Stillbirth underway - unable to cope

[madal]

Hi

I hope you can help. My sister is now giving birth to her baby which died earlier this morning at 40 weeks.

I really don't know what do or say. My husband is being lovely, but I obviously can't contact my beautiful, lovely sister until this is all over. But what can I do then?

I also have a six year old daughter who asked earlier when her new cousin is coming and I didn't know what to say.

I can't say anything becasue I just start crying. I can't stop.

What can I do? I want to be the best person in the world for my sister and her husband who I love more than anything but I have no idea what I can do? How can I help?

I hope she never reads this as I don't want her to know I am a mess - she is the one who has to cope with the biggest hole you can imagine in her soul for ever.

But they had everything ready for this, their much longed-for baby - the nursery, toys, clothes, names and everything. A real baby. A person.

How can I help her? I don't know where to start. She has been through so much in her life already this is just so unfair and I am scared for her.

Can anyone help?

Any advice on how I can tell my daughter what's happened?

How can I be useful in this time of awfullness?

Sorry to be so sad. I hope someone can help

madal I hope you've sent a card to your sister and her husband telling them both how much you care for them.
That last post of yours was so lovely.
Had me in tears again.

Sadly there are too many of our little angels in heaven, all together.

Are you going to see baby Oscar??

I hope your sister has plenty of support from the midwives, they still need to look after her.

Please take care, and i really do know what she's going through, (as i said in an earlier post) xx

Is this her first baby, madal?

Thre's not a lot you can do, really. Except to be there for her. She will be numb and confused and, to compound it all, she may have to deal with breastmilk arriving for the baby.

The only thing that can help is time. And, sadly, we can't fast-forward time..

What a lovely sister you are..

XX

Oh Madal.
What an absolute tragedy.I am so sorry.

maddal, im so sorry ur sister is having to experience this i too lost my first born baby at 37 weeks, and as i am reading this its bringing memories back! and tears, you sister will never get back to normal again!! , as a massive part of her is always going to be missing!!, but these first few days and weeks are the most painfull thing i can imagine, as i exerienced it, i have moved to a better place in these last few months and altho the pain is still so raw i am so thankfull that i have been able to move on this far, and those raw moments are not so raw, this will take time love and understanding, this biggest thing for me was acknowledgement of my son, and who he was a real person, you seem to be very understanding and supportive of that, even altough my son was born i still and still do, have his existence denied, and for me that makes it all the more painfull, time does heal and i two years on i have got a beautifull son, and my life has meaning again!, All i can suggest is to be there as and when ur sister wants u and just be there, just some suggestions for your sister, i out a picture of me and my partner in babies coffin, so he would have us with him, i put part of a set in it and kept some bits which his brother now has, i wrote a letter, telling him how much we love him and always will etc, we took picture, kept a look of hair, foot and hand prints, and a imprint of his foot, this is one very preciuous thing as it shows so much detail, also had a blanket he used and a change of clothes he wore, these are just some things that have helped us!, Its hard at the time to try and get as many memories together,but u only have such a small space of time to get all the memories together which need to last a lifetime, x hope this helps xx

Dear Madal,

I am so sorry for your sister and you and all of your family. Everyone here has given such great advice, I really can't add anymore.

We lost our first baby boy at 30 weeks, nearly 14 years ago, and I can say the pain never goes, but you do learn to cope with it. I miss Cai every day and will for the rest of my life, but he lives on in my 3 other boys.

Keep little Oscars memory alive, keep talking about him, it won't always be in a sad way, it can be comforting too. Your sister will want to talk about him, but may feel that others don't. Just be there for her, thats the best thing you can do for her and she will appreciate it so much. It's going to be an incredibly tough few months for her to start with, but she will come out the other side, battered and bruised, but she will get through this.

I am so sad for you all.

I belong to a babyloss site, which is fantastic. I'm a bit rubish at posting links, but will try for you. It's called Baby Loss Support Group and has helped myself and so many others so much. Everyone just understands.

Much love to you all x x x x

madal I'm so sorry to hear about this, and wish you, your sister and your families strength in the next few weeks and months. there's some great advice on here, wish we could do more.

I am sitting in here in tears once again I just cannot believe or understand how in this day and age these things are still happening.
You expect in pregnancy that once you get past the 12 week milestone everything will be fine, certainly don't think that something so tragic can happen at such a late stage.
It's just heartbreaking

glad to hear youre sis is homing and doing aswell as can be expected madal. thinknig of you all.

cx

i went through a still birth myself at 43 weeks and like your sister i knew before baby was born. it is a horrible time for any one but i can assure you over time it does get easier to deal with. mine was nearly nine years ago now and even though it still hurts it is nowhere near as raw as it was. course it helps that i have now had four more children but still there is not a lot you can say. love to you all xx