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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Can I have your opinion on this please

38 replies

elerose · 18/04/2007 16:50

Hello, I had a MC on New years eve and have been ttc for 2months now. I had what I thought was AF two weeks ago(which was right on time) but yesterday started spotting agin and it was very similar to early bleed with mc. I did a test and BFP I am so confused and still spotting, do you think I was pg but af was mc as I know tests can still come up positive due to hormones in your system or do you think I am MC now?
I was also wondering if you can go to EPU direct or do you have to be referred by GP.
Thanks in anticipation.

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Lazycow · 18/04/2007 17:04

I would go and see your GP. I'm not sure if you can go to EPU directly (though scans can be done privately)until you have registered as pregnant. As you have a BFP and are bleeding you may be MC or you may be experiencing implantation bleeding. It is so early it is difficult to tell really.

fryalot · 18/04/2007 17:05

Don't know if it's the same at every hospital, but you can go to my local epu without having previously seen a doctor, or had a confirmed pg.

Lazycow · 18/04/2007 17:07

That is interesting Squonk - I never knew that you can do this.

Elerose - Why not call your local epu and check if you can go in directly? It would be quicker than seeing your GP first.

Kelly1978 · 18/04/2007 17:09

I'd ring the epu and ask. Good luck.

Original poster

elerose · 18/04/2007 18:43

Thanks I think I'll ring EPU tomorrow when it opens and ask (I thought it might be quicker if I bypass GP). I am now pretty sure it's a mc I'm having period type pain and passing clots(sorry if TMI). I just want to know what my body is doing.

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Original poster

elerose · 19/04/2007 17:17

Hello I ended up going to GP today as DH didn't think I should go straight to EPU. When I had early bleed with last pregnancy they did a scan but it was too early to see anything and we had to go back to have another a week later (we found the wait really hard) so I dont think he wanted to go through that again. Anyway the doctor said basically I would be about 6 weeks if I am still pregnant but he thinks too early to do anything he sent a sample to hospital I think just to confirm if I am pregnant. I have to call him on monday to discuss where to go from there.
I'm still spotting but not much today just a bit of watery brown discharge and some brown clots. Has anyone had similar thing happen and gone on to have a healty LO or should I just accept this is MC.

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Glimmer · 19/04/2007 18:53

Hi Elrose, I had spotting and bleeding (red, brown, you name it) from week 2 (when I got my BFT) to week 7. Everything was fine at a scan at week 8 (saw HB). Am waiting for my 12 week scan, so don't know what will happen in the long term. There is a good chance that everything will be fine. I hope the very best for you!

Greensleeves · 19/04/2007 18:57

I had spotting and a few clots with both of my pregnancies and went on to have healthy children. I really, really hope it goes that way for you. I know it's silly to say, but try to keep calm and not worry too much.

Original poster

elerose · 19/04/2007 19:37

Thank you so much Greensleeves and Glimmer I'm trying not to get my hopes up but it's difficult as I really want this one to make it and I don't know if I can cope with another mc. I will let you know which way it goes and Glimmer I hope all is ok at 12 week scan.

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Original poster

elerose · 21/04/2007 09:21

Hello again, I'm still spotting and getting really stressed now I just wish I knew one way or the other. I keep telling myself to be calm as I can't do anything and what will happen will happen but it's easier said than done. The doctor did say he would be looking to send me for a scan at 8 weeks if the test came back positive(I'm begining to think he didn't believe I had had a positive test)but thats 2 weeks time and I don't know if I can wait that long without having a complete breakdown.

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Chocolateface · 21/04/2007 09:31

I know just how you feel. It's soooo horrid waiting for a scan. I had lots of bleeding and clots with my dd, and went on to have a perfect baby.

uptomyeyes · 21/04/2007 09:43

I do know how you feel elerose. I had a few miscarriages before having DS1 and DS2 but when I was pregnant with DS3 I had terrible bleeding and cramping - worse than when I had miscarried. I presumed I had miscarried and went to the EPU to have it confirmed but there was still a heartbeat and DS3 came along 6 months later fighting fit.

If you carry on bleeding and passing clots you could always present at A and E. (A Dr friend of mine told me to do this when my GP receptionist was acting like the Berlin wall to prevent me getting an emergency appt with GP even though I was in terrible pain)A and E could then refer you to the EPU.

Good luck

Original poster

elerose · 21/04/2007 09:54

Thankyou both, I love hearing about your happy endings. I will keep an eye on the spotting and take your advice if it gets any heavier or painful. I just keep thinking if I knew the baby was lost I could deal with it but I'm so scared of going to the loo it's driving me mad. Sorry to go on but I have not told anyone in RL whats happening but I still really want to talk about it and lovely though DH is he is a very logical person and just keeps saying theres no point in worrying it won't make any difference. I know he's right but it dosn't realy help IYKWIM.

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Glimmer · 23/04/2007 19:06

Hi Elrose, just wondering how you are faring.
I opted for a private scan at week six (just couldn't take the wait) and saw a HB then. It's expesive, but was completely worth it to me.
Keep posting while you wait. This anxiety is something nobody can understand (including DH) unless they have experienced it themselves. I know exactly what you are going through!

Original poster

elerose · 23/04/2007 23:11

Thanks Glimmer, I'm still spotting today had the result from the doctors and he said the pregnancy test was positive (I did tell him that)don't know why he did it really and no idea what to do now. I actually feel quite positive today but that scares me as well because I don't want to build my hopes up. I think I'll ring again tomorrow and see if he will refer me to EPU for a scan the end of this week I'll be 7 weeks on Friday and they should see something then should't they. I'll just keep everything crossed that there is somthing to see.

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Original poster

elerose · 28/04/2007 11:19

Hello I spoke to the midwife yesterday and she has booked me in for a scan next thursday I should be nearly 8 weeks then however I did another pg test last night and if I'm honest the line was very faint. I know this means dropping hormone levels so I think the best I can hope for now is that I've had a straightforwrd MC and it's all over.
I haven't told DH yet because I feel such a failure why can't my stupid body just carry a baby.

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berolina · 28/04/2007 11:23

I'm sory, elerose, if it is what you fear.

Please do not feel like a failure. Conception and early pregnancy are very complex processes during which anything can go wrong and frequently does - mc is very common. I have had 3 myself, but also have a lovely nearly 2-year-old ds and am 20 weeks pg with dc2.

Original poster

elerose · 03/05/2007 10:15

Well finally had my appointment with EPU today and they confirmed I've had another complete M/C I thought I was ok as I knew it already really but I now feel like I've been hit with a brick. I feel so alone they just tell you and thats it no tests to see why no follow up appointments because this was "Only the second MC". I was ok with the one of those things explanations for my first one but now I can't help but think there is something else. Has anyone gone private for further investigations after mc? or should I just accept it.

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nh101 · 03/05/2007 16:06

So so sorry to hear your news. I MC'd six weeks ago and am TTC again. I can only begin to wonder how devastated you must be. You obviously get PG easily so try to take as much comfort from that as you can (although I got PG quickly too and that is no comfort to me right now either)

How old are you? Have you got a good DH/family to support you?

Original poster

elerose · 03/05/2007 16:55

Hello NH101 I'm 33 I haven't told any of my family or friends about this one apart from dh of course and to be honest I've found his reaction quite strange this time. He didn't come with me to my appointment and he basically said this morning after I told him what had happened that I hadn't looked well since the last MC and I wasn't eating properly and if I had a healthy diet this would probably help. Which I took as him saying it was my fault (probably overreacted) he also said he didn't think I should tell anyone in work about it. It's like he wants to ignore it happened but I can't it's my flippin body thats messing everything up and me that has to deal with the hormones.
Sorry to rant but I don't know what to do just feel so sad and scared I will never have another baby (dd is 7).

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Original poster

elerose · 03/05/2007 17:01

meant to say after the last mc dh was brilliant.

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nh101 · 04/05/2007 12:19

Perhaps your DH's reaction is just a defence mechanism as he know how upset you are going to be. How are you feeling today? Obviuously your hormones are all over the place so don't feel guilty about feeling crap. 33 is not old but you already know that so don't worry about that and it is great that you have your other child although again it is little comfort. Take some time to recover and try to focus on the future because there are good things waiting for you there.

nh101 · 04/05/2007 12:20

Plus, I would tell my family and friends as they have all been brilliant with this MC and if it happened to me again I would want the people who really love me to know as they would want to help.

Mumpbump · 04/05/2007 12:24

Elerose - so sorry to hear about your m/c. I had two in a row and the second was by far harder to deal with emotionally. Dh found it very hard to talk about either of my m/c as he was so upset by them and have been incredibly nervous during my current pg, at least as nervous as me, if not more. I think men cope with this sort of loss very differently.

Maybe not the best time to say this, but I am currently 18 weeks pg and all looking good, so just because you have been so unlucky as to have two m/c doesn't mean that your next pg won't be okay.

Original poster

elerose · 04/05/2007 13:23

Thank you both and sorry for your losses. I think dh realised how much he upset me yesterday as he keeps telling me he loves me today (which is not like him at all). I have gone to work today and told my friends because I decided I needed their support, he can cope in his way but I need to tell people. I am feeling really angry today at the way the nhs deal with mc but have also decided to have further investigations even if I have to fund them myself. I know it might be pointless and a waste of money but I feel I need to take some kind of control over this and it's the only thing I can think of doing.
Mumpbump can I ask how long you left ttc after your 2nd MC because much as I want a baby I don't know if I'll ever have the nerve to try again.

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