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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Will it hurt?

84 replies

fisil · 02/03/2004 18:21

I know this seems silly, but this is the thing that seems to be worrying me the most. After a scan today I was told I have a probable missed miscarriage. I might miscarry naturally, or if nothing has changed when I have another scan next week, I will have a D&C. I am currently 7 weeks.

Will it hurt? It just seems so scary.

OP posts:

bunny2 · 08/03/2004 20:21

Fisil, the way you are feeling is so natural. Lots of us can identify with the swings from anger to grief and sadness. Be kind to yourself.

Original poster

fisil · 08/03/2004 20:28

Thanks for all your messages. It's so good to know you're all here.

Rang the hospital today to ask a few questions. I spoke to a different midwife and she said "well, I don't know why you've been booked for Thursday, it's against hospital protocol. It should be at least two weeks after the initial scan." So she went off and checked with a doctor and came back and moved my appointment to next Monday. So an extra 4 days of waiting. At least I am booked in for the full works on Monday - apparently I was only booked for a scan on Thursday!

Also, I said to her that I was determined to have the ERPC (Quackers, ) and she sounded surprised. She asked if I had any special reason for thinking that I had definitely lost it, and I said that if there was no embryo in my uterus last week, I couldn't see how there could be one next week. "Oh" she said "they do sometimes appear."

So now I feel totally confused. I just want to get it over with. I preferred the first midwife who gave me a clear, straight "don't go home with your hopes up." At least I knew where I was then!

OP posts:

bunny2 · 08/03/2004 22:49

Oh gosh Fisil, how awful to not know one way or the other for definate. I dont know if I would dare hang on to some hope if I were in your shoes. Can you not ask for another scan tomorrow, you cant be left doubting like this. bunny

Azure · 09/03/2004 10:03

I agree about asking for another scan. I don't want to get your hopes up unrealistically, and so am reluctant to mention this, but a friend of mine was told at around 8 weeks that the baby had died and was offered a D&C. She refused, preferring a natural m/c, but nothing happened for a couple of weeks & she still had pregnancy symptoms. She insisted on another scan and the baby was alive and doing well, and has just had her first birthday. My friend had had a fibroid which evidently had obscured the view of the womb for the first scan. On the other hand, when I had a m/c last year (not a missed miscarriage as I had unbelievable amounts of bleeding) I refused a D&C (based on the story above and in the ridiculous hope that a baby had survived the bleeding), and the m/c dragged on for over two months, which was emotionally very difficult - I wish I had had the procedure. It's such a difficult time - lots of cyber hugs to you.

Original poster

fisil · 09/03/2004 11:17

Oh goodness, it's all so difficult. Wish I could get a definite. Feeling really shit. It's a week now that I've been going through this. Seems like forever.

OP posts:

hana · 09/03/2004 12:15

oh fisil, how awful for you. It's the not knowing. Hoping you get some answers soon,
hana

Cam · 09/03/2004 12:32

sorry to hear that you have to wait till next Monday fisil, yes each day must seem like a week to you at the moment. You just want to know don't you? Its ghastly being in limbo, I send you all my love in the meantime xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

marthamoo · 09/03/2004 13:05

Oh fisil, this is so unfair - you're just in a sort of hellish limbo, aren't you? I had to wait nearly a week for a scan to confirm my miscarriage so I do know whet it feels like. In my case I knew I had lost the pregnancy but even though I knew there was still a teeny part of me that didn't quite give up hope til I had the scan. It's just so awful that you still have to wait. More (((hugs))) - wish I could do something more

bossykate · 09/03/2004 13:08

fisil, have they taken any bloods? that was the key test with me - they were looking for hCG levels to drop over a period of time as an indicator that the pg was over. more reliable than a scan for early pgs sometimes. if they have taken a baseline blood from you, could you go back for another test earlier than next monday which could put your mind at rest?

sending lots of sympathy to you, i remember all too well how awful it is when it goes on and on. what an awful situation.

Marina · 09/03/2004 13:13

Really sorry to hear this fisil, what a miserable situation you are in and how unhelpful of the staff.
Are you in Greater London? Could you get to St Thomas' hospital? They have a walk-in EPU where you can self-refer for a scan. Maybe that could be an option?
Huge sympathy and hugs to you.

Quackers · 09/03/2004 14:32

Fisil, it never ceases to amaze me how cold people can be when it comes to this awful situation. I would do what the others have said and go and go and get a scan. You will know for sure then what the outcome is. If it is then negative you know you have done everything you can and then ask for the ERPC. As I said, waiting can lead to many weeks of torture waiting for it to start.
Thought this quote from the Royal College of Obstetricians would help too:
Lowest efficacy rates of expectant management (25-43%)were related to cases with an intact sac and closed cervix (i.e. 'delayed miscarriage' or 'early fetal demise'. When managed expectantly, resolution may take several weeks and patients must be counselled appropriately or 20% will request surgical evacuation during the observation period.

Quackers · 09/03/2004 14:33

Sorry!! I have no idea how that wink got in there. Quite inapproprate.

eyelash · 09/03/2004 17:58

fisil - I am so sorry you have to go through this. I can only reiterate what has already been said and see if you can get a scan sooner. Thinking of you.

M2T · 11/03/2004 14:12

Fisil - How are you?

Original poster

fisil · 11/03/2004 20:21

Thanks for asking M2T. Feeling better this evening. Got sent home from work today, just couldn't cope.

Ds has been really difficult too - has turned from happy accepting baby to tantrum toddler in one week.

Spoke to a doctor who was brilliant and told me not to have high expectations of myself right now. That made me feel better. Don't know if I'll go to work tomorrow.

Monday seems such a long way away! Very very light spotting.

OP posts:

eyelash · 15/03/2004 07:35

Fisil - We will all be thinking of you today.

Original poster

fisil · 15/03/2004 08:11

Thanks. Off any minute now - appointment for scan at 10 a.m. I'll let you know how it went.

OP posts:

bunny2 · 15/03/2004 08:16

Fisil

Quackers · 15/03/2004 08:57

Fisil {{{{}}}}

M2T · 15/03/2004 09:22

As others Fisil.... hugs to you. {{}}

Cam · 15/03/2004 11:25

All the best, fisil. Love Cam xxxxx

Azure · 15/03/2004 11:53

Thinking of you today.

marthamoo · 15/03/2004 11:54

Thinking of you, fisil. Love and (((hugs))) xx

Kayleigh · 15/03/2004 14:22

Just to echo the others. Am thinking of you.
X

Original poster

fisil · 15/03/2004 17:26

Thanks everyone. It didn't hurt - the general anaesthetic wasn't even all that bad. I feel quite numb emotionally - I'm waiting for my dad to bring ds home, cos I want a big big hug and sloppy kiss! Dp was with me all day - and was wonderful!

Thanks again for all your support.

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