Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

[mummylin2495]

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

Yes it was / is awful and I think that the shock made it so much worse if that's possible.from the moment I got the call,y legs went weird and I couldn't walk properly this lasted Bout 3 weeks and people have told me this was probably due to the terrible shock. Even worse for one of my brothers who was actually outside the ward waiting to pop in and give her the Sunday paper. Horrible horrible time.we also were told that mum would be probably coming home on Thursday after they had put a stent in for her. She was fine on the sat night. Just normal and was in a great mood. If only we had known what was coming .she was i hospital less than 24 hrs. The only good thing is that mum wasn't suffering for weeks or months. I m sure you must of gone through an awful time. Did you find support from your friends/ family or did you like some of us find them to be unsupportive ?

Hi all,
feeling very sad at the moment. I've had a good day - did some ordinary things, gym in the morning and I sing with a choir on a Monday evening, so did that which I enjoyed. I'm off work this week, so spent some time this morning writing cards to thank mum's carers, and sending off info to mums brothers re the funeral arrangements. All very organised.
The vicar is coming to see me tomorrow to sort out the details of the service. I asked DH to try to find a specific photo that I want to go on the order of service as I want to send these off to the funeral director once I've seen the vicar. When I got back this evening around 10pm, dh had printed off some photos and they were on the kitchen table - lovely ones of mum with the dc, of her birthday and Christmas a year or two ago when she was all smiley and well. It just broke my heart to look at them.
Can someone please tell me that one day I'll be able to look at things like this without feeling so awful...........

Just wanted to say hi to Marshy, Manz and Finola - hope you're all doing as OK as possible. This is a really supportive thread and a great place to vent if you need to.
Marshy, it's funny how things can set us off one way or another. I've started to find it quite comforting to see photos of Mum, though it has been a while in coming. It's really raw now but you might find later on that something steps in to make things like that more bearable.
I found I was very organised in the lead up to the funeral, but all the 'being very nice and polite to people I didn't know well' was quite a strain and I did need to collapse in an anti-social heap in the end.

We were at a family wedding at the weekend and the bride and groom dedicated the first dance to 'groom's late auntie x'.. it should have set me off in floods of tears but it was a song that she really didn't like - instead I could hardly keep a straight face for imagining her reaction "You'd have thought they could have chosen something a bit less insipid!"

HI everyone

Hi manz39 - Welcome to this thread, I have found this support here to be invaluable some of the harder days times, so sorry to hear of your loss, i think the whole shock of one minute there were there then the next gone, i was only talking to her the day before, the evening before 10pm, then she had a massive stroke around 5/6 am in the morning.

Marshy - Also welcome to this thread im sorry to hear of your loss take each day one at a time, surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with. I think a fair few of us can say through this journey you definately get a wake up call who is the most important in your life and that includes family, they say you cant choose it, what a bloody shame!!

mummylin - I was thinking of you for your mums birthday, glad you are getting enjoyment seeing the plants take affect.

hi ssd, biscuits, snowflake hope you guys are going along ok

I got my job so im working 3 days a week for a month poss two.

im not too bad, enjoying the gorgeous weather, tough at times still but going along ok with her by my side. xx

"Marshy" I wish I could tell you that it will get better soon, but it takes a long time. We all have to go through the proper grieving times and hopefully at the end of that we will be able to think about our loved and lost ones without ending up in tears. The day will come I'm sure but have no idea wen it will be. Of course we are always going to have the sadness and the longing to see them again, but we should be able to think of the happier times and have a little chuckle about things. At the moment my very first thought in the morning is still my mum, it is in my brain all the time,although in saying that I am not in constant tears all the time now. But the missing her part feels like an a actual physical pain inside. Because of this everyone thinks you Are "over it" which could not be further from the truth. I know I will never be completely happy again. I miss her so much
To everyone. It's such a lovely day today so I am going out in the garden to do a bit whilst we still have this sunshine. Hope we will have it all week ! What's the chances of that I wonder . Out for dinner tonight with my siblings etc ( brothers turn to pay,ours next week ) I enjoy it even more when it's someone else's turn to pay !!!! Hope you all have the same weather I have for down south and that you Are all coping as well as possible x

I know what you mean, i really think of her like you first thing and have the rubbish feeling i had at the beginning but i am also the same and im not in tears all the time, but i can have something crop up in my mind to remind me of her and i feel immensely sad and miss her like crazy!!
But I can remember the funny of times of her and i take her with me everyday, im sure she is sharing all whats going on xx

afternoon sorry to see new faces but glad you found us for support at this hard time. I am due an operation tomorrow just as a day case but am rather freaking out now about waking up from ga as bad as I did last time. v worrysome, ds is panicking as he now doesn't trust hospitals and thinks I won't come out like nanna can't wait till teatime tomorrow when I'm back home and its all over x

Hope all goes well for you tomorrow snowflakes just look ahead in 24 hrs it will be over and you will be back home again.i can understand your Little one worrying. But once he sees you after your op his fears will be put away.

Good luck for your op snowflakes hope all goes ok, right with ya hun!! Btw did you get your reading, message me and let me know. x

I gotta say im a little nervous for going back to work its been since Christmas, im excited and nervous!! I hope I can take on all the training and brain power i will need!!

ah you will get back in the swing of things! i am pretty nervous for tomorrow but needs must so trying to just get on and do it!. my reading came ill send u a pm to read it. I thought some parts were pretty true to life. dp has rubbished it completly and said he must of been reading my facebook ect. i wasnt happy, even if it is total bollocks i wish he would just let me have it if its a comfort x

Yeah i think just because someone doesn't believe in the spiritual side its p'd me off when people rubbish what ive said, i appreciate not everyone is the same but i respect their views so i think its only fair they give me the respect back. Ill look forward to reading it, i watched colin fry again and i was blown away! There was these 3 women who were sisters and they were at colin fry show, their mum come through..he said your mum said she s pleased to see you all split the crown jewels between you nicely..well after the show when they catch up they said that is what they called her jewelry when they sorted it, they called it the crown jewels!! Also he said why is she showing me camp coffee (ive never heard of it) anyway, they said at the end that is what the daughter and her mum drank together..but how flipping random eh!! Blows me away when i watch that..id def gives me a feeling they are not gone and are with us, but again that is my belief.

xx

I have heard of camp coffee. I think it's in liquid form and was sold in a bottle. You are quite right t875 people should respect your views.

after re reading i hope that didn't come across wrong or rude i was more refering to my member of my family who is very rude and stand offish about it all and has literally rubbished what i believe to be signs from my mum. I also totally respect others feelings though who don't believe.

nope didn't think so I was really naffed off that dp totally rubbished everything . for now even if its just for fun it made me feel better and calm. havent felt properly calm in months. always keyed up and restless

What you shared with me was pretty mind blowing and if you could pass on them details that would be great, did you pay? The accuracy was quite spot on!! Yeah i think my husband has had me say all number of things in relation to the spiritual side, i am intuiative anyway and get gut feelings I also believe I feel my mum around me, i feel a warmth/glow..very hard to explain...but hey like you say if it gives ya comfort and that has me i think. Good luck for tomorrow will be thinking of you!! x

Take whatever comfort you can get. I wouldn't say I don't believe it,in fact I wish I did. Nothing would make me happier to know that one day I will meet up again with my family who have already passed, and that my mum is watching over me. I just need proof. I'm 50. 50 on all the spiritual stuff.good luck tomorrow snowflakes it will soon be over.
t875 what you wrote was perfectly acceptable, so don't worry. Bye the way I have looked on google and yes camp coffee was in a bottle. Not sure if its still sold though.personally I hate all coffee, love the smell, hate the taste. I'm a tea girl ( or Horlicks ) !

just sent you the details, id of much preferred face to face reading just don't feel strong enough or confident in them

thanks mummylin you are so lovely bless you. am having early night but can't sleep stomach in knots

Yeah im more tea mummylin i'd never heard of it apparently on colin fry the woman was saying it was horrible! hehe! I dont mind coffee though, helps me when im shattered! x

back again...

wondering if anyone can help? im really getting myself worked up about my lovely mum being alone for 24 hours before we found her and really feel like I need to talk to someone (no idea who) about whether she would have known or felt anything.
I have thought about going back to my local spiritualist church. I used to fo with a friend a long while back but tailed off when I started working shifts. anyway, the down side of it would be that id have to wait who knows how long for there to be someone talk to me as they pick out random people each week. I may go and never get my week as it were???

I just want some sort of confirmation that she's ok and not suffering or hopefully didn't suffer. possibly to know that she knew we were all there when she died and to know that we alk love her dearly.

just some little bit of contact would help me I think.

any thoughts or suggestions? ?

Can understand the nerves,but I am sure you will be fine ( sends message to snowflakes surgeon to look after her ) x

Hi kafri

Ahh I know these thoughts it's really awful really beat on you.

My belief is they are up there with members of family who have passed on but I also know this is easier said than done to believe as it is for me somedays!!
I would go to the spiritualist church or if you know someone who has any links to a psychic this has given me comfort over the years. I've also had signs. Feathers. Few times I've asked and I've got one - I think it was did she enjoy what we did for her for mothers day.. And a few days after I had a white fluffy feather on my decking in the garden. So again have me comfort. But I know this was the worst for me scared she was ok!! So I know how you feel. Big hug to you. X

I have had other signs I believe she has been around us too x

for us all esp for snowflake! We're with ya!! X

Kafri from what I have gleaned from the spiritual books i have read people who are ill when they pass are perfectly well in the spirit world so I think you can relax in thinking your mum would be in pain now. I understand what you mean that you may have to wait weeks at a spiritualist church for " your turn"
vlad hope you Are doing ok
t875 nothing for me beats a cup of tea !!! Not even a Pernod !!!!
snowflakes thinking of you and hope you are one of the first on the list for today rather than having to wait for ages.
For everyone else biscuits , ssd and all hope you all have a good day today.