My Husband Passed Away Suddenly

[slinkysaluki]

Lost my husband last Saturday very suddenly, we had been together 26 years. He was only 51. We have two boys 15and 19.

Everyone is shocked it happened out of the blue. I'm feeling unusually calm the last few days not sure if it's normal, I'm on autopilot I think trying to arrange the funeral and all the financial matters he dealt with.

My boys are being so brave about it. It's all like a dream then when I wake reality hits.

Would appreciate hearing other people's experiences

[echt]

Hi slinky, I know what you mean about ageing. I look in the mirror and see an unsmiling, grim face, somewhat removed from my characteristic resting bitch face IYSWIM. And the motivation - so hard.



So sorry for your loss, 123sinbad

[123sinbad]

Hi I'm really sorry to hear about you're loss it's so sad maybe we can talk because I lost my husband 5 weeks tomorrow and it was a sudden deaf we were together 30 years and he was only 47 and I have a 21 year old daughter and a 16 year old son ..so I can feel what you are feeling xx

[slinkysaluki]

It's nearly 9 months now since my husband passed away.

Fathers Day was hard, we went out for a meal with my parents so we weren't stuck indoors.

Still doesn't seem real. My youngest son has managed to get through his GCSEs And my oldest through his degree at university now we will have to wait for the results. We are plodding on as we must.

I have aged overnight and put a lot of weight on through emotional eating, I really need to sort myself out but I have no motivation at all.

Thank you for all the kind messages and love to those going through this x

[Ss770640]

My points are simple. My condolences.

Your husband would not want you to grieve for too long. He loved you enough to marry you and he’d want you to find happyness after death did you part.

Cherish the memories. Explain what happened and find what makes you happy.

[slinkysaluki]

It's been nearly 7 months now since my husband passed away. The time has gone so quickly finally faced up to collecting his ashes and I am considering a small plot to bury them so we have somewhere to visit on birthdays etc.

My youngest son now 16 has had lots of problems but seems to be coming out the other side now gradually with counselling. It's a rollercoaster emotionally, good days and bad. Still have to remind myself he is not here sometimes. Having some work done on the house has occupied my thoughts and given
Me something to focus on which has helped.

Friends and family have drifted into the ether and find myself alone much of the time apart from
My parents and boys. My good friend who has been there for me has taken up with one of my husbands good friends which has affected our friendship I think. Husbands friend doesn't bother with us now which I am disappointed about. I wish people wouldn't say things they don't mean.

Love and thoughts to people going through grief and loss x

[endofthelinefinally]

The school are behaving very badly.
I have a friend in your situation and her son's school have been brilliant.
They provided counselling and support immediately, extra tuition if he wants it, days off if he doesn't feel up to coming in.
It sounds as if your school doesn't do pastoral care.

[bigbluebus]

believed should read bereaved obviously!

[bigbluebus]

Would this on-line site be any use to your DS Slinky. It is part of Winstons Wish - a charity which helps believed children and their families but this section seems to be aimed at Young People:

help2makesense.org/

[slinkysaluki]

Thank you for all the kind messages 😘

Endoftheline thank you for your message, sorry for your loss. My mum collected my husbands ashes and paid for a nice casket with an engraved plate on it. They are at her house at the moment. I think we will do what you have done and keep them at home with us until we decide what to do.

It's just over 4 months now since he passed. I've been battling with my son's school, they've been very unhelpful and unsupportive. He has GCSE's coming up and I've been told he is not entitled to "special consideration" points towards his exams so i am researching and involved the LEA .I'm having to fight to get help for him. He has been told he has to wait until Easter for counselling through the school. Im going to try CRUSE next. Why is everything so difficult 😑

[endofthelinefinally]

Slinky
I still have my son's ashes at home.
I am not ready to decide what to do with them and that is ok.
My dh and our other dc will decide together when the time is right.
There is no hurry.
So sorry for your loss.

[crunched]

slinky hope you and your boys managed a few smiles during your time with the extended family in Brighton.
My Mother was widowed at 54 (my Dad was 10 years older than her). I was 18. Bereavement is tough. I felt like no one could understand my inner turmoil and I had to present a picture of normality to the world.
It's great your brother is being supportive. Sending you and your DS's

[OnlyJoking1]

Sorry for your loss, I'm a few years on now, my DH had a brain tumour which was terminal, I always knew he was going to die, he was too confused most of the time so had forgotten.
Although his wasn't a sudden death, I knew he would die it was a huge shock when he did, two days after our twin daughters 14th birthday. Our son was 11, they all have autism so was hard for them to understand everything.
The early days are beyond difficult, after the funeral, people carried on as usual, I want to shout to the world, how can you just carry on as if everything is the same, when it never will for our family.
I was 43 when he died and joined Widowedandyoung.
They were a lovely supportive group where everyone just understood the range of feelings.
I spent years on my side of the bed, expecting he would come back.
I used to make him a cuppa every morning for a few weeks after he died.
Getting some support for yourself is crucial, winston wish is good for advice and support for the children.

[slinkysaluki]

Salus not Daly's

[slinkysaluki]

Thank you for everybodys kind thoughts and experiences 💐 to you all.

It's been nearly 3 months since my husband passed away. It's like he has gone away somewhere and is still going to come home it's been hard of course we miss him. My youngest son has been having problems, refusing to go to school so now we have a support worker through Porch light and Daly's who seems very nice. We have only met once but she has made suggestions and put things in place at my son's school. I've been informed by the school it's possible I may be fined for his non attendance. I will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Not looking forward to Christmas, although my brother has rented a house in Brighton so we can all spend it together and not at home. There's around 12 of us going.

My husbands ashes are still at the funeral parlour 😢 still can't face collecting them yet. I'm thinking about buying a small plot at the local cemetery for his ashes as my son's said they would like to be able to visit him on birthdays etc.

Thinking of everyone who has lost a loved one, wishing you peace and love at Christmas x

[Dowser]

Slinky and Darnley. My heart goes out to you for your recent loss and to the other mnetters on the thread.
Since my dh stroke nearly two years ago and finding out it’s a heart problem I worry constantly.
I used to be a cruse counsellor.
It does help to talk in a way you can’t talk with family and friends.

Please use the service and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you’ve lost your loved one.
I know one of us will have to continue the journey on their own but so bloody unfair when you are still young no with lots of life and plans for the future.
Cry as much as you need to. Tears are the healing of the hurt that’s already happened.

Hoping you have a peaceful Christmas

[echt]

to slinky and Darnley. Life can be so cack.

[Pancakeflipper]

Just read your posts Slinky. Life can be so utterly shit.
Thoughts and hugs to you and hope your boys are coping getting through the days.

[slinkysaluki]

Sorry lots of typos

[slinkysaluki]

Darnley so sorry for your loss 😞 please keep coming on here, it does help x
I've come to dislike the weekends, my husband worked away most of the week and came home weekends. He shouldn't be here with us we miss him. Had s sort out yesterday of some of his clothes clothes, gave some o friend who collects for homeless people. Kept a few bits. His ashes are still at funeral parlour I can't face it yet.
My youngest son was in Austria yesterday for his sport, usually his dad would be with him so he missed him not being there.
Dragging myself through days really, doesn't seem much point in anything, feels like we are just covering up feelings with routine 😶

[Namethecat]

I'm sorry to hear about your husband and the total shock and numbness you must be going through. It is still very early days and your emotions are still trying to process it all. I just want to say allow all those emotions even the feelings of abandonment and anger that he has gone as many people feel those are not normal or selfish. They are not , it is perfectly normal to feel this. Hugs to you .

[Amber0685]

So young. That is good you have family and friends around. I am so sorry for your loss. How are your DC? You are in my thoughts.

[Darnley]

He was only 67, I'm 57. We each have an adult child from previous relationships. I am numb. Keep expecting him him walk through the door. Thank god for really supportive friends and family.

[Amber0685]

Oh Darnley so sorry to hear that life is shot at times. How old was your husband? Any DC?

[Darnley]

Hi don't want to hijack your thread, but my husband passed away 2 nights ago, total shock.
Shit fuck and bollocks...

[Maverick66]