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Bereavement

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My brother took his own life today.

76 replies

DoctorBeat · 23/09/2016 01:56

Just don't know what to do with myself. Heard this news about 10pm. Now at my parents trying to sleep. A few very close friends and family members know. Have decided to tell the rest tomorrow. Feel so numb. Can't believe this is actually happening.

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DoctorBeat · 24/09/2016 00:43

Small bee he was a very clever, funny guy. He was incredibly intelligent, almost too much so. He over thought everything. He went to a good grammar school as I did. He got mixed up in drugs in his teens, as most of us did in the 90s. He loved music. He was a talented guitar player and songwriter. He had a wonderful way with words, and his neologisms have stuck since childhood.

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DoctorBeat · 24/09/2016 00:51

And small bee thank you. I have rung around all my friends today and they have been amazing. I have been focussing on my family for now, but have said to my friends in the coming few days/weeks I would like to catch up with them all. One friend has been round today and drove me round here last night. I am not with dds dad anymore, but he has been very good as he knows my brother/parents very well. Dd has chosen to be with us here tonight, but he is going to take her to her clubs etc tomorrow and he is on call if she/us neds a distraction.

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Justaboy · 24/09/2016 17:33

He was incredibly intelligent, almost too much so

Yes my ex was like that, and quite a few patients I met in her hospital stays on visits seemed that type!.

DoctorBeat · 24/09/2016 20:11

Yes justaboy, he over thought everything

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WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 24/09/2016 20:20

I am so sorry.

jobrum · 24/09/2016 20:26

My dh attemped suicide around ten years ago. He tried to explain after that he was ill, the depression made him do it. I kept that comment on my thoughts as it is so easy to wonder what you could have done, how you could have helped, if only you did... mental health issues are awful. Flowers

DoctorBeat · 24/09/2016 23:37

Why is night time always the worst time? I am exhausted, but don't feel anywhere near sleep.

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DoctorBeat · 25/09/2016 00:03

X

My brother took his own life today.
My brother took his own life today.
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Bluepowder · 25/09/2016 00:14

💐 Try relaxing nature sounds on you tube - there's a lovely one of a running stream. Maybe it would help a little.

DoctorBeat · 25/09/2016 00:25

Thank you.

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KoalaDownUnder · 25/09/2016 01:51

Thinking of you. Hoping you got some sleep. Flowers

LetitiaCropleysCookbook · 25/09/2016 02:09
Flowers
e1y1 · 25/09/2016 02:15

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Kr1stina · 25/09/2016 02:26

Im so sorry for your loss.

We had a similar situation a few years ago and I had to tell my children about it . We got advice from a children charity because I knew the children woudl ask how she died and I didn't know what to say .

They said to explain that that the person was dead, which means that they will never see them again. That the person was feeling very sad and mixed up ,they wanted to stop feeling so bad so they put something round their neck and pulled it tight and stopped breathing . When you stop breathing you die.

We were also advised to emphasise to the children that when you feel sad, angry and mixed up, you need to TALK to someone . This is not the way to handle mixed up feelings .

You also need to be prepared that your DD might ask factual questions about what happens to the body, burial / cremation etc.shes not asking this to be morbid,it's quite normal .

You need to let the school know in case she's upset , asks questions or even tell the other children .

Hope she's coping ok, glad to hear her dad is supportive and you are managing to keep up her clubs etc

Charlie97 · 25/09/2016 06:14

I'm so sorry for your loss. My brother was an alcoholic, he changed from a bright intelligent man to a car crash wreck. Heartbreaking. In a way he committed suicide, literally drank himself to death , slow painful suicide . I read this at his funeral, I found it so fitting.

May your spirit soar in freedom
From the fears that gripped so tight.
May you find the peace you searched for
As you wandered, lost, in the night.

May your tortured mind be clear and calm
And your tender heart be warm.
May you have no need for strength now.
May there ne'er be another storm.

May the music of the angels
Be the sweet sounds that you hear.
As you're rocked in Heaven's cradle
May you ne'er shed another tear.

I'll wear your memory proudly,
My only brother...my true friend.
May my love for you reach Heaven above
Until we meet again.

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/a-wish-and-a-prayerr_

DoctorBeat · 25/09/2016 09:37

That poem is beautiful. I may read the at his service. Below is a poem I wrote about him a few years back. It was just after I found out that he was on heroin. It won 2nd prize in a poetry competition. It is not really appropriate for his funeral, but I'd like to share it here.

Lost Boy

How can I help you mend your broken mind?
The brain that tells a body to destroy itself
To fill its belly with strong cider
And its vessels with junk

What is your mind trying to escape?
Was the childhood we shared too normal?
Not normal enough?
Did our sibling squabbles scar you?

Around we watch, helpless
Deceived and deflated
Every £5 begged “for food”
Adds more poison
To the legal ration supplied daily

We mourn the bright mind
The uncle to my daughter
The son to our parents
The life that might have been
But your mind keeps on breaking
Your life keeps on breaking
And our hearts turn to stone

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Charlie97 · 25/09/2016 11:12

Drbeat, that's truly beautiful! You could've been writing about my brother too.

Life is incredibly cruel sometimes.

Keep strong, keep coming here for support,

Xx

DoctorBeat · 25/09/2016 23:23

Jeremy corbyn got elected. That's fab. But I don't care. The BMA have suspended strike action. Fucking shit. But I don't care. I lost my brother this week. I care about that.

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ParadiseCity · 27/09/2016 15:39

Sending you my love. I hope you and those around you are managing to function. Its so unfair and sad, I am sorry your brother didn't have a happier life but it is clear despite his anguish that he was - and is - very fiercely loved by you.

DoctorBeat · 27/09/2016 23:20

Just an update. We have been speaking to various funeral directors and at looks like nowhere will be able to do the funeral until the week after next! Which is frustrating. We have set a date for October 12th. We cleaned out his flat today and went to the hospital mortuary to identify the body.

It has become apparent that he had more friends than we realised. He saved up as his deepest anguish for us. Which is comforting in a way. He was loved more than he realised. Thank you everyone. Flowers

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shovetheholly · 28/09/2016 07:44

I am reading this with such sorrow and wanted to wish you well and say that my thoughts are with you. You are a wonderful sister, and a very talented writer. He was lucky to have you in his life. Please don't think that this was in any way your fault.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/09/2016 10:47

Oh, bless you, Doctor. You sound as if you were such a lovely family to him. Flowers I'm so sad for you all.

dirtyprettything · 16/10/2016 11:57

A bit late but just wanted to give you my heartfelt sympathy.
My own little brother died of suicide 6 months ago.

Babyroobs · 23/10/2016 16:38

I'm sorry to read about your brother. I have had 2 friends who have hung themselves in the past few years and it is such a shockingly sad thing to happen. For many months I tortured myself as to whether I could have done more to prevent it, it is so sad that they felt it was their only option.
I'm pleased you have a supportive family around, time does heal and you learn to cope although the sadness never goes away.

CambridgeReject · 29/11/2016 22:32

My condolences to you and your family Dr

My be hanged himself a month ago. It can't comprehend for 1 second why he went through with it. He left his 10 month old neice (my DD) behind and I find that most painful.

I hope you are doing ok. Please tell me it gets easier to deal withFlowers