Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

A poem from a grieving mummy.

38 replies

amyjade · 31/10/2006 13:42

I thought that time was healing
All the hurt you left behind
That empty spaces could be filled
My arms, my heart, my mind
And though my body looks the same
As it did when you were here
The emptiness is growing
Even bigger with each year

I thought that time was healing
All the agonising pain
That as the tears were fading
Soon I wouldn't feel the same
And though I can be smiling
And you think that I'll survive
The pain is in my blood now
I have nowhere else to hide

I thought that time was healing
All the loss a mother feels
That now you live within my heart
I had you near me still
But I need so much to touch you
To see you smile again
And those memories I'm told are mine
Can never feel the same

I thought that time was healing
All the while the mask was worn
That underneath a new me
Was waiting to be born
But now I find I am the mask
It helps to keep me safe
And though my heart is breaking
You won't see it in my face

I thought that time was healing
All those tears my eyes have seen
That aching arms that miss you
Could be satisfied with dreams
But here I am, in pain again
And healing stands alone
And mother weeps, the world can see
For a daughter who can't come home.

Time will never heal the loss of my beautiful little girl.
It's been nearly 19 months since Freya died and soon she would have been gone longer than she was here. How can this be?
Why did MY daughter have to get meningitis!! life is just so cruel, she was just a baby!!

MUMMMY LOVES AND MISSES YOU SO VERY MUCH MY DARLING LITTLE FREYA. XXXXXXXXXXX

OP posts:
AnguaVonUberwald · 31/10/2006 13:47

Beautiful! Made me cry! I am thinking of you.

WitchICouldGiveUpWork · 31/10/2006 13:48

Gorgous poem Amyjade-I genuinely am in awe of how bereaved Mothers find the strength to go on and Freya's story was just so sad.

HauntedsandCastle · 31/10/2006 13:48

Very Moving....a thinking of you xx

BloodyTenaLady · 31/10/2006 13:49

Hugs and kisses to Freya xx

Posey · 31/10/2006 13:53

I wish there were words I could say to help, but there are none. Just a mumsnetter wishing you peace and strength. xxxx

izzybiz · 31/10/2006 17:10

We miss you sweet baby.xx

facebovvered · 31/10/2006 17:13

Tears for you, and a smile too for the time you did get to spend with your special little lady

RachelRose · 01/11/2006 13:36

I am so sorry - what a beaufiful poem

fairyjay · 01/11/2006 14:04

That is something beautiful, out of something so sad.

Thinking of you amyjade.

Galmum · 09/11/2006 17:38

Thinking of you and your little girl - life can be so cruel. I'm not sure we'll ever make sense of our losses. It hurts so bad because you love her so much and she was so special.

Just got back off holiday and picked up your poem (shit holiday - missed my son terribly and it rained loads!)

I've been a wreck since we got home....for some reason people seem to think that the fact I'm pregnant makes everything ok. It does n't. Yes we are so pleased and hopeful for the future, but this baby will not replace our son. It's been nearly 5 months since he died and I'm feeling the pressure from family and close friends to be ok all the time - I answer the phone and my Dad will say "You're quiet" - Yes, I'm quiet, I having a bad day, I'm missing my gorgeous little boy, WTF??!!

Just wanted to let you know that I got the courage to go back to my local Compassionate Friends group and it was so much better than last time. There were more people there and a slighter younger crowd. I found it helpful.

One of the hospitals where my son was treated has arranged a memorial service for little people who were treated there and have died. I'm so pleased that they have n't forgotten us all. Does your hospital do anything similar??

Pinkchampagne · 09/11/2006 17:53

Beautiful poem.
I can't imagine the pain you must go through.
Thinking of you.x

hulababy · 09/11/2006 17:57

Thinking of you amyjade and galmum

PennySweets · 09/11/2006 17:59

I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child. You are so strong, amyjade, and Galmum too. Galmum, how old was your little one?

My Aunt has just died of Leukaemia, it's bad enough, but a child... it doesn't bear thinking about.

MerlinsBeard · 09/11/2006 18:00

i am so sorry you had to go through that, no mother should

nogoes · 09/11/2006 18:05

Thinking of you all.

Original poster
amyjade · 09/11/2006 18:41

Hi Galmum
I remember our first holiday 2 months after Freya died it also rained all day and they put us in a room over looking the children's play area, we spent 3 days crying with the curtains closed.

I was heavily pregnant when Freya died and people actually said to us "at least you having another baby" WTF !!! as if it would make losing our first born daughter any easier?

I'm glad the compassionate friends meeting went well. Unfortunatly there isn't a group near me so i have to make do with chatting online and monthly lunches when possible but it still really helps me to be in touch with other bereaved parents.

We have been to a few rememberance services for Freya as she died at a children's hospice called Naomi house. They are in constant touch with us and have been a real support.

Hope all goes well with the pregnancy. x
I'm due to give birth to baby number 3 next Friday.

Take Care

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/11/2006 18:44

amyjade, it's never come round that quickly has it?! Best of luck to you lady xx

As ever, I am so very sorry to you all for the loss of Freya

Galmum · 09/11/2006 18:45

Good luck for next Friday!

FireFaerie · 09/11/2006 19:04

Such a sad sad poem, yet there is happiness in there too, her memory will live on, in the hearts and thoughts of those who were privileged enough to have known her in her short time here with you. May you seek happiness in every thought of her, even if a tear is shed with it. I am Sincerly sorry to hear of your loss.
My thoughts are with everyone right now, who has ever had to go through this tragic kind of loss.

(incidently my cat is called Freya, and i dont think i shall look at her again without sparing a thought for you)

mummylin2495 · 12/11/2006 13:39

amyjade i have just read your lovely poem for your daughter .although i cant relate to you in that sense i can when it comes to naomi house .My friends son died there in 2003 and i have to say they helped the parents and even myself such a lot.my friends son was in the fox room right at the end of the corridor,His service was held in the circular room there ( cant remember what it was called ) and i have several pictures of jake the naomi dog.are you still in touch with the house? my friends are and it has helped such a lot.I myself fundraise for them.

LazyLou · 12/11/2006 13:49

Absolutely beautiful. I can't ever imagine in a million years what you are going through. Your words have really brought tears to my eyes. Keep strong.

(((hugs)))

Original poster
amyjade · 12/11/2006 17:37

mummylin.

Our little Freya also died in the Fox room.

I think the circular room is called the Dovecot.

Naomi house is such a wonderful place and have been such a support for us and our family over the past 18 months.
I always think how special it is that Freya's spirit is at Naomi house and not some horrible intensive care unit.
It will also be somewhere that will support Libby(Freya's sister) and the new baby and help them with ways to deal with their grief.
I can't imagine how i would have coped without them.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 12/11/2006 22:18

amyjade i can relate to what you are saying.as i wrie to you i can picture everything so clearly.Yes i remember the name now you have said it.The staff were so brilliant ,my friend and her husband stayed there for the whole 8 weeks ( they only expected sam to live that long )and we used to go up to Winchester three times a week to see them all.They treated myself and my husband as part of the family and i am sure they made everything more bearable.Did you use the butterfly room ? that i think also helped a lot.

mummylin2495 · 12/11/2006 22:20

sorry should of read " they didnt expect sam to live that long "

babyox · 13/11/2006 02:16

Amyjade what a beautiful poem, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious little girl, thinking of you and your family [hugs] Good luck for next friday!
Thinking of you also Galmum Can't imagine how you must be feeling. Sending love and strength to you both x