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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

I miss my son so much

35 replies

endofthelinefinally · 17/02/2017 15:09

Nearly 6 months have passed.
The inquest is coming up and I am dreading it.
I thought I was feeling/coping better but as the inquest approaches I am increasingly tearful and just finding everything so hard.

Don't know what I hope to gain from this thread really, but I got so much kindness and support from MNers when DS died, I just need a hand hold to get through this ordeal.

I know it is going to be pretty horrific.

OP posts:

user1484226561 · 17/02/2017 15:10

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

KoalaDownUnder · 17/02/2017 15:11

Oh, I'm so very sorry. My heart ached for you just reading that.

wishparry · 17/02/2017 15:13

I am so sorry.

Chasingsquirrels · 17/02/2017 15:17

@endofthelinefinally of course you miss him, and an event such as the inquest is bound to bring the feelings to the forefront of your mind.
Do you have people around you for RL support?
Posting on MN about my situation is helping me just to clear my mind of thoughts. If that's what you need then people are here to listen.

DramaAlpaca · 17/02/2017 15:19

I'm so sorry, endof

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 17/02/2017 15:24

I've been there so I know there's no words I can type to make this easier, but we are all here for you.

BirdsongTweets · 17/02/2017 15:25

I am so sorry.

Xmasfairy86 · 17/02/2017 15:27

Would it help if you told us about him endof?

Lilybensmum1 · 17/02/2017 15:35

endof I am so sorry I remember your previous post, I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling or give you any words of wisdom, as others have said if you feel able, maybe just put your thoughts down on here we will listen.

Groovee · 17/02/2017 15:52

Hugs x

Original poster

endofthelinefinally · 17/02/2017 16:02

We only got the coroner's report a couple of weeks ago.
Only then did I realise that my son's final hours were not peaceful as I had hoped.
I won't go into detail as it is too distressing and it will all have to be gone into at the inquest.
I now know that there were opportunities to get help that were not taken.
I am so full of rage and grief that I can barely speak.
He was only a few minutes away from us. But we didn't know.
I don't know how to live with this.

OP posts:

bigbluebus · 17/02/2017 17:52

So sorry that you have to go through all this endoftheline. My DD died unexpectedly 2 months ago at the age of 22. Thankfully she had been in hospital just long enough to avoid her death having to be referred to the Coroner. I cannot begin to understand what you must be going through with this new information coming to light after so many months. I hope you have some supportive family and friends in RL to get you through this next stage.

parklives · 17/02/2017 17:54

I am so sorry you are going through this endof

Willow2016 · 17/02/2017 18:15

Oh endof what a shock for you I am so sorry. Of course you are angry it's only natural, its all still very raw and this just adds to the grief. Your poor son.

I can't imagine how horrific this is to get through but you and your family found the strength in each other before you will do it again.

Sending hugs and some

MojitoMollie · 17/02/2017 18:17

So sorry x

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/02/2017 18:55

My thoughts are with you. .

flapjackfairy · 17/02/2017 19:00

Another one sending you all my love.
So sorry for the loss of your precious lad xxx

Original poster

endofthelinefinally · 17/02/2017 23:37

Thank you all.
Have been out this evening. DD has been home for a couple of days. After this I won't see her for nearly 8 weeks.
DS2 is in Australia.
I have to put on a brave face for them. They don't know about the report or the inquest. I won't be telling them. They are already suffering enough.
It is so, so hard.

OP posts:

Willow2016 · 17/02/2017 23:54

Endof
It must be hard with your dd and ds2 away from you when all you want to do is keep them close I know I would.

Is ds2 enjoying his trip (I dont know how to word it any other way but dont want to diminish what he has gone through)? I remember how hard it must have been to let him go even though it was best for him at the time.

Can you discuss the inquest with any other family or are you keeping it between you and dh?

Just keep posting to vent whenever you need to, lifes a total B sometimes, just when you think you are finally keeping your head above water along comes another huge wave. If you cant talk/rant and rail to anyone else at home let rip on here we can take it.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 17/02/2017 23:58

Sending you all the love in the world. I'm so sorry.

DoctorBeat · 18/02/2017 00:06

My brother passed away in September. His inquest is coming up too. For a moment i thought it might have been my mum posting! I know what you are going through. Hugs for you.

clary · 18/02/2017 00:12

Endof I am so sorry to read your story.

Please believe that you are not to blame. I don't know the details of course but I am sure you would have done anything you could have done. If you didn't know then there is nothing you could have done. How frustrating and how angry and upset you must feel.

That is all normal and understandable. We are all here for you and will listen to anything you want to say. from me too.

Original poster

endofthelinefinally · 18/02/2017 02:39

I am not discussing it with anyone else.
We don't want anyone else to attend the inquest.
There is no need to distress any of the rest of the family - it is bad enough without adding to it.

I am so tired but I have gone back to only being able to sleep for a couple of hours and then being awake for the rest of the night. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 2.30 am. I am back in the nightmare.

OP posts:

Original poster

endofthelinefinally · 18/02/2017 02:42

DS2 does seem to be feeling better and more positive about life.
I don't know what he will decide about his long term plans though.
I think he will find it hard to come home tbh.

OP posts:

Rainbowqueeen · 18/02/2017 03:54

I remember your posts when he passed away. I am so sorry to hear about the inquest.

Sending you strength. Please post here as often as you like and know that we are all thinking of you and sending you our best

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