Back at work - being ignored

[pinktransit]

I came back to work yesterday, 2 1/2 weeks after my partner died 6 weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
I spent the 2 weeks after he died sorting out his cottage/clothes/belongings, along with his sons. This was time that had been booked as annual leave, as my partner and I had planned to be biking in Scotland. Then it was the funeral, I get 3 days compassionate leave so took that along with another 2 days annual leave.
I got back to work, I had a short meeting with my line manager and then started to catch up on 3 weeks worth of emails.
One person (another of the 3 of the management team I'm part of) has been lovely. Nobody else in a team of 14 has said a thing.
My managers bosses haven't said anything - I don't even know whether they know or not.
It just feels like I'm expected to come back and pretend that nothing has happened. Even down to the fact that I have an appraisal booked for tomorrow, with plans to discuss where I want to be in 6 and 12 months time. I don't even know where I want to be in an hour, let alone a month or a year - and to be honest, from a work point of view I don't actually care. We are an office with 3 smallish teams, working very closely together. I know the manager of one of the other teams hadn't been told, as she came up to me on my first morning back to ask how my partner was doing.

Am I being a bit precious here?
I don't want to sit at my desk and cry all day, but I think I would like some acknowledgement, and for my boss to realise that it's probably not the best time for an appraisal. I'm a bit sad that there wasn't even a sympathy card from my team.
Should I just be pretending that nothing happened?

Sorry, this is long and ranty, but today isn't a good day. :(

Both emails were perfectly judged pink don't give it another thought.
How are you today?

Sorry for your loss pink. There is a saying which is quite useful. "There's no sentiment in business". They are colleagues not friends. I have experienced similar treatment on three occasions- after the death of my brother at 32, after treatment for BC and after a major operation. People have no idea how to deal with death. Some of them will be very sympathetic but don't know what to say. Others will not really care. Others will be very afraid of you. All the best to you and try to put work out of your mind for a bit. FWIW I would have felt just as angry as you.

I agree that your colleagues are not (always) your friends - but that doesn't stop them from showing basic compassion for another person, especially when that person is one they spend most of their waking day with. Most workplaces and their staff manage to do just that.

You're right though - work is not something to be thinking about at this time.

I have found grief to be the loneliest thing, ever.

So I asked our HR department about sick pay - whether I'm on full pay, SSP, if full pay for how long.
I can't get an answer - I emailed on Tuesday, heard nothing back. I emailed my boss from my new gmail account, which apparently he didn't get. So I emailed today, both him and HR from my usual email. (I've got a new email fairly recently for my supported lodging contacts, as my usual one isn't the most professional, so I wanted one with my actual name rather than nickname.)

I now hear that HR are onto it, but that my boss is chasing up both his line manager and our head of department. I don't understand why - surely it should be a simple to answer question. I know it's reliant on length of service, and (a recent change) on your sickness record over the previous 12 months. I believe that I've only had 2 days off sick in the last 12 months.

I get the feeling that this is just going to be more stress again.

they sound like a real bunch of dickheads

really not what you need at this time!

Hi there Pinktransit
Just wondered how things are going for you this week?
Hope you're doing ok.