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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My husband died yesterday

70 replies

toriap2 · 03/12/2015 03:13

My husband died in his sleep early Monday morning. I have a devastated 12 year old I am trying to be strong for but I just want to hide. Everyone has been so lovely but I just want him back.

OP posts:
Original poster
toriap2 · 04/12/2015 22:17

We got the results if the inquest today so I can go and register on Monday. It just seems so final. It's as if, if I don't make it official, it never happened. I know rhis is irrational but facing the truth hurts so much. The washer broke yesterday so I got a repairman who said it would be cheaper to buy a new one. DD stated the reason people are bringing food is because they've heard abiut my cooking! I think she was joking. She has been truly amazing and given so many lovely hugs.

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ImperialBlether · 04/12/2015 22:22

It must be incredibly hard to go and register his death. You are being so brave. I'm really glad your mum is a great support.

The repairman's probably right about the washing machine. They're a real nuisance when they become faulty. It's another problem for you, though - are you able to just throw money at it and just get a new one?

Your daughter's being so brave, too. It's heartbreaking to think of her going to school and coming home so tired. You're a lovely mum to her.

Original poster
toriap2 · 05/12/2015 05:22

I just went online, got a newe one and paid for delivery and installation. Everyone has been lovely to us both. I an dreading Monday but at least we will be out of the waiting limbo

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Whatsername24 · 08/12/2015 01:15

Toria, I have no advice but just wanted to say how very sorry I am to read your sad news, your husband sounded like a wonderful fella. My thoughts are with you and your daughter Flowers

Original poster
toriap2 · 08/12/2015 06:54

Thankyou so much. Yesterday was hard and today the undertaker is coming to make the arrangements for the funeral. It is hard as we arranged it for today as my inlaws wanted to have some input but they have decided they cant make it now.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/12/2015 07:03

Oh no, that's rough - so do you have anyone else there to support you? I can understand them finding it too tough but honestly, how do they think you feel? :( Thanks

sandgrown · 08/12/2015 07:03

No practical advice but thinking of you bothFlowers

Sansoora · 08/12/2015 07:05

Im sorry to hear you'll be organising your darling husbands funeral yourself.

xxx

PunkrockerGirl · 08/12/2015 07:11

I'm so, so sorry toriap.
Sending Flowers to you and your lovely daughter.

Allgunsblazing · 08/12/2015 07:13

Hugs to you both. Wishing you strenghtFlowers

Original poster
toriap2 · 08/12/2015 08:21

My mum and dad have been here since it happened but my dad has to go back to work tomorrow until the funeral. My mum is staying til I kick her out, in her words. I know my inlaws are upset but they haven't even phoned or messaged to see how DD is. I have had to phone them and tell them details. Thankyou for all the hugs and flowers, I ned them. It has been a week and reality is beginning to sink in. Thankyou for allowing me tompost here, and hugs and Flowers back to you all xxx

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WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 09/12/2015 08:19

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately I know exactly what you're going through as it happened to me when my husband died suddenly in February. Be kind to yourself. Do exactly what you want and do not even think about what other people want or expect you to do.
When people say 'if there's anything I can do just ask' tell them you don't know what they can do now but you'll get back to them in 6 months.
Take care.

MrsTrentReznor · 09/12/2015 13:25

How are you doing today toria?
My mum stayed with me for weeks after my DP died. Drove me crazy and ruined my favorite frying pan! It's bizarre the things you remember. Wink

Sansoora · 09/12/2015 13:27

Toriap, do you post here as Ludole? also.

If not, did you know there's another lady who very sadly lost her husband last week?

livingthedream16 · 09/12/2015 16:32

Hello, really sorry to hear your news, you are on another planet and lost at the moment, im sure, just take one day at a time and get lots of hugs from those around you. I unfortunately understand what you are going through. x

Original poster
toriap2 · 10/12/2015 06:10

Hi
Sorry i did not get back to you earlier, yesterday was rough as my inlaws came down and didnt quite agree on some of my funeral choices. My mum rocks though and told them that they shiuld have been there with the funeral director if they wanted more of a say. I let them choose readings and a third of the music but they don't want a church, want the wake in a pub (DD would not cope) and don't want religious songs. They also want the RBL there, a flag on the coffin and the whole works. DH would have hated that. Sorry for the rant. I am not that other poor lady but my heart goes out to her. I would not wish this pain on anyone. Love to you all xx

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Rosa · 10/12/2015 06:18

How hard for you both. Your mum sounds like a rock . As its been said take 1 day at a time and reach out when you need help . Wishing you strength x

Original poster
toriap2 · 10/12/2015 06:28

Thankyou so much. xx

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Original poster
toriap2 · 10/12/2015 06:30

It was my poor mums 60th birthday yesterday and instead of treats and surprises, she was protecting me and helping me. She has been so amazing and I don't think I can do this without her.

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MrsTrentReznor · 10/12/2015 11:44

Good for her for saying that. It's difficult enough to organise without people questioning your choices.
Your Mum sounds great. Smile

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