 23:07

I'm so sorry for your loss.

KirstenRaymonde · 26/05/2018 23:08

I’m so sorry 💐 please talk about her and anything you like here

BlondeB83 · 26/05/2018 23:10

I am so sorry Flowers

annandale · 26/05/2018 23:11

I'm so sorry to hear this.

I don't want to shove this at you but I've been given this booklet recently for people bereaved by suicide and I found some helpful things in it. I hope there's something in it that strikes a chord with you.

Help is at Hand

Jackyjill6 · 26/05/2018 23:12

I'm so sorry. You must be devastated after believing she was doing OK.

Original poster
weechops · 26/05/2018 23:13

Thank you. Because I’m a flight away, I’m texting and calling her husband as much as he wants. He feels he can say things to me that he can’t to his friends or family, and that’s fine I’m absolutely going to be here for him.
Just the selfish part of me wants to wail But I’m never going to talk to her again! She always knew what to say, gave great advice that I’d take without hesitation, sent me wee things she thought I’d like maybe a new book or just a message saying she loved me. And I’d do the same for her.
I feel like I have no one to love in that way now.
I’m married with 4 young kids so I have people and love but not the same.
I think I’ll look at Cruse. I went there when my mum died, I just wasn’t sure if I could talk about her Suicide..
Thank you for letting me ramble on for a bit x

OP posts:
Becca19962014 · 26/05/2018 23:15

I suggest you contact CRUSE www.cruse.org.uk they can really help you with this. They will assess to see if they can help (in all likelihood they can) the do one to one and in some areas groups.

There's a national support group for family/friends of those who committed suicide uksobs.org there may be a group near you.

I know someone who found both to be helpful in these circumstances.

Mobydick100 · 26/05/2018 23:15

I'm so sorry. You sound, understandably, like you are in shock. I'm so sorry.
Having been in a similar situation, I found keeping a diary helped me process everything I was feeling.
Take one day at a time.
Talk to someone (a friend, counsellor, vicar) about how you are doing.

Original poster
weechops · 26/05/2018 23:16

@annandale thank you I’ll have a read through that in the morning x

OP posts:
elephantscanring · 26/05/2018 23:16

I’m so, so sorry . She must have felt desperate - and i’m sure you did everything you could have done. I hope you and her husband can support each other. So, so sad - sending you huge hugs.

concretesieve · 26/05/2018 23:20

So sorry Flowers

Becca19962014 · 26/05/2018 23:21

I just read that back, I really I hope you don't think I sound blunt/uncaring.

I'm going through this myself and can't put it into words, I'm definitely not in a position where I could cope with counselling, I can't even talk, but I do know that my friend who lost his son to suicide found CRUSE to be a lifesaver (literally in his case as he had a breakdown himself) and found other people either ignored him, or how his son died which was to make things easier for themselves but ended up causing him more hurt. CRUSE were really great and he was able to open up about everything. I remember him telling me after one session he wouldn't be allowed to go back because all he did was rant and rage about it - - he was allowed to, they understood. It took a long time.

He didn't find the group helpful, that seemed to make things worse, though he may not have been ready for that.

KenDoddsDadsDogIsDead · 26/05/2018 23:22

Compassionate Friends are a wonderful organisation and helped me in similar circumstances.

LampHat · 26/05/2018 23:25

So sorry for your loss. It’s lovely you’re there to support her husband, make sure someone is supporting you though. I can’t imagine what you’re going through FlowersFlowers

LighthouseSouth · 26/05/2018 23:29

There's nothing selfish in wanting to talk about it for you. I'm really sorry for your loss Flowers

Yogeybear89 · 26/05/2018 23:29

Hey weechops....
I know how difficult it is right now😢
How alone you feel, who do you turn too?
Honestly the pain does not go away but it eases in time hun...😕...
I lost my mum (single parent don't know my father) when I was 23 unexpectedly and she left behind my little brother(4yrs at the time) and my little sister(2 at the time)
I never felt so alone and afraid in my entire life! With the responsibilities of bringing up my brother and sister as well as my own 2 dc.
I'm pretty sure your friend (sister) would of been at ease knowing that she had such a dear friend(sister), who would watch those beautiful mile stones her children will achieve and feel just as proud as she would of if she had still been here.
Please grieve for her, as it is very important for you to do that hun, I thought I grieved for my mum but I didn't cause I had to stay strong for the children, that caused me to be in a dark place for while and no good to anybody!
Please get some counciling booked in for yourself hun this helps a great deal
I'm deeply sorry for your loss
Stay strong
🙂

Tobesoconfused · 26/05/2018 23:33

Then you should cry, you need to let it out aswell.
So sorry for your loss it's a terrible thing.

Blackteadrinker77 · 26/05/2018 23:33

Fuck me that's awful.

No wonder you need to talk and off load. Your friend would understand that, she just wasn't in a place at the time to think clearly and see the impact on the people around her.

You're far from selfish.

Swipe left for the next trending thread