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Original poster

Have just lost my baby at 25 weeks

187 replies

Sleepathon · 25/08/2013 12:49

I am sat with my hubby in hospital and have just been told that baby has died, there is no heartbeat.

I haven't really cried although my hubby is in bits. They are about to give me a tablet which will get things going to induce labour.

This was my first pregnancy. I think I may be in shock cos all I can think of is the practical things. Like cancelling the furniture order which is being delivered on Wednesday. Yesterday we did a massive shop, ordered a travel system, bought bedding, a cuddly toy etc. I have just cancelled an Asda order due for delivery where I had bought some nappies and sudocream etc.

The thing I am dreading is telling the rest of my family and my friends. I hate pity and I hate people feeling sorry for me. My family are all going to want to come round and I don't think I want to see them just yet.

I am scared about how I'm going to feel in the following months. It took us 18 months to conceive. Am I right in thinking I will get full maternity leave as baby is going to be classed as stillborn rather than miscarriage? One of my best friends at work is pregnant. And another has just had her baby.

What am I going to do with all the baby clothes I have bought? Sad

Please say a prayer for us.
Any advice on coping is appreciated x

OP posts:
tinypumpkin · 26/08/2013 20:17

Glad to hear that today is a better day Sleepathon. I will be thinking of you and your family tomorrow.

Sands and the lovely people there have been a lifeline for me. I hope that you find some good support there too.

SauvignonBlanche · 26/08/2013 20:25

Pleased to hear that Sleepathon Smile
In answer to you Nessalina, I missed qualifying for NHS Mat leave by one week and it just didn't occur to me to go off sick. As previously explained I just felt numb. After DS2's funeral I just had an overwhelming desire to get back to 'normal'.
Someone at work questioned as to wether I should be back so soon and I was annoyed by it, they probably had a point though.
Sadly my DSis has just lost her DD at 37 weeks and is now on Mat leave so has no pressure about sick notes etc.

Nessalina · 26/08/2013 20:39

Gosh, how awful! Sad Sorry to hear that Sauvignon, and best wishes to your DSis.
Good luck for tomorrow Sleep, I hope all goes as quickly and as painlessly as is possible xx

Bumblebee78 · 26/08/2013 20:45

I wish i had something profound or some magic words to make this tragic situation better for you. I don't really know what to say, but don't want to not say anything. Im thinking of you and your husband at this sad time and hope with each others love and support you can get through it. X

TaytoCrisp · 26/08/2013 20:53

Great that you feel ok sleep. It sounds like you are surrounded by love which is what you need.

Just to mention, I was in a very similar situation to sauvignon and as our baby boy also came at 23 weeks I did not have any mat leave entitlement. I had a very short break from work as, like Sauvignon, I wanted to try "to get back to normal" soon after, and didn't really think about extending sick leave. I can be flexible in work do that was ok. However, I think formal mat leave Is better in terms of acknowledging the great loss you have experienced. And you can see how you feel as time passes whether you need to take sick leave. I am sure work is the last thing you want to think about now so the most important thing is to do what you feel is best and easiest for you.

So sorry to ready of other peoples losses here too, its just rubbish.

Thinking of you sleep.

cantsleep · 26/08/2013 21:03

So sorry to hear your very sad news.

I can only echo what another person said in that you do not ever get over something like this but you do learn to live with it. That will seem impossible at the moment but it is true nd something to be reassured by when it feels so so bad right now.

I lost my first and to begin with put his things away and could not look at them. Now I often get that little box out and look at the photos, cuddle his teddy and think about him, often with tears but also sometimes with happiness that I once knew him.

Take care of yourself. I am thinking of you xxx

theboutiquemummy · 26/08/2013 21:08

So very sorry for your loss praying for you and your DH x

Original poster
Sleepathon · 26/08/2013 21:47

Can I ask those that have gone through this, how long did you stay at the hospital after the birth?

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 26/08/2013 21:51

I was induced in the morning, delivered in the afternoon and went home the same evening. I could have stayed overnight but was keen to get home - nurses don't make good patients!
Take an overnight bag and just see how it goes, also take all the pain relief on offer.

TaytoCrisp · 26/08/2013 23:07

One night. Though tough leaving hospital with just a white "memory box". :-(.

Xxx

imip · 26/08/2013 23:46

One night for me also. I kept my baby girl with me that night.

I'm glad they told you what to expect re: breast feeding.

Wishing you lots of strength for tomorrow. Post when you can and let us know how you are going. Xxx

Original poster
Sleepathon · 27/08/2013 09:38

Have phoned hospital this morning to confirm the time to go in however they've asked me to stay put as the room I need is in use.

But annoying however better to be waiting at home than there.

OP posts:
imip · 27/08/2013 10:04

That's quite sad sleep. I suspect that the room you are meant to be using is a specifically designed room for women who have lost babies. Most hospitals have one, it probably means someone has lost a baby.

It is probably better to wait it out at home for a bit.

When you have a baby prematurely you need to labour less as you don't need to get to 10cm. It took me 6 hours to have my daughter, however, I was a little different as I had a a cord prolapse.

Thinking of you x

ThermoBoy · 27/08/2013 10:19

Thinking of you Sleepathon. Xx

sparklingstars · 27/08/2013 10:21

Thinking of you, and anybody else who has had the same experience.

Original poster
Sleepathon · 27/08/2013 12:27

Midwife rang for us to come in so at hospital now. I am calm.

OP posts:
imip · 27/08/2013 12:37

Best wishes (((xxx))))

bemybebe · 27/08/2013 12:38

Hugs and hand holding.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 27/08/2013 12:54

I'm thinking of you. Being calm will help.

Take whatever time they offer you with Ibrahim, have lots of cuddles (if you can) and photos taken, hand and footprints are usually an option too.

I'm sorry to hear your Mum had a stilbirth too and you lost your little sister, but hopefully it will bring you some comfort that she understands what you are going through.

I'm pleased you have so much RL support & they are helping with all the arrangements that need to be made.

Love & strength.
xx

PollyLogos · 27/08/2013 14:47

Thinking of you x

TaytoCrisp · 27/08/2013 14:54

Sending you a big hug xxx

AFishWithoutABicycle · 27/08/2013 15:01

I too hate too much sympathy and people seem to feel forcing you to cry in public is a good thing, so if I was you I'd mentally prepare a few statements such as - 'you've been so supportive but I feel like I should be allowed to grieve in my own way'. If people don't know how to support you ask them to do the practical things like taking clothes back for you. It will make them feel helpful and not shut out.

Big hugs.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 27/08/2013 15:48

Thinking of you here OP and thinking of Ibrahim too. x

DaleyBump · 27/08/2013 16:33

Thinking of you, your DH and little Ibrahim (beautiful name) today Sleep Flowers

SauvignonBlanche · 27/08/2013 20:39

Thinking of you Flowers