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Bereavement

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Original poster

As we go through this painful journey together

985 replies

lavandes · 10/02/2013 21:24

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

OP posts:
shabbatheGreek · 28/04/2013 08:51

Morning girls xx

Original poster
lavandes · 28/04/2013 21:13

Hi ladies x

Today is the last of our 'April dates' 3 years ago today was our beloved Richard's funeral.

We took flowers to Richard's plaque at the Crem this morning .

I am OK I have got through another April but words cannot express how much I miss him and always will xx

OP posts:
shabbatheGreek · 29/04/2013 07:35

Oh Lavandes - its so hard and there's nothing you can do but 'do it' - if you know what I mean. Richard would be very proud of you, you know. There is no death so sad as that of a child - a child of any age is still, always, your child. Sending my love to you and yours xxxxxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 29/04/2013 15:42

lavandes yet another year. It must seem just impossible. You know, I would have loved to have met Richard and learnt some of his amazing recipes from him. xx

shabbs ah, WWE is the new-fangled version of what I knew as WWF when I was younger.

Finn did his first charity fundraiser on the weekend, for a local charity which supports children who have lost a sibling or a parent. It was a children's 1-mile race - and he did it in style, sleeping the whole way around in his pushchair! Ah well, next year, he can walk it himself...

shabbatheGreek · 30/04/2013 06:45

Morning girls xx

Yep it did used to be called WWF - had forgotten about that Smile

Hope everybody is OK x

chipmonkey · 30/04/2013 11:58

Good morning, everyone although, as I type I notice it's almost afternoon! xx

shabbatheGreek · 01/05/2013 06:32

Morning girls xx

Hope everyone is OK - so quiet on here xxx

Original poster
lavandes · 01/05/2013 07:28

Mornixng ladies x

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 01/05/2013 20:12

Good evening, lavandes!

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 01/05/2013 21:50

Good evening all!! It is very quiet on here... in some ways, I guess it could be considered 'good', in that there are no newly bereaved mothers. But what I worry about is that there bereaved mothers out there lurking and who feel too alone to write.

In looking at birthday cards today, I was drawn to one for daughters, and it had lots of lovely words about what a daughter gives to her mother. (Actually, all the words applied equally to sons.) But it is that loss of the future, of all the things that I will never be able to share with Mia which hurts at the moment. I couldn't read it all, and quietly put it back just before the 'helpful' shop assistant asked if I had found what I was looking for... no answer possible to that question, really.

shabbatheGreek · 01/05/2013 21:56

Oh Mias - I have done that before as well.....wandered into a card shop, picked up a card...read it...and right back onto the shelf and out of the shop quickly. Words and music always get to me. xxxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 01/05/2013 22:58

I agree totally, shabba. It's why I hardly ever listen to music on the radio anymore - I don't want to be surprised by the tears that too many songs evoke...

expatinscotland · 01/05/2013 23:01

((MAM))). I feel that way nearly every day. A lifetime of loss. Eternally stuck in a childhood that ended in 2012. The part of 'us' that would have moved away, as the children grew, will never do so now.

chipmonkey · 02/05/2013 01:38

Oh, Mias! Those sorts of things upset me too! I adore my sons and I certainly wouldn't swap losing Sylvie-Rose for losing one of them. And I think fioled said once that if you have a son after losing a daughter that the love is the same. But I miss the daughter-y things I got to do for a little while, which given her age were not really any different from the son things except that there was a lot more pink! But more than that, I miss the daughter-y things that I won't get to do. And if I had never had a daughter, I would have just accepted that, but having had a daughter and losing her, I don't know if I ever can fully accept it.

shabbatheGreek · 02/05/2013 06:49

Morning girls xx

I seem to have always had a 'house full of boys!!' BUT I want my two boys back to fill the house with more of them. I always wonder if G & M would have had sons as well? Wonder if we would have ever had any little girls in our family? xxx

Charleymouse · 02/05/2013 14:59

Afternoon ladies
xxx

I miss, just miss my boy and feel so sad. I am not angry or cross or guilty just so so sad. It breaks my heart that my children have no faith in me being able to make things right as I so obviously can't can I?

I want to be able to stroke their heads and say 'there there Mummy will make it all better. I could do that prior to losing my boy then I lost my power and it has lost their faith in me.

When I tucked G into bed last night I said 'sweet dreams' and he said he dreams of his brother as he really misses him and it is only in his dreams they can play together; all I can do is hug him tight and say I miss him as well.

God it is tough isn't it? I know I have so much to be grateful for, G is here and well and I could have lost him to but sometimes knowing he is an identical twin without his twin is almost too hard.

shabbatheGreek · 02/05/2013 15:17

Twins are a kind of a 'double edged sword' aren't they Charley? You always have a good idea what the other twin would have looked like and that is both comforting and so very sad. It used to break my heart when it was 'photograph' day at school and nursery. Always wanted BOTH of them there - not just Dan sat on his own. Its all so very wrong and I get what you mean when you say you are 'just sad.' xxx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 02/05/2013 17:03

Yes, "sad" isn't really enough to explain sometimes... It simply doesn't do justice to such a profound, intense loss, knowing you will never hold your child again. Hmm

Charleymouse · 02/05/2013 17:29

Too true Shabba too true. Mine are identical so I know pretty much what he would look like. Although at birth and pre birth (we had shed loads of 3/4d scans) they looked completely different.

Charleymouse · 02/05/2013 17:32

Agreed Mia, I had counselling after my dad died and all he (the counsellor) wanted to do was explore my feelings of guilt and repressed anger. I had neither I was just so very very sad and missed my dad.

I dont have ishoos I have a heavy heart full of sadness.

shabbatheGreek · 03/05/2013 07:27

Morning girls xx

Charleymouse · 03/05/2013 12:08

Morning
xxx

rainbowfeet · 03/05/2013 12:11

In memory of my precious Lucy .. 10/05/2006---01/05/2008. www.stopcmv.com

whiteandyellowiris · 03/05/2013 13:50

in tha car this morning this song came on, simon webb, no worries, just made me cry and cry
esp the part about
"Cause you think that you've been living, just treading water
And waiting in the wings for the show to begin"
because thats just how i feel, have to use to much energy just to simply tread water, to desperately try to keep alfloat and not drown

"No Worries"

I just know your life's gonna change
Gonna get a little better
Even on the darkest day
I just know your life's gonna change
Gonna get a little further
Right until the feelings change

So, is this how it goes?
Think you've come this far with nothing to show
That ain't so, no
You don't see where you are
And if you don't look back you know you'll never know

Cause you think that you've been living, just treading water
And waiting in the wings for the show to begin
But I always see you searching
As you try that bit harder
Getting closer, oh yeah, to the life you're imagining

[chorus]
(I just know your life's gonna change)
Maybe not today, maybe not today
Some day soon you'll be all right
(I just know your life's gonna change)
Don't turn the other way, turn the other way
Feels like luck is on your side
(Just wanna live)
No worries, no worries
(Don't wanna die)
No worries, no worries
(Fight through the lows)
Say it for me, say it for me,
(And take all the highs)
We all need somebody
(Yeah we can sink)
No worries, no worries
(Or can you swim)
No worries, no worries
(Or walk on out)
Say it for me, say it for me,
(Or jump right in)
We all need somebody

So, baby keep drifting on
Your endeavours ain't just selfless wasted time
Seek and find, yeah yeah
You're not that far from what you've hoped and wished for all along

Cause you think that you've been living, just treading water
And waiting in the wings for the show to begin
But I always see you searching
As you try that bit harder
Getting closer, oh yeah, to the life you're imagining

[chorus]

I just know your life's gonna change
Say it for me, say it for me
We all need somebody

whiteandyellowiris · 03/05/2013 13:52

i agree its just an huge heart overwhelming sadness

people don't get how bad sad is

i just think im starting to flounder round, staying the same things over and over
theres nothing new to say nothing new to add
the sadness remains
i can;t really see much point in even posting this, don't why i'm im doing it to be honest