Sudden death of my DH

[echt]

Seven days ago my lovely, funny, devoted DH had a stroke and died two days later. I'm up my eyes in funeral arrangements as one might expect, and today is a sort of respite as more is in train.

I had always secretly thought that I would be alone in this country one day that he would go before me, but not so soon. He was only 61.

[bookbook]

Hope you are okay echt - .
Its often harder after such an emotional thing as a funeral -so take care and lean on people around you.
Keeping you in my thoughts

[Dumdedumdedum]

Dear echt, so glad it was a good funeral. Now that's over, it's the rest of your life. One step at a time and keep breathing. Look after yourself and your child/children (sorry, not sure if you just have the one daughter or others as well) and take whatever help is offered to you. It must be so wonderful to know that you and your DH have allowed someone else's life to be prolonged by the gift of his kidney. xxxxx

[funnyperson]

That's well done the funeral went ok . I am scared I will mess up the last rites for my loved ones when the time comes. It's good the kidney email came to you so you knew what had happened . Nice of him to be a donor. Thinking of you .

[echt]

Thanks, funnyperson. You're right about the rites, though I disobeyed DH's will, prepared long before coming to Au which stipulated burial. In Au you can only rent a grave. Not sure what they do when you default: dig you up and throw you over the fence? Had it been a permanent grave, I wouldn't have hesitated, but DH would have turned in his urn at the very thought of renting.
I'm off to collect DH's ashes tomorrow. The funeral home wanted to save me the hassle. At a price. I prefer the drive, to get me out of the house.
Looking at this I sound money-driven, but by God, they gouge you something rotten here, though I think it may be the same all over. It's business.

[JustABigBearAlan]

Still thinking of you here. It's hard when you can't follow someone's wishes. We couldn't for my dad. So we had to make the best choice available to us at the time. So did you.

I think organising the funeral keeps you busy initially. It can hit you quite hard once that's over, so take care of yourself.

And donating a kidney was an amazing thing to do.

[echt]

Thank you for your kind thoughts, JustABigBear.

Well, we collected DH's ashes and they're now in the room where he collapsed, the box wrapped furoshiki-style in a flag of St George. (Not that he was patriotic, more an ironic statement about Aussie-baiting at the cricket):o

I was surprised at how heavy the ashes were, though should not have been when I consider his grand frame. DD and I have been taking his massive funeral wreath to bits to make vases of native flowers around the house.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

echt - I am so sorry to read this. I hadn't spotted it until it was mentioned on the other thread, and this has made me immeasurably sad, because I don't know how I missed it. :(

Such a shock for you - I'm glad you and DD have friends around to help you get through the next period.

I have an Aussie friend here who lost her DH very suddenly, they think it was a heart attack on his way to work - he was 45. There is some kind of young widows facebook group that she is part of, if you'd like the details I can get them for you. You may not want them of course - everyone is different - but the offer is there.

for you - and probably and for later.

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

Still thinking of you here, Echt. What a lovely thing to do with the wreath!

[echt]

What lovely thought. Thumbwitch and I'd like those Facebook details, though at 60 I'm not considered young when I look at widows' groups online, though I feel it.

Today DH's work colleagues put on a lunch when DD and I went to take back personal things from his office. It was lovely, though sad to see the things he had pinned up on the walls: pics of DD and me; lots of the dog .

They were so tactful; the door closed while we rummaged and packed.
We could have nicked loads of post-it notes.:o

[OhTheRoses]

Only just read this. I recognise you as a poster. I am so very sorry. With love.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

echt - I have PMd you with the details of the FB group - hope it works ok for you

Lovely work colleagues - so kind, so thoughtful. Makes such a difference when people are like that.

[MyNightWithMaud]

Still thinking of you, Echt.

[echt]

Thanks, Maud

Yesterday and today I packed up DH's work shirts and suits to take to charity shops. None of them have sentimental value, though DH's casual flowery shirts are very special, have been offered to friends to have their pick.
DD and I reserved one for his funeral and two we want to keep for ourselves.

An odd aspect of household economy is that how our wardrobe is full to bursting, because there is no DH to wear his vast array of shirts, dump then in the laundry basket, have them washed and the waiting to be ironed.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

(((hugs))) echt - everyone does it differently but I'm very impressed you're getting rid of clothes now.
It took my Dad months to even start on Mum's stuff, and years later, he still has some of it.
Whereas I know other people who packed the job lot up the day after and took it to charity shops or wherever.

Are the flowery shirts like Hawaiian ones? DH has one of those (but he doesn't wear it any more, it was very much his party-in-his-20s shirt)

[echt]

His flowery shirts are all Boden linen ones of the period when they did such things, and did them well. They caused a stir on casual Fridays at his work. Funnily we'd gone online to Boden just a few weeks ago to see if any new ones had arrived. Very boring. Boden kept emailing us about why we hadn't bought anything lately. 1. Boring shirts. 2. I'd porked up a bit. Thinner now, though.

I'll keep the flowery shirts, his wedding suit, the suit he wore when I first met him and the last jacket he wore, which I know because I found a ticket in the pocket for an exhibition we went to to weekend before he died.

Oh, and all his T-shirts. DD and I tussle genteelly over who gets to wear these; his favourite things to change into after work.

[Callmegeoff]

Dh loves those flowery shirts, he's ripped one and I've put it to one side to make bunting from or patchwork I'll probably not get round to it just a thought though you could make a memory cushion from them.?

[MyNightWithMaud]

Yes, and there are companies in the UK (and I guess where you are, too) who would make a memory teddy out of them, if teddies appeal to you.

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

What a lovely thing to keep!
Linen is such a nice material.

[Archduke]

Oh Echt, I've just seen this, I am so very sorry to hear such awful news.

My sincere condolence to you and your dd. What a bloody horrible time for you all.

[echt]

We had DH's memorial on Saturday. It was really good, with lots of photos, speeches and music. I felt far more sad after than after the funeral and cried so much when I got home. Partly I think it's the busy-ness that keeps it at bay, but mostly hearing about the way he was loved and respected, couple withe pics and music, all of which I chose with DD made me sad the world exists and he isn't in it.

I should say I feel better today, even if it would have been our wedding anniversary.

[Chimchar]

I'm so very sorry to read about your lovely DH. Your love for him shines through your posts.
I just wanted to say that whatever you feel is 'normal'. It's good to laugh, and its ok to cry. Take things one day at a time, and be really kind to yourself. x