Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Waiting to m/c

29 replies

Angsthase · 03/05/2006 12:53

Just feel crap. Had a scan last week which showed the baby had no heartbeat and was only the size of 6weeks. It should have been min 8 weeks. Went to EPU because symptoms were fading. My dates can't be wrong as my dh was not around for the 2 weeks after I conceived and I did a pg test before he got home which was +.
I have another scan tomorrow but know what it will tell me. I think I will ask them to do a D&C or whatever it is they do, as I've been waiting a week for it to happen naturally and I don't know if I can wait any longer.
Very down and dh keeps trying to be positive and telling me to look on the bright side - at least I can get pg. Can't see a bright side at the moment.
Don't want to wallow, but feeling quite sorry for myself today.

OP posts:
foundintranslation · 03/05/2006 12:56

I'm so sorry. :( It's horrible, isn't it? Be kind to yourself and get plenty of rest.

Chloe55 · 03/05/2006 13:00

Oh how upsetting for you. No advice/experience just wanted to send my thoughts to you xx

BettySpaghetti · 03/05/2006 13:12

Sorry to hear this.Its horrible waiting isn't it? I had a m/c a few years ago (same stage ie. 8 wks but scan suggested baby had stopped growing at 6).

I chose to let it happen naturally (was given option by EPAU)-it was a long drawn out process that took a week but I preferred to be at home with DP and DD.

Physically I recovered quickly and you'll probably find the same. Emotionally though it can take a while as you'd expect. Just don't be tough on yourself -you will have ups and downs, as will your DP/DH.

When it happened to me I didn't know about MN -if I had of done I think I would have posted quite a bit on here! If it helps talk to others.

Feel free to ask any questions -someone on here will always be able to answer or help.

Northerner · 03/05/2006 13:17

Sorry to hear your news hun. I miscarried a few weeks ago and it is a very lonely and sad experience.

Get plenty of rest, be good to yourself and talk to your dh. It does get easier I promise.

I took 1 week off work and then just got on with everything, this really helps you move on.

Thinking of you
xx

Harpsichordcarrier · 03/05/2006 13:19

Sad I am very sorry to read this and sorry to hear you are feeling so down. You have every reason to feel sorry for yourself. Waiting is horrible I know Sad.
Have you heard oft he Mioscarriage Association? they have some very helpful suggestions for dealing with your loss and marking it.
Have you told anyone else? could you get some support from friends and family? Often partners find it hard to know the righ thing to say ime.
sending love
HC xx

toadstool · 03/05/2006 17:04

So, so sorry this is happening to you, Angsthase ((((hugs)))). The so-called D and C isn't one - it's called an ERPC and I had it last week under general anaesthetic for the same reason (my pg was 11 weeks but had apparently stopped at 8). If it helps (I know not much does) the op was swift and the staff were very caring and sympathetic. I'm now taking my second week off work, and I'm glad I'm doing so as all sorts of minor things have needed to be done, and I'm quite wobbly - but it's different for everyone.

motherinferior · 03/05/2006 17:06

I am so sorry.

desperatehousewife · 03/05/2006 17:08

so sorry. Sad

twocatsonthebed · 03/05/2006 17:13

I'm so sorry to hear that - just the same thing happened to me last year. As everyone says, look after yourself, and also let yourself be upset, it's much better than bottling it all inside.

Debbsy · 03/05/2006 18:05

so so so sorry anghstase ((((((((hugs and support)))))))))))

babyfettle · 03/05/2006 20:42

Just wanted to add my words of support too. I had a missed mc back in Feb. I too was made to wait a week before a rescan, when, as I'd expected, there'd been no change, so was booked in for an ERCP a few days later.

As Toadstool said, the operation is very quick and although you have a general aneasthetic you should be allowed home the same day. I wasn't even in much pain immediately following the operation.

I actually ended up having 2 ERCPs as the first wasn't completely successful, but both times the actual operation was absolutely fine and the staff were amazing about everything. [btw I'm one of the very few 1% for whom the 1st ERCP is not completely successful, so don't worry about that, if your bleeding continues for more than 5-7 days, go back to your GP and ask for a rescan. My problem was that I was left for 8 weeks before they rescanned me and found some pregnancy tissue was still left]

Big hugs and support to you - I found a lot of support from MN. Just knowing that I wasn't the only person to have gone through this was very helpful. I'd never really heard of a missed MC before and can still see in my head the picture of my baby during the 1st scan - horrible Sad, but manage each day much better now. It won't feel like it now, but you will feel better as time passes.

Take care.

Original poster
Angsthase · 04/05/2006 13:32

Thanks for all your support. Although it makes me more teary, it is comforting. Had my rescan today and got the confirmation. SadSadI've booked myself in for an ERCP on Monday.

Got a bit emotional at work when telling my boss. I think I'm alright with it then something will start me me off. At least my dh will be home with me next week, which will make it all a bit less horrible.

OP posts:
bobbynog · 04/05/2006 14:31

I'm so sorry - i had a missed miscarriage back in March. It is awful, and nothing any one says can make you feel any better. Allow yourself time to grieve, and expect to be very up and down. I still have my sad moments, but it is easier to cope with now.
The ercp is very simple and straight forward - i went in at 4.30 p.m. and was home in time for question time!
Hope you have some one to talk to - and i found keeping busy helped.
My thoughts are with you
xx

Cakehead · 05/05/2006 19:22

I'm so sorry to hear that, Angsthase. I know nothing will bring you much consolation right now, but a close friend went through the same thing. She now has a gorgeous 8-month-old baby girl - a little knock-out. At the time, when people say 'at least you know you can get pregnant', it probably doesn't help much, but it IS true. You've done it once, when you're strong enough, you'll do it again and things will work out. You're in a bad place right now, but you won't always be. Get lots of rest, take care of yourself and good luck.

Bobalina · 05/05/2006 20:34

Hi Angsthase, just wanted to say how sorry I am. Reading your post took me back 4 years when the same thing happened to me. Stopped growing at 6 weeks but I didn't know till 13 weeks. It was heartbreaking and the 'waiting to miscarry' was traumatic. they wanted me to wait 2 weeks for it to happen but I couldn't deal with that. I kept on and on for an ERPC and had one 10 days later. I found where you are now the most horrendous part of the whole ordeal. Take care of yourself and I wish you all the best.

oinker · 07/05/2006 11:04

Angsthase......Sad

Good luck hunny.. You will be fine.

I understand totally where you are coming from. I am sitting around too and waiting. I have been told that basically my second pg is non viable too.Sad I have a confirmation scan on tuesday and then no doubt I will have to be booked in for an op like you. The waiting is awful.
Be strong. I have had the op b 4 and like all the others have said, it's over with very quickly and the staff are always so kind.

BIG HUGS to you and your DH.
))))))))))))))))))))))HUGS((((((((((((((((((((((

Original poster
Angsthase · 07/05/2006 20:16

Oh Oinker, poor you. So sorry. Stay strong. I admire that you keep trying. I've found this whole thing so emotionally draining and although we fully intend to try again I don't know I'd have the strength after another mc. Not looking forward to tomorrow, but I am sure it will be fine. It will be good to have the rest of the week at home to get my head right again.

Big hugs to you and your dp
))))))))))))))))HUGS((((((((((((((((
Thinking of you.

OP posts:
oinker · 09/05/2006 14:27

I hope everything went well at the hospital and you are recovering.
I will be going in on friday morning for my ERPC.
Take care.x

pepperpots · 09/05/2006 14:34

oinker massive hugs sweetheart Sad xx

FirstNikki · 09/05/2006 14:39

Oinker Sad so sorry to hear this ..if you want to talk you know where to find me xx

Angsthase hope you are resting and looking after yourself. So sorry for your news too, it is an upsetting experience but in time it will get easier xx

burstingbug · 09/05/2006 14:43

This happened to a friend of mine who is also a collegue at work. We found out that we were both pregnant and only due 2 days apart!! She went for her 12 week scan and found the the baby had no heartbeat and had stopped growing at around 8 weeks, she was given the option to miscarry naturally or have an ercp. She chose to wait for 2 weeks to see if it happened on its own accord, but she ended up having the operation at what would have been 14 weeks. She seems to be ok now, although it must be hard because I sit next to her at work. Makes me feel sad and guilty because she should be at the same stage of pregnancy as me.

Nicola63 · 10/05/2006 12:09

The same thing happened to me in February. On a scan at 7 weeks they said it looked rather small, and that was worrying, but a heartbeat was seen so I tried to be optimistic. The next week there was no heartbeat and I had to have an ERCP. It's very sad and I am sorry about the other ladies going through this too.

Original poster
Angsthase · 15/05/2006 14:39

Hi, All you ladies who've had an ERPC - were you still bleeding on 7th day after?

It's not much, but don't know if I should wait a couple more days before contacting the EPU. I thought it had stopped last week, but still getting some red blood every day.

Just want to feel like I'm getting back to normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angsthase · 15/05/2006 14:40

And thanks for all your kind posts Smile

OP posts:
babyfettle · 15/05/2006 20:19

Hi Angsthase - hope you are feeling better. Keep an eye on your bleeding. Do you have any pain with it? Every other day, I had quite bad period-type pains and then some relatively heavy bleeding shortly afterwards, as if my body was trying to remove something. Turned out it was and there was some pregnancy tissue remaining and that's why I had to have another ERCP.

Don't feel bad going to see your GP to discuss it - I must have gone weekly for 8 weeks before I finally got my rescan appointment. I had 2 lots of antibiotics as 2 different GP's thought I might have an infection and that's why the bleeding was continuing. Are you feeling well within yourself, MC aside? ie do you feel under the weather etc? If you are, it may well be an infection.

However, saying all that I was told after my 1st ERCP that I would bleed for 5-7 days and as long as it was getting less each day and not bright red, not to worry about it.

HTH Smile