Partner died unexpectedly

[Lostpuzzlepiece]

Right now it seems like a very bad dream.

Partner of 4 years. Didn't live together, but spoke every day. Last text from him was at 7pm Monday night (which I later found out was when his neighbour heard a loud crash coming from his flat). He never replied to my answering text.

24 hours later, after I hadn't heard from him and after many frantic texts, calls and emails, I and my sister and her partner drove to his flat. I think I knew really, even then, that he was gone.

We managed to get into his flat, and we found him, and he was gone.

I don't know how I'm going to even begin to cope.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. It must have been a massive shock

How terrible. I know what you mean about a very bad dream. Just after my DF died, I was walking down the street in a daze and couldn't believe how people could go about their everyday lives, when all I wanted to do was scream, 'My Father is dead!!' at the top of my lungs.

Give it time - the hurt never fades, but you learn to live with it. Hopefully you have a support network to help you, but you have my deepest sympathies.

He was only 50. He was completely fine when I saw him a couple of days before.

He made me feel so safe and loved.

It's funny - even now, when I pull off a great deal at work or do something my parents would be proud of, I want to rush home and tell Dad. But he's not there.

Some people just leave a dent in your soul, and you don't even realise it until they're gone.

I'm the same Leafy. It's only been a few days and already I've thought "I need to tell him that" so many times.

When did you lose your father?

I went to call him the night he died, to tell him he had died - how crazy is that?

Yes. He certainly left a dent in my soul.

I am so sorry. What an awful shock for you.

My partner died suddenly, she was 34.
It was horrific, shock, the pain unbearable and though it was a long time ago, i always think of her.
Everyone says time is great healer but that doesn't help you right now.
I once asked "Does the hole in my heart ever heal? and the answer was "no, but you learn to build a life around it" and for me, i ve found that to sooooo true.
But its very early days for you, so just try and look after yourself as best you can.
After a few weeks i made contact with CRUSE a bereavement charity and that made a huge difference, its not for everyone but it may help.
0808 808 1677

I'm so very sorry

I may give them a call in a couple of weeks time. Thankyou. Sorry for your loss too

Thankyou but as it was a long time ago.
You just take care and talk out your feelings if you can, its a terrible shock that nothing prepares you for.

I can't get my head around the fact that I'll never see him again. I feel like I`ve been ripped in half.

Oh love I know how you feel. My best friend of nearly 30 years does suddenly on Wednesday and I have no idea what I’m doing. The waking and forgetting and then that crashing realisation knocks me for six everytime. And then I’ll go to text him something and remember. It’s all fucking hideous really. I have no advice at the minute because it’s all still fresh, but I get it.

Look after yourself, be kind and do what makes you happy in the moment. It’s so hard

I’m sorry. That is an awful thing to go through.

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry to read this Lostpuzzlepiece and for the pain you are going through.

I had a year to come to terms with the fact that my DH was dying, I can't imagine the trauma of sudden death.

At the moment it is just a case of taking each step, be that a minute, hour, day, at a time.

Parents both got diagnosed with terminal cancer within 3 weeks of each other. Dad died November 2011, Mum died during 2012 Olympics. It's the natural order of things at least; can't imagine what it's like losing a partner or a child, but it's still the hardest thing I've ever had to face.

And people don't talk about it generally, friends 'leave you to grieve', which can sometimes be the worst thing.

But hey, we're here to help each other.

Yes. I've found that my friend's don't really know what to say. At the grand old age of 35, I don't know anyone else who has lost their partner (not that I'd wish it on my worst enemy) and so they find it hard to relate.

I found an old shirt of his today, sprayed it with his deodorant and lay there cuddling it :(

No one knows what to say, its beyond their comprehension.
I feel for you, its incredibly hard but even if you had a friend who d experienced such a loss, they d still not know what to say because there really is nothing anyone can say, other than listen to you and be near you.

My GF loved Poem and i found a top that she d worn that day and would take it to bed with me and hug it tight and dream she was with me again.
I ve still got the top and the perfume.

Op, I know exactly how you feel. My niece of 22 died suddenly last weekend, found on her bedroom floor by her parents. Everything to live for, just graduated, nice boyfriend etc.

It seems totally unreal to me - I also feel like it is a bad dream that I will wake from, despite spending the first part of this week with my brother and SIL and witnessing their devastating grief. I am able to go to sleep, but every time I awake in the night, I remember what has happened.

I keep reliving the phone call from my brother in which he was hysterical, they had not long found her and the ambulance was there, but she was cold. He was the last person I expected, when I answered the phone, and with such unbelievable news.

I keep asking why, why her, a sudden death at any age, but especially so young, is so hard to comprehend.

Hugs and 💐 For you and all others going through similar. I have no idea how my DB and SIL and people like yourself even begin to come to terms with what has happened.

Be kind to yourself, it will take a long time to come to terms with your grief and for now, just try to get through each hour and each day, that is my goal.

If you need to be signed off work, get to GP. I have worked for my employers for a long time, they are a professional business who spend a lot of time and money promoting employees health and well being but it has been sadly lacking this week to me. My GP was very sympathetic and signed me off work.

It is starting to hit really hard now. I went to collect my belongings from his flat yesterday and am lying in bed wearing one of his t shirts. I.honestly wish we'd both died together somehow.

Sorry you haven’t had a reply today Lostpuzzlepiece

Are you still in bed? Perhaps you could get out for a while - a nice walk perhaps 💐

So sorry, have you considered visiting the chapel of rest to see him again? Many find it comforting

He would not have wanted that you, he would want you live and in time, be happy again and you will be!
It is very hard but try an cling to that thought, however its very early days for you, try not to spend too much time on your own.

It is such early days Lostpuzzlepiece, I'm not surprised you want to hide away from the world - and that's fine.
Just keep going through each minute, hour, day.

People say time is a great healer - it's a cliche but it is true.
You will never forget him and you will always carry the pain within you, but your life will expand to encompass it together with other things.
It's hard to imagine now I know.

Have you got any support networks and anything specifically for the bereaved?
Widowed and Young is a peer support group specifically for those aged under 50 when they lose their partner (straight or gay, married or not) and if you are under 50 I would recommend it.
I can't explain how much it helped me to be with people who just "got it".
Hugs x

Thankyou for the replies everyone.
Yes, I have contacted WAY. I have my family but friends just don't get it and I think some are actually avoiding me.

It's been ten days already, and I just don't know if I can, or even want to get through the next ten days, or the next ten hours,or the next ten minutes. I am scared of going through life without him. Does that make me pathetic?