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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Will it hurt?

84 replies

fisil · 02/03/2004 18:21

I know this seems silly, but this is the thing that seems to be worrying me the most. After a scan today I was told I have a probable missed miscarriage. I might miscarry naturally, or if nothing has changed when I have another scan next week, I will have a D&C. I am currently 7 weeks.

Will it hurt? It just seems so scary.

OP posts:

Original poster

fisil · 03/03/2004 07:27

Thank you all for your messages. I am very touched. xxx

OP posts:

Quackers · 03/03/2004 09:03

Hi again Fisil, posted on the Oct thread. More hugs {{{{}}}}
Me too, my D and C didn't hurt at all and was put to sleep. They were very very kind actually and made my stay as comfortable as possible in the circumstances. I bled more with my spontaneous m/c but it wasn't painful particularly. I did get an infection after the D and C but was promptly treated with anti biotics. As has been said the emotional after effects were more prominant and it gets better with time and as you have said you feel very loved so that will help enourmously. Take care xxx

motherinferior · 03/03/2004 09:13

Fisil, I'm so sorry.

Blu · 03/03/2004 11:00

Me too. Hugs, XXXXX

BigBird · 03/03/2004 11:27

awful news fisil...so sad to hear it.

WSM · 03/03/2004 11:32

You aren't silly fisil, so very sorry to hear about this. Wishing you strength for the next few weeks.

M2T · 03/03/2004 11:43

So sorry Fisil. I hope it goes as straightforward as possible.
{{hugs{}}}

SecondhandRose · 03/03/2004 11:45

On a better note, I lost a baby and was told I didn't need a D&C as it had all come away. It wasn't very nice (messy) but nothing nasty to look at. Don't worry.

Looking back I think the worst part was the 4 hours in casualty.

Don't worry.

JanZ · 03/03/2004 13:04

Big hugs {{{{}}}}}

I had a d&c following a missed miscarriage last year - should have been 12 weeks but scan only showing 7 weeks (I'd gone in for CVS). The "miscarriage" probably happened some time in the previous 3 weeks and had then been re-abosrbing inbetween times.

The d&c didn't hurt at all - just felt a bit tired from the general anaesthetic. In fact I felt a bit foa fraud talking 2 days off afterwards (as recommended, because of the general) - and then I was off for two days of cusomter visits/corporate hospitality.

However DON'T underestimate the emotional and hormonal effects.

A friend advised me that I'd feel unusually tearful because of the hormones - thus is in addition to any "normal" sadness you might feel - and I found that advice really useful.

But even more important, make sure to allow YOURSELF some time to look after yourself . Even if you think you're OK, you probably aren't! I speak from experience! .... I didn't take time off work, (except those first 2 days)which only meant that 5 months later I ended up needing 6 weeks off, as I still hadn't worked through issues in my head (not all directly to do with the baby.. but it served as a catalyst) I've only just started back at work full tiem, after a "return to work" programme.

So whether or not you miscarry naturally, or have to have a d&c, remember, cherish yourself! {{}}

bobsmum · 03/03/2004 13:12

Fisil - I had a d&C in 2001 after a missed m/c. The operation itself was ok (as ok as it can be) and went home after a few hours. It was painful for a few days afterwards - like really bad cramps, but I got strong painkillers. hot water bottle and cups of tea helped too.

It was my first pg, so was devastated - like others have said, the emotional pain is the worst bit. Bled with D&C and then waited for one period and got pg again straight away.

Worst time of my life - so many many hugs to you ((((((()))))))

eyelash · 03/03/2004 13:35

Fisil - how are you today?

Original poster

fisil · 03/03/2004 13:48

Hi eyelash, thanks for asking. I'm OK. I'm surprised at how OK I am. I am at work and have the attitude that I will just get on with work and enjoy it and immerse myself in it. Apart from anything else, I need to get everything in good order, as I could be leaving at any time and not coming back for a week (and I am currently doing 3 people's work and don't have a deputy). From the dreams I had last night (not that I slept much) I made it quite clear to myself that I just have not taken it in at all. So I guess this is the lull before the storm.

OP posts:

eyelash · 03/03/2004 17:01

fisil - glad you are feeling well but don't underestimate how you are/will be feeling emotionally. Look after yourself and I would strongly recommend you take at least a week, if not two weeks off just to rest and gather your strenght.

Quackers · 03/03/2004 21:20

I agree, I was occupied in the waiting for it to happen side and then the operation and it wasn't until a week or so after that it hit. I too think a good stint at home to make a little of the way down the emotional recovery is so beneficial. I had 2 weeks off each time and it did help me cope when I went back to work although I know not everyone feels they can do this. Lots of love, glad you're feeling ok though. xxxx

Hulababy · 03/03/2004 21:24

fisil; so sorry to hear this.

When I had a mc it happened naturally and there was no phyical pain at all. Can't help with the D&C bit though.

Take care of yorself and give yourself time for YOU.

(((hugs)))

bunny2 · 03/03/2004 21:55

Fisil, I hope you continue to cope so well but plse dont be surprised if you get some big waves of grief. I was very sad after mine but had lots going on and managed to keep going and convince everyone that I was coping. After a couple of weeks I plummeted into the depths of grief and sadness. I am ok now but it did take some time to work through the disappointment and grief. Hope you are ok. bunnyxxx

binkie · 03/03/2004 22:09

fisil, you have lots of advice here but a couple of things to add: I too had a d&c post-mc at 9 wks, done under general anaesthetic, all fine, hurt far far less than the two weeks previous of pregnancy going wrong. But please be aware that at your stage the staff (nurses) in the hospital may not know that you are having it post-mc, they may think you are having a termination - I had someone ask me to justify what I was doing.

Also - don't know if you have children already - the d&c procedure found a problem which was then able to be put right & I was successfully pregnant 3 cycles later.

Janstar · 06/03/2004 11:26

Fisil, I just want to thank you for taking the time to support me when you have this to deal with. I hope you get through okay and things improve for you.

bunny2 · 07/03/2004 10:55

Hi Fisil, how are you?

Original poster

fisil · 07/03/2004 12:06

hi bunny2, thanks for asking. Numb, is the answer, I think. I oscillate between wanting to sit down and cry, wanting to just flop and do nothing, wanting to scream F* off at people, and feeling a calm understanding. It is very painful having to wait.

I told my parents last night - they didn't even know I was pg. I rang them and got them on the phone at the same time. I was so scared (my Mum on her miscarriage: "so I went to the Dr and said, well even if I was pg I'm not any more, so that's that.". I'd written down what I wanted to say, and ended up reading it out in tears. They were very understanding and made many offers of help.

These will always be remembered as the longest 10 days of my life!

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marthamoo · 07/03/2004 12:09

That all sounds perfectly normal to me fisil - very similar to how I felt when I had my miscarriage. The waiting must be hell, my heart really goes out to you - again, I'm just so sorry

(((HUGS)))

Original poster

fisil · 07/03/2004 12:12

Thanks marthamoo. Didn't mean to wink back there!

Janstar, how is your daughter now? Did you manage to spend some time together this weekend? How is dh with his role?

OP posts:

eyelash · 08/03/2004 08:39

Fisil - Is your scan still scheduled for Thursday? And are you having some time off? Thinking of you.

Quackers · 08/03/2004 10:45

Fisil, how are you? What is the course of action now? Are they scanning and doing the ERPC?? I presume there has been no significant bleeding. Just wanted to say press for an ERPC if nothing happening by your next scan. They made me wait 3 weeks to have an ERPC as things should happen 'naturally'. I don't think so when my baby was already dead for 7 weeks before and there was no sign of proper bleeding. Lesley Regan ( don't know if you have looked at her book, but you may find it some comfort and help at the moment), says that you should only be left and 'expecatnt management' used when bleeding is obvious and the miscarriage is happening. Hope this helps you, as this part is so tough I found when you are waiting. The relief after ERPC was immense as I could get on emotionally after the physical side has been sorted out. Hope this helps. xxxxx

SHIREENSMOM · 08/03/2004 11:08

fisil, so sorry to hear this. it doesnt hurt but reast lots and take care thinking of you xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx

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