Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Please help my sister

30 replies

popsycal · 05/05/2004 13:12

My sister went for a scan today - 12 weeks pregnant. Slight dark coloured bleeding since the weekend.

there is no heartbeat
she has to go in tomorrow to have the baby removed

please help
what do i say to her?

OP posts:
collision · 05/05/2004 13:14

How horrible for everyone.

I dont think you can say anything apart from hugging her and letting her do the talking and crying with her.

Love to you all.

dinosaur · 05/05/2004 13:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
popsycal · 05/05/2004 13:17

the baby died at about 9 weeks they think

OP posts:
lazyeye · 05/05/2004 13:19

Echo what others have said - just be there & don't be afraid to talk about it.

I've had 2 m/cs and sometimes the most hurtful thing was my close family not even mentioning it......

Sorry to hear about it all. Its a horrible time.

gingernut · 05/05/2004 13:23

popsycal, so sorry. I had a m/c with my first p/g and I think the miscarriage association website is definitely worth a look. I can't get a link to the actual page I wanted to, so if you click on more' under Giving information' and then under On-lin information', click on know someone who has suffered a miscarriage' you will find a leaflet that gives you an idea how best to support your sister. Having gone through this experience, I think the advice given there is very pertinent.

Smurfs · 05/05/2004 13:23

Popyscal, so sorry for your sister it is one of the most awful things ever. I found that I wanted to talk it over and over until I had bored everybody stupid, but you do come out the other end - however wanted to scream at people who told me that at the time. Just a technical point I was offered what they call conservative management - no operation just let nature take its course which I opted for because I felt that I wouldn't be hurting the baby and it would be a more gentle ending almost, however I was more like 8/9 wks so don't know if it is an option at 12 wks and it was very painfull. Thinking of your sister and you it is so sad.

JanZ · 05/05/2004 13:29

{{{hugs for her{}}}}

One thing she shouldn't do id go around thinking she's beein carrying a dead baby for 3 weeks. It could have happened more recently, but had started to "re-absorb" (I don't know what the right term is).

.... Just in case she is worrying about what she might have doing 3 weeks ago that might have "caused" it.

That's what my GP best friend told me last year when I also went through a "failed" miscarriage. (11 weeks scan for CVS showed an approx 7 week sac)

Also reassure her that her hormones will be to pot - all over the place - so it is OK to have wee panic attacks, tearfulness, illogicality attacks etc. They will pass. That was the advice I got from a colleague, and it helped me.

essbee · 05/05/2004 14:14

Message withdrawn

Original poster
popsycal · 05/05/2004 16:17

Thanks for all your support.
Still haven't spoken to my sis but when I do I will be sure to pass on all your advice

Thanks again

OP posts:
Original poster
popsycal · 05/05/2004 16:31

Hi again

I have spoken to my sis now and have promised that I will send her some links to a variety of websites to help her.

Have already told her about the miscarriage association one which was posted earlier.

Any others
Thanks again

OP posts:
Angeliz · 05/05/2004 16:34

No advice i'm agraid but so sorry for your sister Popsy+

Hulababy · 05/05/2004 18:40

So sorry Popsy Will hopefully speak to you tonight, or tomorrow on Messenger.

WSM · 05/05/2004 18:53

Oh pops, so very, very achingly sorry

I have no advice other than just be there, words are often little comfort but a good listener is invaluable.

Hugs
Lx

leander · 05/05/2004 20:43

oh popsy I am so sorry for you, your sister and all her family.The same thing happened to me in Dec,I was 13 wks but the baby was only 9 wk size,It was killing me thinking my baby had been dead for 4 wks but someone here said that my baby probably had not died 4 wks earlier it was just the size of a 9 wk and couldn't catch up,this made me feel much better.Also it helped talking about it I couldn't bear people trying to act as though nothing had happened,also my due date is coming up and i am struggling at the moment so try to remember her then.{hugs to you all{}}}}}}.
sorry for rambling. Leander

CountessDracula · 05/05/2004 20:55

Pops so sad to hear about this. I don't think you can do anything or say anything, just be there if she needs you and talk about it if she wants to.

Blu · 05/05/2004 20:57

Very, very sorry to hear this, Popsy. How sad.

lukie · 05/05/2004 21:03

Sorry to hear about the baby, tell her you are soory and that your there for her if she needs you, thats all she needs to hear at the mo, I lost a baby at 11 weeks and had a baby daughter who was stillborn at 26 weeks, just be there and listen.

xx

funkydiva · 05/05/2004 21:17

I'm very sorry to hear this, it is very sad. I also found out at my 12 week scan that the baby had died, they thought at about 8 weeks, and I chose to have the baby removed. It is so sad, all you can do is be there for her when she wants to talk & cry. Take care x

JazzyJ · 05/05/2004 21:19

Same happened to my lil sis last year, it is so hard to know what to say and do. You just want to wrap them up in cotten wool and make the pain go away. I just tried to let her know that she was allowed to feel what ever she felt, and I was there if she needed me.
Very sorry

maomao · 05/05/2004 21:27

I don't have any links for you, popsy, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your sister's loss.

Original poster
popsycal · 06/05/2004 09:06

Thank you so much for your kind words of support - very much appreciated.

My sis will be in hospital now - thinking of her lots.

Thanks again everyone
pops xx

OP posts:
Hulababy · 06/05/2004 09:44

Thinking of you, your sister, her partner Popsy. (((Hugs)))

I will speak to you later hopefuly - at work today.

Janh · 06/05/2004 09:59

popsy, I'm so sorry about your sister, and for you too as you will have been sharing her excitement - hope she has a swift physical recovery. I'm glad you will be there for her.

I've just found these websites - I hope one or two may be useful.

Women's Health
babyloss
Miscarriage and Infant Loss Memorial Book
babyworld
babycentre
healthcentre

jodee · 06/05/2004 10:25

Thinking of you and your sister (and family), Popsy. Please point her in the direction of MN, don't let one thread put you/her off (you know the one I mean), there's so many MNters on here who have been through the same and would be so supportive. xxxx

Azure · 06/05/2004 10:31

I'm also thinking of you and your sister, Popsycal. I second Jodee's comment about recommending Mumsnet to your sister.

Swipe left for the next trending thread