Partner died unexpectedly

[Lostpuzzlepiece]

Right now it seems like a very bad dream.

Partner of 4 years. Didn't live together, but spoke every day. Last text from him was at 7pm Monday night (which I later found out was when his neighbour heard a loud crash coming from his flat). He never replied to my answering text.

24 hours later, after I hadn't heard from him and after many frantic texts, calls and emails, I and my sister and her partner drove to his flat. I think I knew really, even then, that he was gone.

We managed to get into his flat, and we found him, and he was gone.

I don't know how I'm going to even begin to cope.

I keep replaying everything in my head and imagining a different scenario in which he is still alive and well, and I know that cannot be good for me :(

Nothing you feel makes you in any way pathetic, Lost - this is a bloody hard time for you. Don't be worried about your head replays - they are helping you cope. He will always be with you, in your thoughts and your heart and your memories.

He sounds like he was a wonderful man - would you like to talk about him?

He was stubborn, sarcastic, bossy and way too overprotective of me. He would open doors, bottles and cans of drink for me, carry my bags and would always walk between me and the road. He made me feel very loved and safe and I used to love curling up in his arms. He was almost sixteen years older then me, but we had the same sense of humour, the same views on many things (and the things we disagreed on we'd often discuss'...), the same musical tastes and the same "who cares what other people think" outlook on my life.

Like all couples we had our ups and downs, but we were really happy together and I can honestly say I'd never felt so at peace and content with anyone before.

Hi lost,

So sorry to hear of your loss. Take your days one at a time, it is an unbelievable shock you have experienced - I can appreciate so many emotions you must be feeling at this time.

Are you in contact with dp family?

It's early days yet, Lost. As lunch says, take each day as it comes, try and take care of yourself because you need to stay healthy for your own sake.

One step at a time OP, you're doing really well. I still imagine what conversations would be like if I was reporting to my Dad about what I'd been up to, and what advice he'd have given. There's nothing wrong about that. People just live on in your memory. The funeral provided the start of closure for me, but not in the way I was expecting. I sort of felt that once that was done, Dad didn't 'need' me any more, and I could move on. Best of luck, I'm afraid it's just a matter of time.

What a fab description of him, Lost.

It's quite bright and sunny here today, hopefully a little bit of that reaches you too, even if it's just curling up under a blanket with a bit of sun on you - a tiny thing, but good for the soul.

I dreamt last night that he was lying next to me in bed. I could feel his warmth, his chest under my arm, hear him breathing. And then I woke up, and he wasn't there...he wasn't fucking there.

I am so sorry Lost. How awful for you. I hope you have a lot of support.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my fiance this year and he was just 25. We were engaged for 3+ years. I was older than him. I don't know anyone my age who has lot a partner either (irl). I have found some support groups for widows online. I consider myself a widow because I basically am one except the piece of paper. You might consider yourself that way too.

At first you feel like this can't be real. You feel in a daze. Then you feel like someone took all the breath out of your lungs. You feel like you're drowning. I have episodes of overwhelming grief where I feel like I'm suffocating sometimes. I picture him, his accident, it overwhelms me. I understand what you're feeling... it's all so unfair and frightening. I have had bouts of anger. Sadness. Guilt for still being here and he isn't.

Be very gentle with yourself. That's what they keep telling me, but it's true. Be kind to yourself. hugs