Please help me write a letter to someone who lost one twin

[KristinaM]

A colleague had twin girls recently and one of them died at a few days old. I don’t know much about it as she is not a close friend, I only know her through work but as we were pregnant at the same time we used to talk about our pregnancies.
I would like to send her a letter but I’m at a loss on what to say. Usually when someone’s bereaved I would send a card/note saying something simple like “ So Sorry to hear about your loss” or “Thinking of you at this sad time”. But that doesn’t seem right under the circumstances. Do I send a “ congratulations on your new baby” card and an “In Sympathy” one??? Or is a note better?

You mean you know he was really lively and curious but when you held him he was still? Phtos dont capture someone's spirit & personality

We are so fortunate to have hundreds of photos of our child we lost. And they are mostly of happy times - birthdays, Christmas, days out, parties, family events. Its lovely to be able to remember him that way and not the way he looked over the last montsh when he was very ill.

I'm so sorry Bubble, that you will never get to do these things with Bo. I knwo there will always be a gap in your family - that every happy occasion will be tinged with a little sadness because he is missing. We still have not had our youngest child christened ( as is our family tradition) because we cant think past teh first anniversary of his brother's death and cant imagine such an event without his big brother being there

KristinaM, I'm so sorry . It's very good of you to be trying so hard to help someone else.

Bubble, how are you?

Kristina - I didn't realise about your loss. I am so very sorry. Bubble - I am sorry that you lost Bo too - I remember the thread Miaou mentioned.

Re the card/note for your friend, I bet cat64 is right - your friend will probably care more that you took the trouble to write rather than whether you manage to say exactly the right thing or not.

Thanks HD. I think I am only really grieving for him now as i was pregnant when he got really ill and died. you knwo how it is....you are so focussed on having to keep going for the other children and just thinking of the baby inside you....there was no space for grieving. You knwo how as the baby grows inside you it grows in your head and heart as well until you can hardly think of anything else except in terms of how it might affect the baby?? Or is it just me?

No, not just you. And it makes sense that you are grieving now, more than maybe you allowed yourself to before, anyway.

No one very close to me has ever died so it's difficult for me to know what someone who has been in that situation has gone through.