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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Today was my babies funeral

62 replies

BeyondHope · 23/01/2018 17:49

Just that really. Me and my husband said our goodbyes to my beautiful boy born sleeping just after Christmas. The words that the chaplain said shattered my heart. Seeing my big strong husband carry that white coffin into the chapel shattered my heart. How do I begin to come back from this?

OP posts:
DipsyLaLa22 · 23/01/2018 19:40

I completely understand the wanting to talk about him, it’s perfectly healthy to do so. I felt so proud of my son and so pleased to be his mother even though I never knew him. It didn’t help that few of my friends really knew how to react, and that neighbours crossed the street to avoid me.

Please consider contacting your local SANDS group where you can go and talk about your baby boy, your pregnancy, the birth, the loss, everything.

SnowGoArea · 23/01/2018 19:42

It's really not unhealthy to want to talk about him. This is so huge, and going on right now; of course you want to talk and think about your precious boy all the time.

It's so dreadfully sad that you didn't get to know him properly. He knew you perfectly though; you were his home and his comfort and his love right until the end.

Christopher is a wonderful name. I'm so sorry Sad

BattleCuntGalactica · 23/01/2018 19:56

🌹 I'm so sorry.

Parisetoile · 23/01/2018 20:07

Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss. I am thinking of you, your DH, your little boy and your beautiful Christopher. And yes please talk about Christopher all you want. XXX

Sheeeesh · 23/01/2018 20:09

I'm so sorry about what happened to you all. Please feel able to talk on here.

ChishandFips33 · 23/01/2018 20:12

Not unhealthy at all to want to talk about him, your hopes and dreams you had for him...you are grieving for losing him and for what might have been which is complex and there'll be no right or wrong way.

Keep talking to your husband and vice versa and seek strength from each other

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers x

Grumblepants · 23/01/2018 20:15

My thoughts and deepest sympathy with you and your family. Im so sorry x

lauryloo · 23/01/2018 20:16

i am so sorry for your loss

Camomila · 23/01/2018 20:16

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

84CharingCrossRoad · 23/01/2018 20:17

My eldest son Jack was born prematurely in 1994.
I am sending you a huge hug. I second getting in touch with Sands......

Rudgie47 · 23/01/2018 20:21

Sorry to hear that it must be terribly difficult for you and your family.I've never been through this but I've had other losses and time has helped.

lill72 · 23/01/2018 20:23

Heart goes out to you.
I dont have words of wisdom but draw strength from your 3 year old and put your heart into them. I am sorry I cannot say more but just to add my support.

PeonyTruffle · 23/01/2018 20:28

Sleep tight little Christopher - sending lots of love OP x

Bingbongband · 23/01/2018 20:30

I'm so sorry.
Thinking of you, Christopher and the rest of your family. X

MyNameIsNotSarah · 23/01/2018 20:56

Thinking of you and your precious boy.

Original poster
BeyondHope · 23/01/2018 21:20

Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to reply to me. I feel less alone already. We had planned to scatter the ashes at the cemetery. We thought there was a small baby memorial garden but the area is just a horrible stretch of unkempt verge at the edge of the cemetery by the main road and I really don't like it. We only moved to this area about 8 months ago so no real special places for us as such. Not sure I want them to be put in our garden either. I guess we have some time to decide but I'm struggling with where they can go.

OP posts:
Parisetoile · 23/01/2018 21:29

Yes, you are not alone, lots of people are thinking about you and Christopher. Take your time with the ashes, there is no rush now. XXXX

StewPots · 23/01/2018 21:31

So sorry for your loss OP. Sending love to you all at this awful time xxThanks

Julie991 · 23/01/2018 21:38

I'm so , so sorry for your loss . Talking about him IS healthy . I agree with Dipsylala SANDS or another parent support group can be really helpful as most people won't have experienced the loss of a baby .

SnowGoArea · 23/01/2018 21:46

If it's your sort of thing, I've seen suggested before the idea of getting a build a bear made to weight of the baby when they were born. You can each put messages inside and maybe even a little locket of some of his ashes perhaps?
Then save the rest until you are more sure about what you'd like to do with them. It's something you could do with your older son as to remember his little brother. There for cuddles whenever you miss Christopher.

viques · 23/01/2018 21:58

beyond hope, I am so sorry for your loss.

re Christopher's ashes. dont feel that you have to find somewhere for them straight away. Take your time until you find the right place. If for any reason you don't think you can cope with having them at home while you decide, then have a word with your funeral director, I am sure that they will look after him for you.

Take care.

gingerbreadmam · 23/01/2018 22:00

I was just thinking of you today beyond as I was at our local sands support group. I'm so sorry you had to go through today. I hope you and dh are finding some sort of comfort in each other. May Christopher rest peacefully xx

gingerbreadmam · 23/01/2018 22:01

If you don't want the ashes in your garden you could buy a potted rose and scatter them in the rose then at least it is moveable and can go with you if you ever move.

mommybear1 · 23/01/2018 22:07

I am so so sorry for your loss Thanks

TheweewitchRoz · 23/01/2018 22:20

I'm so sorry for your loss Op. There is an absolutely beautiful song currently called Winter Bear by Coby Grant - no real comfort to you at this time but it does sum up the feelings of love very well. Thanks

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