My heart is broken and I need the comfort of strangers please

[Primadonnagirl]

Lost my wonderful Mum a few weeks ago and it's indescribable. Feel like everyone thinks I should have moved on and in some ways I have but just really feel it tonight. Can I have some kind words please perhaps from those of you who know what Im going though. Just feel like a little girl again and all I want it my Mum to wipe away my tears.Sorry not v interesting I know but I'm desperate

Thanks everyone..feel a bit calmer now. Going to make my way to bed as just exhausted. Thankyou for sharing your stories and virtual hugs to you all who sadly know hat I'm going through xx

I found things that are used to support children's grief comforting so I look for the brightest star each night and feel like I'm being watched over I talk to it too some days!
Everything is normal in grief as it's such a personal journey - do what feels right for you and know that might mean different things on different days

OP - thank you for starting this thread. I lost my DM just four weeks ago and I am frightened by how all over the place I am. It has been reassuring to read everyone's stories.
At the moment I feel like I am looking for some comfort somewhere and I can't find it. I feel a bit panicky to be honest. I can very much understand the desire to sleep for a long time, or at least until things start to feel better. Some days I wonder if it ever will feel better although today has been a good day. I've done stuff with the dcs and saw a friend. Yesterday was horrendous though and I felt so desperately sad all day.

My mum is my best friend so I really feel for you

Hope you sleep peacefully. Lots of handholding from all of us, and feel free to have a big virtual hug and sob into my snuggly dressing gown.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mum in March, very suddenly. Although it's still incredibly raw and I'll miss her forever, it is getting easier. Please be kind to yourself, grab all the help you can and do whatever you need to do to make it through the day. I think people that are expecting you to have got over it by now have certainly not been in your position and probably don't realise how incredibly cruel they're being.

Oh sweetie. Such a massive loss is going to hurt so badly. It's just about letting time pass and being your own best friend and looking after yourself. Your mum was obviously a very special lady and I'm sorry for your loss

I lost my Mum three months ago...it wasn't unexpected but it hit me like a total tonne of bricks..I'm very sorry for the loss and grief you are feeling..it's very very hard..I cry a lot..I panic a lot..I grieve every minute of every day...I thought people would understand but somehow they really don't which is hard...I hope you get some sleep tonight and tomorrow is a peaceful day for you

It's horrible, isn't it. I remember being surprised to find that the term 'heartache' was a name for a real thing - a real, physical heart ache.

The first year is the very worst - all those first time anniversaries. And the disbelief - feeling that if you ring their phone number, they'll answer it.

Many years after I lost my parents, I heard about this (link below) and I thought it was very true. It won't take the pain away now, but it might help in future.

community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/bereaved_spouse/f/576/t/108006

OP when my mum died I had that panicky grief feeling in my chest. I went to the docs and was given propanalol. I only took for about a month but they really did help X

OP when my mum died I had that panicky grief feeling in my chest. I went to the docs and was given propanalol. I only took for about a month but they really did help X

Hi prima, so sorry for the loss of your mum 💐 I was you 7 months ago & lost my beloved mum suddenly & unexpectedly, she was 66 & I'm 43 but I vividly remember sat in the ICU asking the nurses & doctors to bring "my mummy" back, I was numb for a good couple of months & couldn't function in my dazed, unreal little world & struggled to cope with any normality.....then 5 months later the numbness & disbelief wore off, so to speak & reality hit, hard, very, very hard but I recognised this & with the unconditional support of loved ones & starting counselling last month I'm doing ok, at work etc, the only way I can describe it is I'm grieving the loss of my mum alongside grieving the life I had before of being my mum's daughter & her being my mum, I suppose grieving that relationship as well as the physical person.....

Am here for a chat anytime & talking to strangers does help! xxxxx

Prima (and everyone else with a recent loss) - my heart goes out to you. It is such early days and your emotions are all over the place. even when the loss is expected, you can never prepare for it when it happens, and if the loss was unexpected, there is an enormous sense of disbelief and disconnect from the world.

My mum died12 years ago, and it was expected so not the huge shock that many of the posters here have had to deal with. But I still miss her and as I age there are always new questions that I will never have the answers to. She has missed almost a third of my life and I feel her absence regularly: losing her at 25 threw my life massively off course and I sometimes wonder about how life would have been like if she had lived.

In my mind, grief never ends but it does change. You find a way to live with it over time. The water metaphor is very real: some days all is calm, some days things are a bit rough, and sometimes the waves threaten to drown you. You just have to keep swimming, or treading water, or holding on to whatever keeps you afloat.

Hugs to all who need them xx

I am so so sory for your loss lovely. A few weeks is nothing and you will have days that are worse that others. She must have been a very special lady to have a daughter who cares so much. Sending love and strength and a very big hug xx

I hope today has not been to hard for you, OP.

I find littlw white feathers too! I have a shop and sometimes they blow in on the wind and I have a little conversation with my dear Dad.

Thank you so much everybody ... Sorry for delay in response. Busy day cos life still goes on doesn't it? Your replies were just what I needed ... Kind thoughts from people who know how hard it is and one day I will pass that on. I just hope Mum knew how much I loved her

averysilly Thankyou .. I took you up on your kind offer of a virtual sob on your dressing gown! It was exactly what I needed

I lost my mum 4 years ago yesterday. This has just reminded me that I forgot. I feel guilty. But we're on a lovely family holiday, and had such a good day yesterday. She'd have been pleased about that.
I'm sitting on a terrace, in the Spanish moonlight, with a glass of local plonk, and I shall toast her, and all our lovely mums. Cheers!

Cheers! I really hope that's my experience some point in the future x

Sometimes you just can't be OK. A few weeks is nothing. There are going to be days when you feel like this and that's to be expected and OK. Don't allow anyone to put pressure on you to "move on". I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing someone you love. I lost the most treasured person in the world to me a couple of years ago and I still break down over it every couple of weeks as it just overwhelms me and I miss him and life is not the same now, I'm not the same now, I struggle without him in my life and I hate the memories becoming more and more distant. Mostly I just miss him like mad and there's no one comparable in my life. I understand and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sure it will be; my mum had been ill for some time before I lost her, so a lot of my grieving had already happened. Sometimes I can't quite believe she's not here - how can that be? She's always been here. I also feel nobody quite understands. My friends still have at least one parent left. My DH has both, my teen DCs miss her, but not like I do.

And .. If I can confess this here .. I resent the fact that DH still has both parents alive who are older and frailer than Mum was. I don't wish them ill but all the same I feel an injustice .. And then I feel bad for thinking that

Please don't reply to this unless you have the mental energy, but I just want to send you

I lost my mum over eight years ago, and will never forget the pain. She was the most loving and reliable person in my life, and she was a truly amazing woman.

Since she died, I have had two children that she hasn't met. They know her in a way, because I am always telling them about her. I know she would have loved them, and they feel that she loves them.

My mum was an amazingly strong woman, who ran away from domestic violence and built a life and career for herself. I have also run away from an abusive marriage very recently, and I channel her strength every day.

There are no words that can help you get over a bereavement like this. All we can do is share what you are going through You will get through it and, as the years go on, the memories become precious instead of painful.

These days, I honestly don't feel I have lost my mum. She is still the loving, sane and sorted woman I always knew. I am a grown-up and I can cope without her. I still miss her every day, but I am secure in knowing that she loved me, and that she knew that I loved her. What more can we ask?

I hope you sleep well tonight. These things are hard, there's no help for grieving, it's a painful thing x

Oh, I absolutely feel the same about DH's parents, and he doesn't appreciate them. He's got no idea!
I'm so sorry you're going through this Prima, keep writing your thoughts down.