James, my boy.

[darumafan]

I wrote about James when he died. My username was mumof2teenboys then. It's his birthday today, he would have been 27 years old. It has been 4 years since he died, he committed suicide after a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I've been sitting here since 4am this morning crying, proper tears and nose running crying.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting but it hurts, my beautiful boy isn't here. He is never going to walk through the door again. He is never going to tell me what is going on his world. He is dead and gone, he made a decision and we have to live with it but it was the wrong decision. We love him and miss him, we need him.
He taught me everything I know about love, he taught me how to be an adult. We grew up together, we learned from each other. He gave me a purpose and a reason to be a better person. He gave me so much, he humbled me with his beauty and his intelligence.
He was funny and loving, he was clever and strong. He was angry and scared, he was hurtful and sad. He was my heart and my everything.
Why does it hurt so much this birthday? When do the tears stop falling so frequently? Do they ever stop falling?

[MarciaBlaine]

Big hugs. I think you can never get over, but you will get used to living with the pain. My thoughts are with you xxx

[CloudPerson]

I'm so sorry
That's such an inadequate thing to say, but I am thinking of you and your son x

[freelancegirl]

I remember you and your two boys from before James passing away and then was devastated for you when I saw your message saying he had died. Over the last four years have often wondered how you were. Not sure if this helps but just to say a lot of us here who never knew you in real life remember you and James xx

[darumafan]

It's nearly Christmas, another one without him. Yet another Christmas meal with an empty chair, one less pile of presents to open, one less person laughing at the same old rubbish on the T.V. He loved my mince pies and my Christmas cake, he loved smoked salmon and scrambled eggs with bucks fizz for breakfast.

He loved going out with his brother and friends on Boxing Day evening, he called it ' The Boxing Day bash' they would all drink too much rum and sing silly songs. They have carried this tradition on, they still do it in his memory.

I miss buying him silly socks and boxer shorts, I miss buying him new t-shirts and things that made him smile.

I miss my son, I miss everything about him. I would give anything to see his smile, to hear his voice, to hug him one more time.

[loobylou10]

I remember your lovely James . I'm so sorry x