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Original poster

Death of a young child - anyone in the same situation?

58 replies

Galmum · 10/10/2006 08:26

Has anyone out there recently lost a young child?? My 3 year old gorgeous son died in June of a childhood cancer - 2 years after he was diagnosed. Both dh and I are finding life tough at the moment. We're continuing to live life and do the best we can. I was 8 weeks pregnant when he died and so far everything is okay with the baby (I'm now 24 weeks).

OP posts:
Hattiecat · 10/10/2006 11:06

I too couldn't pass this by without sending all my thoughts to galmum and amyjade. x

auzi · 10/10/2006 11:46

I couldnt read this without sending my love to you. I really hope that the future bring you lots more memories to add to the beautiful memories you allready have.

Take care x

Frizombie · 10/10/2006 11:49

Very sorry to hear this but couldn't go by this thread without posting, hoping the future brings you much love and happiness

Original poster
Galmum · 10/10/2006 12:05

Dear Amyjade,

Thanks for so much for your support - I will definately give the compassionate friends website a go. It's great to hear how positive you are about the site - it reassures me that there are some other parents in the same boat that I can make contact with.

I cannot imagine the shock of losing your daughter so suddenly. Dh and I have had more time to come to terms with our situation. We knew for definate in January that the cancer had returned for a second time and that there were no curative options left for us. We spend a wonderful few months making the most of our son and our time together before the cancer broke through. Tragically he had a diffcult end to it all, but that's over for him now.

I am so pleased to hear you've had a wonderful daughter and that another is on the way. Most people are blown away when they find out that my son died a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant. It was a bit of a conversation killer with the mums at my pregnancy yoga class! I never imagined there would be someone else out there in the same situation. As terrible as I feel sometimes, our experience has made dh and I determind to make the most of life and building a family is so important to us too. We hope to be able follow in your footsteps, but at the moment, all we want in the whole world is a healthy baby.

I hope you're not run too ragged with a toddler and the bump....good luck with labour no 3. You'll be a pro!

OP posts:
RTKangaMummy · 10/10/2006 12:18

My DT1 died soon after birth and DT2 is now 11 years old

My advice to you both with your new babies is to tell them all about their brothers and sisters in heaven and to have photographs around the house

motherinferior · 10/10/2006 12:27

Galmum, please ask us for whatever support we can give. I wish I could say and do more.

NAB3 · 10/10/2006 12:48

I am so sorry Galmum and Amyjade.

This is my worst nightmare and I congratulate on both going on to have another baby. I hope all goes well. I have had 2 miscarriages, including losing my baby's twin, but clearly nothing compared to you. I will always feel sad but even though I think of it most days it gets easier.

Your sad news is so much worse and I really don't know what to say. My heart goes out to you and I am having a cry for you both.

I hope you can enjoy your new babies and that they help in someway to fill the huge loss you have had.

amyjade · 10/10/2006 14:58

I think the new babies will make life seem easier to cope with and a reason to smile.
Dd2 makes me laugh everyday at the moment i sometimes wonder what i'd do without her.

RTKangaMummy,
We have photo's all around the house and Dd2 has even started to say Freya in her own little voice.
We only have a two bedroom house so Dd2 is sharing a room with Freya at the moment. At one end is Freya's cot and toys and the other end is Libby's.
Totally devestating for us but nice for Libby.

izzybiz · 10/10/2006 18:05

So sorry for your loss Galmum.

I am amyjades SIL, and i have seen the agony that she and her Dp go through everyday.

Im so sorry that you are another loving family torn apart, i truly wish you peace in your new life without your darling boy.

Love to you and all your family.xx

Pinkchampagne · 10/10/2006 18:20

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your little boy, Galmum.
I cannot begin to imagine your pain, & my heart goes out to you.xxxx

Judy1234 · 10/10/2006 18:21

Poor you. I can't imagine how awful it must be. No personal experience except miscarriage which is not the same at all.

I recently found my mother's baby book/diary from when we were children and I had it typed up for my siblings and father (my mother died 2 years ago). The saddest part is when she writes about the birth and then death 2 weeks later of our baby sister. Even though she had down's syndrome she always wished she'd lived. Every time she saw a down's child she wanted her own alive.

Sarahx2005 · 10/10/2006 18:35

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my 4 year old son in June 2002. There's no words to say that can make you feel better but if there's anything I can do to help and support you or just listen please let me know. My son died from cancer too, a brain tumour. He had chemotherapy and radiotherapy and died 15 months after diagnosis.
Sending you love and prayers.
Sarah x

snuffy143 · 10/10/2006 19:39

What a sad thread...I echo the 'everyone's nightmare' thing. I feel for you Amyjade and Galmum and am so sorry for you. Our closest friends lost their beautiful 10 month old daughter in July 05 after she drowned in the bath. she was our godaughter. She was on life support for 2 days after the accident and then they switched the machines off.
It has been the worst experience of my life and I have just been watching and grieving a fraction of what her mummy and daddy have. It has made them into people who sometimes I don't recognise...it is so so sad. I would do anything for it to have been different. Sometimes I don't think it gets any better, sometimes it is even worse, sometimes a bit better. It helps to talk and I knwo they have lots of online contacts. It is so comforting to have people out there who you can say all the things to that it is hard to say to friends or family. One day at a time, huh?

Original poster
Galmum · 11/10/2006 08:03

Thanks so much everyone. The lady who owns the pre-school my son went to, popped round unplanned yesterday evening with a scrapbook with some photos of him, some artwork and some messages. It totally broke my heart, but also was so lovely to connect with that part of life and it brought back memories of all the silly things he did there. I was pleased to see he was picking his nose in one of the photos - he constantly tried to pick his nose, much to my protests!!

Sarahx2005 - So sorry that your little boy died as well. We met a number of little people with brain tumours during his treatment, some are still doing well a few years down the line and others sadly have not been able to clear the disease either. It's so sad that despite everyone's best efforts, some kids just won't make it. I'm sure like you, we were positive and hoped our son's treatment would work, but it was n't to be.

Snuffy143 - how totally devasting. As you said your grief is not on the level of Mummy & Daddy, but it's still really tough. My son's godmother is really struggling with the death of my son -it's had a massive impact on her life. I hope your friends find some peace - they did their best and their little girl only knew love. Life can be so cruel and also so wonderful and I hope they are able to go on and live it.

OP posts:
Sarahx2005 · 11/10/2006 15:32

I have a website that I started after Christopher died, here is the link if you want to have a look.
Sarah x

have a look at this

Sarahx2005 · 11/10/2006 15:35

Sorry that didn't work try this

binker · 11/10/2006 15:39

Galmum - I'm so sorry to hear about your son - I can't offer any advice except that my younger brother died aged 10 of cancer,so I know how hard it must be on you as parents - love and sympathies to you...

handlemecarefully · 11/10/2006 15:46

Also couldn't pass by this thread without saying how sorry I am Galmum, sarahx and amyjade...

Sarahx2005 · 11/10/2006 16:18

By handlemecarefully Also couldn't pass by this thread without saying how sorry I am Galmum.

mrsdarcy · 11/10/2006 18:21

Galmum, Sarah and Amyjade - I'm so so sorry for your terrible losses. I hope that you find peace and happiness in your lives.
x

Original poster
Galmum · 12/10/2006 08:10

Sarahx2005, Thanks for letting me look around your site. My computer was playing up a bit, but I did get to see the lovely photo of your gorgeous little boy and beautiful daughter - what an amazing family and a fantastic achievement to raise that much money. xx

OP posts:
SamandJ · 12/10/2006 11:50

Galmum - We lost our little girl in September this year, she was only 10 weeks old and died of a heart condition. Like you we knew that that this was a possibility as we were diagnosed at 26 weeks during pregnancy but were given a 98% survival rate. Amelia was our first born and we are also finding life very tough at the moment. You are not alone.

Sarahx2005 · 12/10/2006 12:45

Samandj so very sorry for your loss.
Galmum you are very welcome and thank you for your kind words. My daughter appeared on the front page of the local paper last night for our fundraising and she's in the local paper today too!
Sarah x

kimi · 12/10/2006 13:35

Could not pass by without saying something, and now i dont know what to say.
((((((hugs)))))

overdraft · 12/10/2006 13:50

Sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks and had to post. How unfair really. I can't begin to imagine your pain and can't offer any words, but thinking of you all and glad you have all found others to talk to HUGS and LOVE xx