In shock and what happens now?

[babyonboard]

This morning I was dashing around doing the usual routine then suddenly got spotting which led to massive bleeding within the hour ,
we have spent most of the day in hospital but I walked out during our scan which told me the inevitable.
I am at a loss and feel crazy, we had guests and I told them to 'get out' , quite aggresively, when we got home, I am finding it hard to take care of our baby and that makes me feel even worse. I wish I'd stayed at the hospital to hear what happens now, as I'm clueless, but maybe, in fact definitly, don't want to know. I can't call anyone to let them know as it doesn't seem real, and I still don't think it's true.
I want to curl up in bed and sleep for a week and it'll all be over.
Thats all.

Oh babyonboard, I'm so so sorry I really don't have any advice but I couldn't ignore your post.
I don't think you need to worry at all about telling guests to get out no matter how aggresively you said it, no-one could possibly hold that against you at the moment.
Do you have dp/dh with you? If you feel like curling up in bed right now, go curl up in bed.
Look after youself and be kind to yourself.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more help.

xxxxxx

Baby on board I am sorry, I think what happens next will depend on how many weeks you are. If early then you should have a complete miscarriage, I'm afraid I can't remember what they do to check and it probably varies from area to area. As long as you fell physically OK perhaps go and see a nice GP (hope you have one) in a few days and check with them. If you feel physically unwell then you may need to go back to hospital sooner. If you were quite a few weeks then it may be different. Does the hospital have an early pregnancy unit you could call tomorrow and talk to? Hope you feel better soon.

Oh how awful for you Like dotw said, if you have a nice gp then get in touch with him/her as soon as you feel ready to, they will be able to go through the process for you. Or perhaps contact the NHS helpline if you don't feel ready to speak to someone in person.

As for shouting at your guests, I am sure they will be perfectly understanding at your loss and not take offence in the slightest. Don't worry about other people at the moment, take some time out with you and your dp.

Lots of love to you. I haven't had anything quite as traumatic as you, tho I did loose 2 babies at quite early stages. It is a staggering blow and does feel so unreal. Its made harder by somehow not being able to grieve properly - it affected me for a long time. The 'phyisicalness' of it got me - it that makes sense - the blood etc, and the coping alone it seems.

I have no real words of wisdom other than be kind to yourself. This will take a lot of time to get over - try to accept that and don't worry too much re your guests - they will understand. How devastating for you.

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Ohhh hunny. I'm so, so sorry.
Not sure if you remember me from the Due in Nov thread. I've been through it (as have many here) &it's truly an awful experience.
Sending you & your family huge love, hugs & support. It does get easier, just takes a long time
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm so sorry, babyonboard, such sad news. Take care. xxx

Hi there I'm so sorry for your loss. i do hope you have someone there who can support you- your friends will understand you're upset, for you.

This is probably the worst worst time of all. Your hormones will be sending you do-lally, as well as your grief. It's OK to grieve and to rage, people will forgive you when they learn what has happened.

It does ease. Really it does.

Come back and offload when you're ready.

{{{hugs}}}

I'm very, very sorry, babyonboard.
I miscarried last week, for the second time - I had some warning that it was coming. My first miscarriage came on just as suddenly as yours, and it is a truly brutal shock. I'm sorry.
Rest now - I hope you're resting now - then when you feel a little stronger go and see your GP or contact your EPU. As awful as it is (I spent a large part of last week in hospital and my gyn's surgery), you will need another scan to check the miscarriage is complete, and possibly a blood test.
Thinking of you. xxx

Take it easy, and when you feel better, see your GP.

I don't expect you want to hear lots of details now, so I won't put them down.

I'm so sorry, and don't worry about other people (except dp of course) - they'll understand.

Take care.

for you babyonboard. I m/carried in April and it is truly a horrible time. Words won't help you, you'll feel alone and helpless and be wondering why me?

Time does heal, but you never forget. Look after yourself hun, rest and talk to dp/dh or friends - they will be a huge help.

Hello thanks for your messages everyone, and sorry for your losses.
Hellkat I do remember you, hope you are well.x

We went to the epu on friday afternoon and had a scan which fully confirmed everything.I actually managed to stay and listen too, and the doctor and assistant were just amazing, really caring patient. I was almost 14 weeks, which is so sad as I'd gotten over the so called 'worrying period' after a slight bleed early on and started to relax into it. I just can't think why, but I know that answer will probably never come.

I'm going in on thursday, and have to decide between general or local anaesthetic. I think I'd rather be knocked out, and they said that won't neccesarily involve an overnight stay. Not sure if thats good or bad as I am finding it really hard being around DS at the moment. I may try to get someone to take him overnight so I can come home and try to relax.

Argh I'm in a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, i've been making myself busy all weekend. Had a huge clear out of the loft, and throwing things into the skip was oddly therapeutic. Thank goodness the bleeding stopped on saturday as that was an all too sickly reminder. Sorr y if I'm rambling. I'll be back to let you all know how things are going.
take care
x

One more thing..i can't bear to tell most people..dp has offered but I want to do it myself. I guess maybe the time will come when I feel up to it, but I fel awful for not having done so righ away. Is this normal?
another thing is my postnatal group here on mumsnet. two of the others are pregnant too, and slightly nervous so I can't bear telling them my sad news, but I know they will want to know, and I'll appreciate their support. argh argh argh.

Hi BoB, I'm so very sorry to hear your news. I think anything that you feel or do right now is 'normal'. Your body is in turmoil with all of the hormones and your emotions are in turmoil too. Just do what makes you feel better, if that's getting away from O, keeping the news to yourself for a while or whatever. You need some time to grieve and just be kind to yourself. I know it doesn't feel like it but it does get easier. It just takes time and tears.

Oh, and do ring if you want to chat about it. I had an ERPC and it was very straightforward. I had a GA and went home the same day but it is hard to rest with a LO in the house. Do ask to stay overnight if you think it would help you.

Hi Bob

I'm so sorry I haven't had a chance to post for a while so have only just seen this on the other thread.

I am so so sorry sweetheart, what an awful thing to have to go through, you must both be devastated.

I can only agree with what everyone on here has already said, your guests will understand and frankly sod them if they don't. This time is about you and your dp, make sure you put yourselves first and give yourselves time to grieve, you'll have to go through the seven stages as in any other bereavement as you had formed your bonds, just make sure you don't shut out your dp as he'll be grieving too, try to take strength from each other if you can.

I can quite understand why looking after O is so difficult and if I can be of any help just shout, you can feel free to shout, scream, sob or throw a bigger tantrum than O has ever amanged if that helps, I'm always here to listen, whether it's now, next week, next month or next year. Sometimes it's easier to let it all out to someone who's not so close.

Look after yourself first and let your dp worry about O, they'll cope just fine and I bet O will try to be even cuter than normal as he'll sense you're down, let his innonence lift you back up when you can, he'll be a wonderful tonic when you're ready to embrace it & not being able to at the moment is perfectly normal.

Love, hugs & strentgh to you all Beks

babyonboard - so sorry to hear your news.
I had a miscarriage last year and one of the worst things I found was telling other people. I prefered someone else to tell them and for them to contact me (which all my friends did).
Really feeling for you.

Don't usually come on these threads as never know what to say, but here I am on yours and feel compelled to write something as I'm here in tears for you, but there just aren't any words. I have a lump in my throat the size of Canada but ......................... just deleted the last 3 lines i've written. I'm so sorry babes. You are obviously totally devestaed but under itall I feel a real strength of character. Sorry, sorry, sorry

Oh BoB, have just seen this. Am so sorry .As everyone has said take your time and look after yourself. I had a m/c in 2004 and in the beginning it feels terrible like there will be no end to it but , in time, things will get easier for you all. As Beks said take solace in O, you will find him a huge comfort over the next weeks and months.
Thinking of you all xxxx

im so sorry that u r going through this, i to have suffered a loss and can only begin to imagine what u r going through u poor thing, xx

So sorry babyonboard. Thinking of you--it does get better, honest.

Thanks again for your support..it's lovely knowing I can come here and unleash without feeling guilty..

Last night I fell asleep with DS after feeding him at 6pm and didn't wake til 9 this morning! I think I needed it...
Then today my friend was an absolute star, her and her mum came over, her mum looked after DS whilst she drove me to whitstable where we had a lovely seafood lunch and a long walk up the beach. It was really nice and really helped me think clearly.

I'm trying not to think about the whys and what ifs (emphasis on the work trying..), I guess this time it wasn't meant to be. As you have said it's early days and will get better, but I am annoyed I'm expecting too much from myself when i should really just go with the flow of my emotions.

Had a LOT of tears when I got home to find a delivery from jojomaman of maternity clothes and a little white sleepsuit , but my friend has taken it and will sort out returning them for me (again .. what a star)

Again thanks so much, just your kind words and knowing others have gone through the same and can offer advice at any turn is so comforting
take care all
xxx

ah honey im so glad u have a great friend to help u through this terrible time, i know who u must have felt with the baby grow same thing happened here, waited ages for a item, and then u get it just at the wrong time, xxx

Hi all

I was at the hospital this morning, I am feeling so relieved and a bit shocked..seems it was a 'complete misscarriage'..I don't know what I expected but apparantly the bleeding stopping of it's own acord was a good sign and an indicator.
Glad it's all happened naturally without the need for 'procedure' don't know why but it seems more comforting to me..

I did have a few questions as to the logistics of me not realising..especially with a pregnancy at this stage (can't quite say what I mean but hope you know..)but didn't ask, however I am seeing a consultant next week to talk over the whole thing so will try to prepare myself and ask then.

Al round I am very sad, but also happy it happened with minimal time in nasty hospitals, and I can now try to relax at home and look to the future.