That's it really. Parents divorced when I was 12. Had a fairly distant relationship with him until I was 19 when I stayed with him and his wife for a year (I wasn't the easiest house guest granted). Then it's been phone calls once every few months. Spent a few weeks with him when my DD was 6months hoping they would build a bond. He is/was an alcoholic and I feel it has influenced everything about my life. He is dying from multiple organ failure because of it. He lives at the other end of the country and since he got ill 3 months ago I have been there 3 times. Was I hoping for an apology? Some shred of acceptance that he was a terrible dad? That he was so selfish that he never even tried to get to know his only grandchild? Maybe. But nothing. I don't know now if I'm more angry he's dying or that he always let me down.
I've taken the day off work because I can't concentrate and just feel like everything is too much which is really not like me. And maybe I am upset he is dying like everyone thinks but mostly I just feel so angry.