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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My husband took his own life a week ago today

35 replies

cocopops · 04/03/2016 08:56

Not much to say really. I think today is going to be difficult for me and my daughter. It came out of the blue but at least he left a note explaining.

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
squaretoes · 04/03/2016 09:11

I have no advice, but I couldn't leave you unanswered. Be kind to yourself, I can't imagine the pain. It's okay if you are still in the depths of it, it's okay to cry and feel angry or sad. I hope you have some RL support. Sending unmumsnetty hugs.x

Original poster
cocopops · 04/03/2016 10:30

Thank you Squaretoes.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 04/03/2016 10:36

How awful for you and your daughter. It must have been a terrible shock. Are you getting any help at all?

dietstartsmonday · 04/03/2016 10:38

Hi coco. I am 3 weeks down the line from my dad taking his own life. I have gone between upset angry and guilt all of which I am told is normal.
If you want to chat feel free to om me

Big hugs for you and your daughter

Edwardtherabbit · 04/03/2016 10:44

So very sorry Coco. Keep talking if it helps you. Do you have good support? X

chipmonkey · 04/03/2016 11:39

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry, how dreadful for you. Do you have friends and family around you?

Original poster
cocopops · 04/03/2016 16:09

I am getting lots of support- I have the most amazing group of friends who have rallied round me. My daughter is getting support at her school and we are looking into counselling for her (at her request),

I am taking it day by day but have had more tears today than normal. I think receiving so many sympathy cards and reading all the messages is so difficult. I haven't hit the angry stage yet but am sure it will come.

OP posts:
Edwardtherabbit · 04/03/2016 18:02

So glad you are being supported X

OliviaStabler · 04/03/2016 18:09

I am so very sorry Flowers Glad you are being supported.

TheClacksAreDown · 04/03/2016 18:10

I'm very sorry for your loss

APlaceOnTheCouch · 04/03/2016 18:17

cocopops I'm so sorry Flowers Be gentle with yourself. If the cards are upsetting then put them away. You don't need to read them now (or ever if you don't want to). Do whatever feels right for you.

HaroldandMadge · 04/03/2016 18:20

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
cocopops · 04/03/2016 20:29

Thanks everyone. Have just been out to pizza express with a friend to pass a couple of hours. That was nice. I have to get up tomorrow to take my daughter to a sports event- her dad normally took her so it will be bittersweet.

The funeral will take place at the end of next week- lots to do before then but just hope I don't lose it after that when life around me goes back to normal...

OP posts:
WLmum · 04/03/2016 20:34

So sorry coco and diet. It must be unimaginably hard. I'm so so sorry.

Fatrascals · 04/03/2016 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at request of author

DancingDinosaur · 05/03/2016 19:51

I'm so sorry about your dh. It is very hard. I lost my dh 7 months ago. Come and join WAY. (Widowed and young.) you have to pay to join but the support is worth every penny and more.

Southernlassie · 05/03/2016 19:53

Do you want to tell us about him? Or you daughter.

Please know you are strong, and supported.

Nullipara · 05/03/2016 19:57

SadThanksBrew

stumblymonkey · 05/03/2016 20:04

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. How are you feeling today?

Thanks
Strictly1 · 05/03/2016 20:05

I'm so sorry. As others have said be kind to yourself. My brother did this - it's a different type of grief in my experience. I questioned, questioned and questioned some more - swinging erratically from guilt to anger. That was seven years ago and I still think about the choice he made lots but I can also think about him too which I struggled to in the early days where the focus was his choice of exit of this world. Take care xxx

thefourgp · 05/03/2016 20:06

Sobs are a support group for people who have been bereaved by suicide. They have a national helpline you can call and speak to someone when you need to talk (a bit like the Samaritans). They also run local support groups you can attend when you feel up to it. Get someone at the citizens advice bureau to go through all your finances with you e.g. What are you entitled to, Did he have life insurance, Will his employer pay you his pension etc. You may want to get a memory box (big empty wooden box/chest) for your daughter so she can keep anything that reminds her of her dad e.g. His aftershave, special photos, favourite tie etc. Keep talking about him lots and remember there's no wrong thing to say or wrong way to feel. Your feelings will be all over the place for a long time to come especially the first e.g. First Christmas without him. Things will get better and you will start to find the small joys in life again. Xx

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2016 20:16

I'm so sorry for your loss. Winston's Wish were brilliant for advice for my nephew when my sister took her own life.

Original poster
cocopops · 06/03/2016 20:32

Thanks ladies. Sobs and Winstons Wish are 2 that I've been looking into. Winstons wish had a good item on its website which my DD had focused on- a memory box. That helped her tremendously in the first few days, putting that together.

I have had a busy weekend running DD here and there and seeing friends. I have one particular friend who has been a tower of strength and we popped up to see her- people absolutely astound you sometimes don't they?

There have been a few tears but it has mainly been positive, remembering dad. The funeral is at the end of this week and I am dreading that. I think it will be really busy and all I can think about is my best friends not being able to get a seat. Seeing the minister tomorrow to work out the order of service and then I have to register the death on Tuesday. The funeral directors dropped off the death certificate yesterday- haven't been able to open it yet as I'm afraid what it will say (which I know sounds crazy!).

OP posts:
AnthonyBlanche · 08/03/2016 18:52

Oh you poor thing coco. I lost someone to suicide a few years ago - it is incredibly tough. I'm so pleased your friends are rallying round. And I promise it does get better.

MamaTeeTee · 08/03/2016 21:22

So sorry you are going through this. My DH took his life 10 weeks ago tonight. It has been the most horrific time. He left behind me and our two Dc who are 4 and 5.
For me, the 2 weeks after the funeral was the worst. When everyone else goes back to normal and you are left in limbo thinking "what next?".
My advice to you is simple: take it an hour at a time. Even 10 weeks on, I can't think any length of time ahead. I'm trying to keep busy and have productive days but I do have days where I take the kids to school and come home and hide under the duvet all day.
You and your DD will get through this. I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel.