my dad died today

[DivaDroid]

Just that. He was working at Bacton gas plant (he & mum live in central Scotland) and just collapsed on Monday.
His colleague performed CPR for 35 minutes until the ambulance came.
His work flew mum down on Monday, I came on Tuesday (I live near aberdeen) and my brother came yesterday.
After he had a ct scan on Tuesday afternoon, it became apparent that he had suffered massive diffuse brain injury. This morning we took him off his ventilator, as he was never going to get better. In less than 10 minutes he was dead. He would have been 59 this year.
His kidneys, lungs & liver have all been donated. He is also donating corneas & skin.
He's been at Norfolk & Norwich university hospital CCU. the staff there have been amazing as have Dads work.
We are devastated.

Thank you if you got to the end - it's a long post.

for everyone who misses people. (I pressed post too quickly)
Just been told my Gran (dads mum) passed away today in hospital. She had quite bad dementia and had no idea about dad.
We may be thinking of having their funerals together.
I'm lost for words at how shit this week has been.

My poor grandad has lost his eldest son & wife, my uncles lost their big brother and mum, me & DB lost our dad and gran (she taught me lots of my cooking & baking skills), my cousins have lost an uncle & gran, my mum has lost her husband & MIL (who she got on very well with)

You poor thing. You must be stricken with grief at the moment.

Oh so much to bear! You will probably functioning on adrenaline for awhile. Please look after yourself. Try to eat and drink when you can. I hope you are with people who love you and loved your Dad. ((Hugs))

So sad for your loss - both your DF and now your Nan.

Please look after yourself and allow those around you to give you comfort, as you are comforting them. All part of the grieving, but it does bring people together, you sound like a lovely family!!

Both those people leave a wonderful legacy of things they did in their lives that you will remember and (((hugs)))

MummyBex I hope you are ok. That was a wonderful thing that you, and your mum, did regarding organ donation.

DivaDroid there really aren't any words. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have so many good wishes and good people around you.

What an awfully sad thing to happen. Hugs and for you. My dad died two years ago today, also in the year of his 59th birthday. Take good care of yourself, I'm so sorry for you and your family xx

Diva I am so, so sorry love.

So sorry for your Diva

Please feel free to chat about him or anything else on your mind.

Oh Diva I'm so sorry for you, and your family. I lost my beloved DF before Christmas and it's genuinely like a bad dream at first isn't it?
I promise it gets (very slightly) easier to breathe without crying or panicking but it's obviously still very hard.
Stick around here-I found great comfort from MNers at that time

Thank you all for your kinds thoughts & messages.
Gran & Dads funerals are one after the other tomorrow - our family felt it would be less traumatic that way.
I'm doing a reading at both, & Dads eulogy. I hate speaking in public but I feel so strongly about doing this
Please keep me & my family in your thoughts tomorrow.

Good luck Diva. I spoke at my dads funeral last year, I was dreading it but knew it would be the only chance I had to do so, and felt it was the least I could do for him. And the thought of doing it was actually much harder than the reality.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow, hope the day goes as well as it can for you.

So sorry about all this. I lost my husband when he was 50 although not in sudden conditions. Thank you so much for donating his organs. I'm so glad you agreed with his wishes. Wishing you strength for the months ahead. Don't be surprised about how all consuming grief is. It is 4 years on 19th March since I lost my husband and it still really hurts.

You're in my thoughts today Diva.
Stay strong and give them both a good send off. You can do this - really x

Thank you for all your kind messages & to all of you.
I managed ok yesterday, I did my readings & the eulogy.
Today has been hard, but I just received a massive bunch of flowers from my work which has cheered me up - they've chosen bright pink & orange - a welcome change from the White & cream you often see at these times.

Just using this thread to try and clear my head. I saw something today that I immediately thought my Dad would love - it hurt so badly that I can't share it with him.
Mostly I'm just screaming inside myself that 'I want my Daddy!' (I've not called him daddy for nearly 30 years, it's been Dad for a long time)
It's not fair, he's so young and wasn't even ill.

So sorry for your loss. Look after yourself and your loved ones.

I'm so sorry for your loss, your dad sounds such a lovely man. Be kind to yourself at this difficult time, you're in my thoughts

Oh love, that's the horrid part, it's literally like being punched in the chest when it hits you that you can't just pop in/ring them/buy them something you've seen at the shop you know they'd love.
I try and think of the last time that I did that particular thing, I try and remember what I said/he said, how happy (or often jokingly pissed off) I was, and it just helps a tiny bit.
I'm dog tired so that's probably as clear as mud!
Were you able to do your Eulogy? I was sending you positive thoughts today dude

It's really starting to hit me now. I went back to work on Sunday, and I've cried every drive home since. So many people have been so kind - my work did a collection & sent flowers, a gift card & a card, I'm overwhelmed with their generosity.
I just can't quite believe I'll never see Dad & Gran again
My poor husband is doing his best, but I'm just a mess atm.

My DCs are keeping me going, DS has just had his birthday & DDs is the end of next week.

It's shit Diva but it does get easier in time.
It's good you have your dc to keep you going, being kept busy is probably the best thing for you. Do you have any nice photos of your dad and gran you can put up? It's nice to be able to say hello to them in a weird way.

Just be kind to yourself and let yourself cry when you need to. I'm a year on from my mum dying and starting to feel more normal now, the time will pass for you before you know it.

Thanks Roseberry. I've printed some photos of Dad and Gran after your suggestion.
I think my body is screwed at the min - I'm waiting on a gallbladder removal & I've been struggling this week with it.
MN has been a lifeline for me these past few weeks. Thank you all

I'm just using this as an outlet, please don't feel you have to read or reply!
It's really hit home today. I've been looking at dads FB page every night and saying a mental (as in in my head) goodnight to him.
I started crying tonight, well this morning. Poor DH is up early for work, but he got me tissues & sat with his arm round me & got me some water.

I'm not a crying person usually, but losing dad & gran almost in a oner has got me beat.

Someone suggested counselling, but I don't like opening up to strangers (face to face obvs). DH is being fab as are my rl friends. Usually I would phone my mum if I'm like this, but I don't want to - she is dealing with enough. I know it's only been 2 weeks since the funerals, but I really feel like I should be 'manning up' now.
I'm coping at work - the team I work in have been a fabulous support & I can't fault them.
Mostly I just want my dad back. It still feels like a bad dream. I'm upset about gran too, but she was elderly, ill & had dementia, & she was hating not always knowing what was going on - from things she was saying, her mind was back in the late 90s when she died.
I feel bad in not so upset about her, even though we were quite close - she taught me almost all my baking skills! I was ready for her to pass away (as I am with my 2 remaining grandfathers). I know it sounds harsh but they are old & dads dad was in poor health anyway - it has got considerably worse since gran died . Mums dad on the other hand, is a bit stiffer & slower, but still going strong.
I want my Dad back so badly. Mum is coming to stay with us this weekend, to help celebrate DDs 5th birthday. The DC are very excited, despite her mobility problems, she tries her best to join in & have fun. We're planning on visiting the dolphin centre on Sunday (just a 45-60 min drive). I think it will do us all good to have a nice day out & get some good clean fresh air.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Losing a parent really hits hard, I know I felt very lost and vulnerable even though my mum hadn't been a mum for a long time.
You're probably sick of hearing it but it takes time to come to terms with losing a loved one. Take each day as it comes, some days will be good and others not so. You'll get to the point where you'll have a couple of days where you've not thought about your dad much and then you'll feel guilty! It's all part of coming to terms with it. If you don't want to do full on counselling you could always ring the helpline or Samaritans etc if you're having a bad day. Sometimes all you want to do is talk and talk about them just to get it off your chest.

Your gran was obviously ready to go, it's normal to feel almost relived for her.

Be kind to yourself, it's still early days x