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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My Husband Passed Away Suddenly

66 replies

slinkysaluki · 05/10/2017 07:25

Lost my husband last Saturday very suddenly, we had been together 26 years. He was only 51. We have two boys 15and 19.

Everyone is shocked it happened out of the blue. I'm feeling unusually calm the last few days not sure if it's normal, I'm on autopilot I think trying to arrange the funeral and all the financial matters he dealt with.

My boys are being so brave about it. It's all like a dream then when I wake reality hits.

Would appreciate hearing other people's experiences

OP posts:

Report

Icouldbeknitting · 31/10/2017 08:39

I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope that the intervening weeks have been kind to you.

slinkysaluki · 31/10/2017 22:35

Thank you for all your kind messages.

The funeral was 20th October. Can't believe it's s month since he passed away

I went back to work today, everyone has been kind but it still doesn't seem real. Finding it hard to accept someone can be here and then gone. Contact from people has decreased, it's almost like now we've had the funeral he is gone and everything is supposed to go back to the usual routine like nothings happened.

Feeling list and empty. I went out last Saturday, I was persuaded it would do me good but i drank far too much and had a meltdown when I got into bed and he wasn't there. I've learnt my lesson, alcohol doesn't help it makes it worse. Also wasn't ready to go out really.

I guess we have to carry on but it's so hard 😕

OP posts:

echt · 01/11/2017 08:28

The silence is deafening, isn't it? A month is such a short time, too. I wish I could say it gets easier, but it hasn't for me. My life is (far) too busy, and I feel I've been running on empty for months.

I found my DD (early20s) has been someone to talk with, but it always has to be when she wants to, and as the grown-up, I feel it's imperative to follow her lead. This means that when I feel the need, I have no-one to speak to. You may find this with your sons, too.

I hope you find someone you can ( and want to) talk to.

ElizaDontlittle · 01/11/2017 08:37

I think it's really common for this time to be almost the worst bit. Your friends may not know what to do but they might be willing to do all sorts of things to support you - it turns out going out was the wrong thing at the moment, but would someone popping in for the evening just to sit and watch television or go swimming or whatever your thing is, make you feel slightly less alone?
I'm sure you are still busy chauffering the children to activities/friends/etc but try and pull people close around you. They might not instinctively do it for you.

I'm so sorry this is happening. CRUSE are brilliant for counselling as soon or as late as you need it. You might find the NHS waiting list less flexible. They would see your children too if they are wanting/needing to talk to someone external.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/11/2017 15:41

HI Slinky,

Just wondered how you're getting on today? Grief is a bitch and can sneak up on you when you least expect it. And yes, time helps, but I still have a little cry when I think about my friend who died a couple of years ago. Be kind to yourself. Have you considered any bereavement counselling?

slinkysaluki · 02/11/2017 18:02

Hi Green - not too bad today until I had a call from funeral parlour to say they had his ashes back. I didn't think it would bother me too much but it really upset me. To think he was here in the flesh a shirt while ago and now he is just ashes and doesn't exist is hard to think about 😪 I may ask for some counselling at doctors. My son has access to counselling at school. I have two sons but my older one doesn't like to talk about things and is very closed with his feelings GS. My younger son 15, has been very good, will hug and console and I'm the same with him. I try not to burden him but it's hard.

Thank you to everyone who has posted x

OP posts:

ElizaDontlittle · 04/11/2017 07:00

Definitely ask your GP but if the waits are really long in your area this is the website for CRUSE, the bereavement charity: //www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
You're doing so well - how has work felt this week?

slinkysaluki · 05/11/2017 21:09

Eliza thank you for the link. Going to work had helped a bit I think, at least I'm not thinking about it for a few hours 😞 laying alone in bed in the dark so aware of the empty space next to me. Feeling sad tonight.

OP posts:

ElizaDontlittle · 06/11/2017 07:01

Oh I'm so sorry. Nothing makes it better so I'm not going to be glib and try, but I just wanted you to know you are heard. (((hugs))) too.

slinkysaluki · 06/11/2017 19:09

Thank you it's much appreciated 💕

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/11/2017 19:18

I lost my Dad very suddenly, when I was aged 13. Would it help you to talk about how he went? My Dad had a stoke, and pretty much died instantly. Which, in hindsight, was a blessing as he would have just been on life-support otherwise. But it's easier to look back now and consider that a blessing. My heart goes out to you and your boys.

Vitalogy · 06/11/2017 19:51

Sorry for your loss.

Here's a link re part time work and sick pay. Sorry if you already know about this.

www.gov.uk/part-time-worker-rights

slinkysaluki · 20/11/2017 21:24

It's 6 weeks since he passed, it's unbelievable to think how much your lives can change overnight. Still think he is coming home trying to carry on but we miss him so much. His ashes are still at the funeral home I can't face collecting them right now. Life feel pretty pointless apart from my boys. Thank you to everyone who has posted their experiences and support x

OP posts:

Ijustlovefood · 20/11/2017 21:33

OP just wanted to give you

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 20/11/2017 21:48

Slinky when my stepmum passed away. My dad said often, and I thought it too, I just can't believe I'm never going to see her or speak to her again.

I'd be in my dads and the chair she sat on I'd look at and vision her sitting there or coming up the oath and watching her through the window on a Saturday with a bag with wine and treats and just couldn't believe I'd never see it again. My dad used to talk about her alot and talk about their memories of things they had done, when they first met. And it was comforting for me and him. So do talk lots to your sons.

I'm not sure if I believe in a spiritual existence after life. But I use to talk to her in my head all the time in the beginning. And my dreams and my dad said his dreams were so vivid it felt like they were real.

Do you think you'd find it a comfort doing something with the ashes? Like a piece of jewellery from ashes to glasses. Or a tree www.urnsforashes.co.uk/urns/biodegradable-urns/land-burial/bio-urn-tree

We took ashes over to the holiday place they'd visited for 13 years that she loved and the hotel did a tree. We have been numerous times since and find it comforting.

How are your boys doing?

PugwallsSummer · 20/11/2017 22:05

How terribly terribly shocking. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Maverick66 · 20/11/2017 22:13

Darnley · 24/11/2017 23:42

Hi don't want to hijack your thread, but my husband passed away 2 nights ago, total shock.
Shit fuck and bollocks...

Amber0685 · 24/11/2017 23:54

Oh Darnley so sorry to hear that life is shot at times. How old was your husband? Any DC?

Darnley · 25/11/2017 00:36

He was only 67, I'm 57. We each have an adult child from previous relationships. I am numb. Keep expecting him him walk through the door. Thank god for really supportive friends and family.

Amber0685 · 25/11/2017 09:09

So young. That is good you have family and friends around. I am so sorry for your loss. How are your DC? You are in my thoughts.

Namethecat · 25/11/2017 09:24

I'm sorry to hear about your husband and the total shock and numbness you must be going through. It is still very early days and your emotions are still trying to process it all. I just want to say allow all those emotions even the feelings of abandonment and anger that he has gone as many people feel those are not normal or selfish. They are not , it is perfectly normal to feel this. Hugs to you .

slinkysaluki · 26/11/2017 16:22

Darnley so sorry for your loss 😞 please keep coming on here, it does help x
I've come to dislike the weekends, my husband worked away most of the week and came home weekends. He shouldn't be here with us we miss him. Had s sort out yesterday of some of his clothes clothes, gave some o friend who collects for homeless people. Kept a few bits. His ashes are still at funeral parlour I can't face it yet.
My youngest son was in Austria yesterday for his sport, usually his dad would be with him so he missed him not being there.
Dragging myself through days really, doesn't seem much point in anything, feels like we are just covering up feelings with routine 😶

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slinkysaluki · 26/11/2017 16:26

Sorry lots of typos

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Pancakeflipper · 30/11/2017 23:14

Just read your posts Slinky. Life can be so utterly shit.
Thoughts and hugs to you and hope your boys are coping getting through the days.

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