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Original poster

Feel so sad

47 replies

Miriam2 · 11/06/2004 20:13

Wasn't intending to post but feel so sad tonight. My MIL is in the last few hours of life, dh is there by her bedside and I am here with the kids and halfway through a bottle of wine. Feel so sad for dh, his dad is already dead and he's had so much to cope with recently. She's been a brilliant MIL, great host and cook and totally non-judgmental re: childrearing- and I have to say cos my kids are the youngest grandchildren, they were always spoilt rotten. When we were 'courting' she made me feel so welcome, going to stay was like going to a hotel! When we got engaged, she said 'Welcome to the gang'

I will miss her so much.

OP posts:
Miaou · 11/06/2004 20:17

Miriam2, I really feel for you at the moment. It must be hard for you because you can't do anything to change the situation. Keep remembering the happy times.

colinsmommy · 11/06/2004 20:19

So sorry Miriam2. You are very lucky to have such a good MIL in your life. Will be thinking of you and your husband. Agree with Miaou. Remember the good.

maisystar · 11/06/2004 20:34

thinking of you xx

Janh · 11/06/2004 20:39

Miriam

At least she is leaving lots of good memories for you all and knows how loved she is.

tigermoth · 11/06/2004 20:47

Some people are just so kind and leave such a happy mark on your life. I have such good memories of old friends and relatives who have died, and my own mum (a non judgemental generous spirited woman who spoilt my son rotten too). The memories never go away, not that I ever want them to. I am sad for you, and hope your children are lovely to you this evening.

shrub · 11/06/2004 20:57

i lost my best friend 6 years ago and what kept me going was the thought that you can't destroy energy (which is what we're all made up of). the shell may die but the rest.....? i'm still trying to work that one out. also found the following-hope may help:
Do not stand at my grave and weep, i am not there, i do not sleep
i am in a thousand winds that blow
i am the softly falling snow
i am the gentle showers of rain
i am the fields of ripening grain
i am in the morning hush
i am in the graceful rush
of beautiful birds in circling flight
i am the starshine of the night
i am the flowers that bloom
i am in a quiet room
i am the birds that sing
i am in each gentle thing
do not stand at my grave at my grave and cry, i am not there, i did not die.
(Mary E Frye - native american sources).
she sounds like a wonderful person and so loved.

lars · 11/06/2004 21:10

Oh shrub I've just shed a tear as I lost my father back in March.

Miriam2 be strong for dh he will need you so much at the moment. I know the pain is hard to bear. Just remember you were lucky to know such a wonderful lady. My thoughts are with you at this sad time. larsxx

Original poster
Miriam2 · 11/06/2004 21:12

The children are being good as gold and so nice to each other- not even complaining that they can't use the computer! I wish dh was here but know he has to spend this night with his mum, and difficult as it is, I know he will be glad he did it.

OP posts:
lars · 11/06/2004 21:20

Miriam2, just to add your dh will remember this night for ever bad but also glad that his was with her. I would have given anything to be with my father at the end, but that wasn't to be.

Just to say children tend to cope much better than the adults at times like these in my experience. larsxx

Original poster
Miriam2 · 11/06/2004 21:29

Yes, ds made me laugh when he said 'Is dad coming home?' and when I said no, he said 'Can we have a takeaway?' (dh is the cook around here!)
They love their grandma but it is so normal and fantastic that they live in the present without all that baggage...

OP posts:
maisystar · 11/06/2004 21:36

how old are your children miriam2? they sound fantastic xx

Original poster
Miriam2 · 11/06/2004 21:40

They are 12 and 8. The youngest is rather oblivious I think but ds seems a bit fragile, he is close to dh and think he is worried about him

OP posts:
suedonim · 11/06/2004 23:08

Just to say I'm thinking of you too, Miriam. It's a very difficult time, I don't there is an easy way to go through this experience. I was with my dad when he died and I felt quite disoriented and strange, when it was all over, even though it had been expected. Your family sounds very supportive, I'm sure you'll weather the storm and blue skies will appear again one day. Take care.

Hulababy · 11/06/2004 23:12

Thinking of you miriam2, so sorry

ponygirl · 11/06/2004 23:20

Thinking of you, too Miriam and your family. xxx

jampot · 11/06/2004 23:42

thinking of you too xx

maisystar · 12/06/2004 00:00

hope your doing ok miriam2 xxx

bloss · 12/06/2004 05:24

Message withdrawn

Chinchilla · 12/06/2004 18:10

Thinking of you and your dh Miriam. I have never had a MIL as dh's mum died 2 years before I met him. I think our lives together would be much different if she was still here, and I know that he misses her every day, 17 years down the line.

lars · 12/06/2004 18:26

Miriam2, hope you are ok today.LARSXX

Original poster
Miriam2 · 12/06/2004 19:01

Thanks everyone, MIL made it thru the night and is still with us. Have this odd feeling in my stomach the whole time. Dh is knackered but managing to retain his sense of humour, thank goodness! The people at her nursing home sound so caring, brushing her hair, keeping her clean and fresh..it's what she would want, she was always so fastidious.

OP posts:
codswallop · 12/06/2004 19:04

this is really touching M

lars · 12/06/2004 19:16

Miriam2, My thoughts are with you. larsxx

motherinferior · 12/06/2004 19:19

xxxxxxxxxxx

bloss · 13/06/2004 02:14

Message withdrawn