Abortion DD Today, i am not coping

[tommysmama]

I had an abortion last year in May when i found out I was pregnant by an ex (not my DS's father).

I have really not been coping with what i did since, i feel evil and i am having panic attacks and feel like i am losing control.

The baby was due today and this is making it worse.

My son is asleep in the other room and i feel like i cant go and see him knowing that i killed his half brother or sister.

I cant sleep and i am getting worried about being tired in the morning when my son gets up and this is making me have panic attacks again.. i dont know what to do.

I cant get over what i did, and the fact that i would be having a baby today if i hadn't.

Thanks guys. its nice to have support on here as none of my friends or family know about it. i've been trying to take my mind off it.

I dont like to talk about it - i feel so awful.

It is hard to think what might have been though..

keep posting hun, there's lots of mum's on here who've been through this and have got through it. That may give you some hope.
You'll get there babe. Thinking of you xxx

have you thought of starting another thread titled 'whose been through abortion?'

who's

tommysmama.

I've had one abortion and two children. Had PND after both children. (terribly I might add!)

Had abortion before I had both of my children (when I was 21.) became disinterested in life. Spent too much time on my own, had panic attacks etc. I now believe I was suffering from PND after the abortion (or a form of it.) Due to chemical changes etc. That coupled with the immense guilt I felt, led me to believe the only way out was to end my life. I never told a soul how I felt, and now I wish I had. It's awful waking up on a hospital bed knowing you've just had your stomach pumped. The hospital treated me like a total freak. Don't do it!!! Go to your Doctors. He will help you. Mine has been brilliant, and although I still suffer PND (my DD is 9 months old.) I am able to manage it much more.

I also started going to mother and toddler groups to help me get out the house and interact with other mums and with my baby ( i was rather disinterested in her.) and it's worked wonders.

Remember, with PND and anxiety attacks - there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. IT WILL NOT LAST FOREVER!!

tommysmama. If you want to talk - email me at [email protected] (I work from home so don't think my emails can be looked at by a boss or anything!)

If you'd like to speak to someone, just to hear a human voice on the subject. Leave me your telephone number and I'll call you.

xx

Thank you. I'll certainly give you a shout when i need to talk.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Really has helped me a lot.

Hiya TM - hope you're ok xXx